Death of an Inner Child

People spend most of their days worried about the future, about whether they are truly living. I believe that is nothing but past thought, something that isn’t necessary for a man like me. 

The timed ticks of the office clock warned the workers of the deadline. It was crawling closer as we had to ready the documents before the main boss came in. Terrifying it was, but not for me, as I had everything set; it was something I trained for. I had steadily made rows of information on documents day in and day out for this moment, and it was almost done. Just after a few more days of work it will be done. 

“Turner.” I spun around to see one of my coworkers leaning on my office walls. 

“Get off.” I shooed their arm. 

“Okay Mr. Corner Office,” they said sarcastically, “Would you like to get a drink with me?”  

I barked out a laugh. “A drink at this hour? Only a fool would do such a thing!”  

“Ouch,” they shifted, “Can I at least walk you to the bus?”  

They seemed quite uncomfortable with the whole ordeal. “Just go home, I will be fine by myself.” I spun back to face my desk without another thought. 

“Oh. Okay then,” I heard them turn away, “Be safe.”  

I chuckled at the thought of having to do something so unprofessional. How ridiculous, Friday at 6:45 should be lean cuisine with a basic show. 

The document was saved as I closed the computer. I looked at my desk and nudged my mouse a few centimeters to the left as it was throwing off the whole look. A sigh of contempt left me as I reached for my dark leather bag and exited the office.  

The streets scurried with irrelevant people doing untimely things like always. It was the norm in this basic town, the basic town of black roads, different gray buildings, white skies, and varying townspeople.  

An unsightly thing clashed against the regular as it stood against the light gray buildings. A billboard having tints of color, how absurd! As much as it was an eyesore the statement drew some eyes in.  

Be the person younger you would like to be around. 

I scoffed at the words, but something in it seemed intriguing. My attention was pulled away as my bus rolled along the curb. With a screeching halt the doors hissed opened, and I walked to my regular second row seat. I pulled up my phone and scrolled though the news as the world zoomed past me.  

It was the same old things about this troubling world, no surprise there. I continued scrolling but then a forceful brake flung me into the seat in front of me. I barely caught myself as I watched a messy boy stumble into the bus.  

“Of course, a drunk.” I scowled and straightened my jacket.  

I went back to my phone but the feeling of someone staring at me forced me to look up.  

“Can I sit here?” The drunk held a bag of something and was clearly not in the middle class. 

“N-” The bus started suddenly making the boy fall into me.  

He chuckled. “I guess that’s a yes.” He sat upright in the aisle seat. 

I shifted closer to the window and looked around to see every seat covered. A little concerning as I remember the bus being deserted. I sighed and went back to my phone. 

… 

“Do you mind?” I glared at the boy who was leaning over me.  

He flicked a fleeing strand of hair back, “I don’t however news nowadays are always so bad.”  

I pushed him off and straightened my jacket, “It’s always been bad.” 

The bus screeched to a stop as I grabbed my bag. I shooed the boy out of the seat and made my way out of the bus. I started my beeline straight to my apartment when a voice of apologetic bumbles followed me. I turned to confront him, but it was cut short as the sight was confusing. 

“Why thank you good sir,” An old woman took the bag from the boy with gratitude.  

“Of course! I wouldn’t like to see these flowers hungry.” The boy brushed some petals of a bouquet. He looked back at me then at the old woman, “I should get going, see you later Miss.” He waved at her while trotting towards me. 

“Let’s go.” The boy continued an enthusiastic stride into the gray apartment building. 

I followed suit, but it was intriguing how the lobby, elevator, and halls became tinted as he walked past; irritating but intriguing. So intriguing I didn’t even know he led me to my apartment. How in the 5 stars did he know where to go!? 

He planted his feet just to the side of my door and hopped to face me, like he knew that this was mine. His eyes watched me intently as I faced the door and fiddled with the keys. It had the same metallic and black keys but paired with a slightly brown door and tacky carpet. 

The door swung open to reveal my basic but well organized livings. Not a confusing color in sight, just how it should be.  

The boy hesitated before shutting the door behind him. He slowly walked around the area, observing every little thing. I saw as the area around him stayed normal shades of gray; interesting it was.  

“May I know who you are.” I hung my jacket in the closet and met him in the living room. 

The boy spun around a little dazed, “Oh yes! I am Keith Turner a florist from down the street.” He held out his hand with a wide smile painted along his face. 

I stared at him, “Keith Turner, credit analyst on 4th floor.” His hand found mine and gave it a firm shake. 

“Interesting that we have the same name, we seem like total opposites!” He laughed. 

“Yes, interesting it is.” I paused. “So, are you going to go to your place or?”  

“That’s the funny thing…. I kinda don’t have a place.” 

