Memoir of Regret

Act 1 Cherry Blossom Smile

The past can never be rewritten, always being haunted by the memory of you as our days fade away. The time I spent with you I loved it all. But I can’t promise that the memories will stay with me. Memories of our time together kept disappearing 1 by 1 and I know that they will never return again. Your smile is a cherry blossom that blooms in spring. I love seeing it everyday. I just wanted to spend more time with you and to get to know you a little better. One of the biggest mistake I made was ignoring everything. The day you died I knew that there was something wrong. I ignored all the signs and left you alone. "Had I paid more attention you could still be alive today! If I was just by your side more you could be laughing next to me--Now that is something I can only dream for." Your smile is a cherry blossom that blooms in spring. It shines more than the sun set. I loved seeing it everyday and seeing that smile brought one to me as well. I never knew how important you were going to be to me. I realized after you died but I didn’t have the courage to even tell you that I loved you; I’m too late. Your smile is a cherry blossom that blooms in spring. I love seeing it everyday. I just wanted to spend more time with you and to get to know you a little better--"But that is something I can only wish for."

Act 2 Hydrangea

I didn’t know anything. I thought you were going to be okay. My feelings kept wavering until the day you died. All I can do is go back to that moment. All I can do is cry. I should have gotten to learn more about you. Now, I’m only filled with regrets. That day was cold and damp, but it wasn’t a sad one. I wanted to be your running partner in class but I was too slow to ask. All I can do is go back to that moment. All I can do is cry. I should have gotten to learn more about you. Now, I’m only filled with regrets. One moment you were fine, and the next you were on the ground. The rain started to pour heavily. I saw them put a cover over you. It gave me the idea that you were already dead. I didn't want it to be true. So, I’ll bury your corpse in a hydrangea-filled garden. So that you can be reborn as a beautiful flower. The rain falls wilfully.

Act 3 10/19

From 10 in the morning, In our gym class, when I saw you collapsed, I didn’t recognize you at first. But I believed everyone that you were going to be okay. My foolishness took over me—Now you are in a grave. The monotone sky showed no signs of azure. I imagined us becoming one… just you and me. I pray, I scream to this distorted world. “I won't let anyone tear us apart”. On that day I was extremely terrified. To lose you the one who I love. My love for you hurts me so much I could cry. I’ll do anything for you. I’ll sacrifice everything just to bring you back to my side so we can be together. I didn’t want to believe it was true. I had to because I knew that you weren't going to be coming back ever again. The monotone sky showed no signs of azure. I imagined us becoming one… just you and me. I pray, I scream to this distorted world. “I won’t let anyone tear us apart”. On that day I was extremely terrified. To lose you the one who I love. My love for you hurts me so much I could cry. I’ll do anything for you. I’ll sacrifice everything just to bring you back to my side so we can be together.

Act 4 First Love

Ensnared in everlasting trauma. The love that chained my heart. You’re the one who made me the person I am today. Years pass, I continue desiring you. The scar that you left behind. How dare I try to love anyone else. I don’t have that luxury. Try as I might, I could never succeed. What I thought was love was desire. The one true love I received was from that girl — My first love. The one who changed me was you. Your death made me realize. I never truly cared for anyone but you. The blissfulness of a love that held no falsehoods felt like an eternity in that moment. A love that could have come to fruition, turned and slapped me in the face. Only if I didn’t resist. Only if I knew better. Would the outcome of our future been different? Drain my heart. Revert me back to a hollow shell. I would still choose her — For she’s my muse. Try as I might, I could never succeed. What I thought was love was desire. The one true love I received was from that girl. Only if I didn’t resist. Only if I knew better. Would the outcome of our future been different?

Act 5 Desperate

All I can do is live with these sins because I was the one who killed the one I loved. You are my everything. I just wanted to have you by my side but you are no longer here anymore. "If killing someone means having you by my side, then I will do just that. All I want is to see you smile again." All I can do is live with these regrets. I know that my love for you was no mistake. My wish is but one. I want to see you again. "I’ll never make you cry again!" You are my everything. I just wanted to have you by my side but you are no longer here anymore. "If killing someone means having you by my side, then I will do just that. All I want is to see you smile again!"

Act 6 Let it Burn

What brings us misery is not disappear—It’s hope! I want to burn it all. Eradicate everything in my wake. "Once everything is reduced to ashes will I finally be free?" My pain is only mere feather scrapes. The others pains are much worse. Why do I feel this way?! I’m not undermining anything. What I speak is the honest truth and karma will come back tenfold.