Breaking Up Is..

       I stood at the mirror in my bathroom. My thick, dark hair needed taming down. I needed the opposite of a volumizer. My almond shaped eyes had dark circles underneath them. I inherited both my amber eyes and the dark circles from my mom. Makeup solved that problem, but I still wasn’t happy. How did I end up dating Teddy? Now, he was even talking about marriage and it had been less than two months! 

I needed to have a “talk” with Teddy. 

        Seven weeks ago, I went alone to my former highschool’s play. During intermission, Teddy appeared with his short, albino friend Paul. Next to Paul, Teddy appeared really attractive, taller, better looking. Brown short hair, blue eyes behind a pair of glasses, regular features, Teddy looked fine, and spoke fine. I felt exhilarated as we made small talk, we exchanged numbers, and he took me to see the Phantom of the Opera the next week. I did think it was strange that Teddy hadn’t smiled through the whole thing, but had remained serious. I tried to brighten things up with my conversation, but it didn’t come easily. Then, two weeks later, there was the party at the Bobas’ house. These entertaining guys had a lot of friends over, and Teddy had brought me. I started to feel regret that I was “with Teddy” because almost every guy there was more attractive to me than Teddy. I was speaking to this guy named Mark at one point, and Teddy had come over and tried to hold my hand. I moved my hand away from Teddy. I knew that was not going to go over well when we were alone. That same evening Teddy said, “Hey Maggie, we should set up my friend Paul with Heather.”

I said, “Heather? She’s 20, and your friend is 34! I don’t think that would work out at all.”

“What do you mean? My father was 16 years older than my mother. They had a great marriage!” ( Teddy was one of the youngest of a big clan.)

“Times are different now, it is an impossible idea.”

“I can’t believe you don’t think we should set them up!”

My real objection had to do with the fact that Heather was pretty, popular, and in no need of a set up. Paul was, well, you know. On top of Paul's "shortcomings" he had a cartoonish voice.

Then, at the end of the night, Teddy smiled at me, and through gritted teeth, told me that he was mad at me. This was a disturbing sign. What kind of a weirdo smiles when he’s angry? 

          One day soon after that, Teddy and I walked around my suburban neighborhood. Teddy asked me what I wanted to be when I was a kid. I said I wanted to be a Charlie’s Angel. Teddy liked that answer. Somehow we had gotten on the topic of my wild and manically depressed sister Deirdre, and Teddy surprised me by saying he could relate to Deirdre! It seemed that at every chance, Teddy was not putting his best self forward, but put himself down. He once said, “I have to give character talks to all these guys, inspiring them to be better, and I just feel like a worm compared to them.”

           With every passing day, I was realizing I was wasting my time with Teddy. It couldn’t be a good sign, when every other male was starting to look better to me than him. One morning, Teddy sat on my front step, and said that “We should be thinking about marriage, because it has been seven weeks!” I wondered what planet Teddy was actually from. 

             At an event in Chicago, I decided that would be the day I ended things between us. I told Teddy that “we needed to talk.” Other than that, I can’t remember much about what we said as we walked around the Chicago streets. I just marveled at how Teddy had redirected the conversation, and even set up another date with me! Teddy even said, “For a minute there, I thought you were breaking up with me!” I wondered if at 22, I had easily been outmaneuvered by Teddy who was 29. My younger sister Sally was disappointed to hear I hadn’t managed to break up with Teddy. 

         Teddy called me up and invited me to his older sister’s wedding. I answered evasively and then consulted with my father. My father asked me, “Do you want to keep dating Teddy?”

I said, “Definitely no.” Then my father said, “Then you should not go to his family wedding.” I agreed.

         When Teddy called to see if I was coming to the wedding, I lied. I said I had a friend’s funeral down in Champaign IL that same weekend, and couldn’t make it. Teddy was all concerned about the loss of my friend, and went to his family wedding without me. I decided to go down to Champaign after all, and had a good time visiting friends, all still alive. My father found out I told Teddy a lie, and was not happy. I felt cowardly, and knew I had to be better.

When I returned, I decided I had to break up with Teddy once and for all. 

          Teddy came over to my house and we met outside. He started to tell me about how the wedding went well, but his mother thought him a bad dancer. I inwardly cringed at how this man was always showing himself in the worst possible light. It actually helped me to steel myself for the “talk.”

“Teddy, I’m not the one for you.”

“Maggie, what do you mean?”

“I mean that you’re not my choice, and I’m not the one for you.”

“Please, what did I do wrong?”

Almost instantly, I regretted not daring to tell him about all his missteps, putting himself down, being weird with the angry smile.. Instead I just said, “You didn’t do anything wrong, it’s just not working out.”

“Well, can you give me advice for the future? Can you tell me how I can do better?”

“Teddy, I have nothing else to say.”

After a few more attempts to get at what I objected to about him, he got in his car and left.

It was an immense relief. He was gone. I could be free to get to know someone else. 

I went over the conversation we just had, and I wished I had the nerve to tell Teddy what to change about his conversation. He had first dates with a couple of other girls I knew, and then it was over between them.

         My advice to young girls out there, stand up for yourself. If something doesn’t seem right, speak up. Don’t be afraid of what the truth does to someone else’s ego. In the end, being honest and sincere is better for everyone.