“What do you mean you don’t have a place?”  

“I once had a place, but I was sortaaa kicked out…” Keith rocked back on his heels. 

I sighed as my hand brushed through my slicked hair. “Well you should go down to the flower shop and ask to stay there.”  

“I could but Mrs. Goodman has already done so much, so what if I stay here?”  

“No.” 

Keith looked back at me, “C’mon pleaseee, us Keiths have to stick together.” He pleaded. 

I looked him dead in the eye like he wasn’t already a nuisance by screwing up my night. He slightly retreated but held his ground. 

I sighed, “Fine,” I threw my arms up and walked to the kitchen, “Just don’t ruin anything or I will throw you out.” 

“I will try my best!” I couldn’t see him, but I knew he was smiling. 

I rolled my eyes and grabbed two frozen meals. I placed one on the counter and heated up the other; switching them when one was done. When the microwave was quiet I realized that everything was quiet, which would’ve been nice if I was alone. I got some forks and walked over to the living room where Keith was huddled in the corner like a dragon protecting their hoard. 

“Keith?” I placed the dinners on the side tables. 

“You still like this?” He turned around with a little sun-activated dancing flower in his hands. 

Heat climbed up to my face as my words choked up. “No, I- this- that is not-” I inhaled, “No I don’t, it was a gift from my niece.”  

“Well, she has great taste.” Keith put the flower back on the windowsill and joined me on the couch. 

“Mhm.” I grabbed the remote and turned on an old soap opera about a detective and his daughter. 

“What is this?” I looked over at Keith who was poking his dinner. 

“Lean Cuisine.” 

“Where’s the good food?” 

“Cost too much.” 

“You make like 60 to 70 thousand a year!” 

“If you know that then you should know how much things cost; I have to make this stuff last.” I faced the tv again. Keith mumbled something but I didn’t care enough to pay attention. 

The show hit a monologue moment that piqued my interest. 

“Well you see, what tends to be a trend in these cases is that it is always due to a motive. The motive will not change no matter what, can you guess what the motive is? No? Well it’s the inability to let go, the inability to let go holds a lot of us captive even if we don’t know it, and those who do know try to do something. Some of those things may be self-improvement or murder. Now you might be asking what I might be unable to let go, well it could be current lifestyle, people, the past, or technically anything. It’s quite common, but just don’t kill anyone over it, or do, it let’s me keep my job.” 

I scoffed, these things do affect everyone, everyone but me. I got up from the couch and took our trash away. I caught a glance at the clock and felt satisfied it said 7:45, a little later than usual but still on time. Surprising it was still on time knowing the events that happened today. 

I walked by Keith as I headed to the bedroom, he seemed in another daze and didn’t even notice I was by him. I tapped his shoulder making him jump and spin to look at me. His fearful expression soothed as he realized it was me. 

“Do you have anything to sleep in?” I went to the small closet to grab some old blankets. 

“Nah, I’ll be alright.” He took the blankets with gratitude. 

“Well bathrooms over there, and there’s water in the fridge if you need it.” I pivoted around and started to my bedroom. 

“Thank you.” Keith’s voice was quieter. 

“Don’t mention it.” I shut my door behind me. 

The dark room was illuminated by the light gray moonlight making the scene eerie in a beautiful way. Maybe it was the way the town’s lights don’t reach the window or how everything was just a perfect shade away from one another making everything visible and clear. Such a beauty not many people can understand. 

I straightened my pajamas and collapsed in my bed as exhaustion overtook me. The covers swallowed me whole in a big hug, it was warm and soft, and familiar, but I don’t know where from. It doesn’t matter anyway. 

… 

The light rays of the sun cooked my bed making it impossible to sleep. I groggily sat up and reached for my phone, a little curious why the alarm didn’t go off.  

6:45 

My eyes widened and I jumped out of bed, quickly getting dressed, I busted into the living room. Keith was still dead asleep, which didn’t matter. I made some toast for both of us and cleaned myself up while it was cooking. This wasn’t my routine, but I must make up for some lost time. 

I put Keith’s toast on a plate and held mine as I continued to grab my stuff. I walked into the living room where Keith was just barely waking up.  

“Mmmorning…” He grumbled.  

“Not right now, I’m late.” I swung my leather bag over my shoulders. “Toast is on the counter. Don’t touch anything other than the tv.” 

“K.” 

I shut my door behind me, and hurried to the bus stop, if I’m lucky enough my bus would still be there. I shuddered against the crisp morning air, the thought of having to go onto the 7:30 bus is petrifying as I would devastatingly late for the first time. I stopped at the bus stop and saw my bus leaving. 

“No, no no, dang it!” I frantically looked around for something, anything, to get me to work. 

Taxis, too expensive.

Subway, too expensive. 

I scowled as my gaze landed on the flower shop. Evaluating my options there’s no choice. I begrudgingly walked to Mrs. Goodman who was dusting the register. She saw me and immediately perked up like a puppy, an old puppy.  

“Oh Keith! There you are!” She hobbled over and hugged me. “It’s been so long.” 

“Ah yes…” I pulled away and brushed off my jacket. “Sorry to bother you, but I need something to get to work.”  

“How far away is it?” She tucked her duster away and wobbled to the back. 

“To 4th floor, it’ll be an hour at best.” 

She froze and turned to face me. “Now what are you doing working for those hobgoblins? They take and take and take without a second thought. You see your sister told you about that complex so you could work a favorable job not a soul draining one.” 

The mention of my sister hurt something inside me, but I buried it down. “I appreciate your concern but it pays well and I just have to finish the documents for the main boss.” 

“Enough nonsense Keith, follow me I have better work for you.” Mrs. Goodman took my hand and led me to a corner of the store where it was just stacked with plants. “Now tell me what is wrong with this flower.” She pointed at this gray looking rose. 

“It’s gray?” I guessed. 

“Gray? Oh, heavens no!” She touched the petals with such delicacy. “It’s rough and brittle, caused by too little hydration. Now, what do we do to fix that?” 

“Give it water?” She wacked my head with the duster. 

“C’mon now that’ll kill it! We need to give it a special blend of nutrients that’s mixed with light water.” She looked at me with sincerity, “What happened boy? When you first came here you loved my shop and you kept telling me off for ridiculous things.” 

“That boy was a fool that had no sense in moneymaking.” I looked down at her. 

“Is money all that is on your mind!” Worrying about that won’t fix anything! For heaven’s sake, you work at 4th floor and still live in an apartment!” 

“I’m aware of my living situation Mrs. Goodman.” I turned for the door, “It was an untimely mistake coming here.” I walked through the store of my childhood wishes but it was now gray and brittle like that sad rose.  

When I made my way to the bus stop, I called my boss telling him I would be extremely late. I sighed and sat down on the bench, something inside me was hurting but I buried it under my responsibilities. 

My phone buzzed in my pocket, I picked it up and answered. 

“Hello?” 

“Keith!” 

“Yeah?” 

“I heard you won’t be in today, why’s that?” 

“I missed my bus and I have to wait for the next one.” 

“How long will that be?” 

“A little more than an hour minutes.” 

“AN HOUR!?” 

I pulled the phone away from my ear. 

“Yeah, I live far away. 

“This can’t do. I’ll be coming to pick you up. What’s your address?” 

“You don’t have to.” 

“The boss is coming in today! I must!” 

“Why in the 5 stars is he coming in today!?” 

“I have no idea, everyone’s freaking out and we know you have the things to help us.” 

“I’ve sent you my address, hurry.” 

“Alright.” 

I put my phone away and looked around to try to ease my nerves. My eyes caught sight of that eyesore of a billboard.  

Let it go.  

What the hell? I’ve never seen a billboard change that fast before. It’s almost like it’s talking to me. My attention was pulled away by the squealing of brakes, a cop car pulled in front of me. I opened the door to see my coworker, he was out of breath. 

“How did you get here so fast?” 

“Cop car, lights, dad, get in.” He breathed. 

I hopped in and buckled my seatbelt. He didn’t waste a moment as he turned on the sirens and booked it. I tried to scream but my voice got caught in my throat, all I could do was look out the window. The same billboard kept popping up. 

Let it go, Keith. 

Please. 

Please don’t do this. 

Don’t let me go. 

I shut my eyes and opened them to the 4th floor building. My coworker and I bolted up the stairs to our office where the meeting was being held. Everyone looked at us as we approached my desk. I opened the laptop and pulled up the documents. 

My heart dropped.  

The words, all my hard work was destroyed. I frantically took a thumb drive I had saved and put it in the laptop. Everything was back. I sighed and spun back to face the circle around my walls. 

“Alright we need to fill in the rest of these with billings, spendings, taxes, and everything under the moon. Most of it is done, I’ll send each of you a copy for you to finish, follow my work and it will be done in a timely manner.” 

I spun back around to my desk and started the sharing process as the circle dissolved. I made sure everyone had something to do. I sighed and leaned back in my chair. 

“Keith.” 

 I spun around to see my coworker who helped me get here. “Yeah?”  

They fell into me with a hug. I stiffened as I realized their clothes had color. I patted their shoulder as they got off. 

“Thank you for getting me here.” 

“Anything for you Mr. Corner office.” 

Something dinged on my computer and just like that everything drained. The color that once was on my coworker was now a dull gray, and one phrase made it that way. 

Goodbye Keith.