Through The Cupboard

At night, I used to look at my dark green, costume cupboard at the end of my bed and imagine it was like the cupboard from Narnia. Sometimes I would even climb inside and knock on the wooden planks just in case. I especially used to do this at quarter to four every Thursday, fifteen minutes before I had to leave for violin practice. I was 5 at the time and had just attended my first classical concert and I had apparently turned to my parents during the concert and said ‘I want to play the violin.’ I imagine they looked at each other with pride and both had the same thought running through their head: ‘A child prodigy.’ Unfortunately, their hopes were flattened one day when my violin teacher said ‘Maybe she should try piano instead.’ I couldn’t have agreed more with him, although piano lessons didn’t last much longer.

My fantasies about my costume cupboard being some kind of portal didn’t just spring from Narnia. Almost every night before bed I would request a story from my dad and every night he would start the story off with his deep soft voice ‘Once upon a time there was a little boy called Peter who had a magnificent costume cupboard.’ Then he would make Peter dress in a different costume each night. ‘Peter decided that he would wear his Sailor costume today. So he climbed into his cupboard and put on his striped blue and white trousers with a matching shirt and cap. Peter then opened the cupboard door again only to find that he was on a ship, surrounded by sea!’. Peter would then go on to have the most amazing adventure and always just make it back home in time for tea.

Although my costume cupboard didn’t teleport me to different countries or centuries, it remained my favourite possession and the thing that helped me through mundane days at school. When I lay in bed at night and imagined my cupboard being magical, other more common thoughts circled through my head as well, like: If there was a fire in the flat, what would I save? The answer would always be: my dog, Mr. Penguino, and my costume cupboard.

From the ages of five to eleven I kept a similar after-school routine. I started my trek home at two o'clock, only making a quick stop in the corner shop to buy a kinder bueno. I would walk on with a grin and chocolate all over my face as I imagined my costumes waiting in the shadows of my cupboard for me to get home. I would then throw the wrapper away into the bin on the street just before ours, skip into the lift where there was a mirror, frantically wipe away the remaining evidence, greet my frantic dog, and reply ‘Good’ to all my parents' questions. All checked-in, I would finally open up my dark green cupboard to a colourful inside. What shall it be today? A fiery flamenco dancer or a pristine ballet dancer?

I think my best costume must have been when I dressed up as an old granny. I found a long skirt, put on a small straw hat and layered as many scarves as I could around myself. A small stick I had found on a walk acted as my walking stick. It made me bend my back so low that when I walked into the kitchen to mess around with tea and granny things, my parents got quite a shock and didn’t recognise me at all to begin with.

I knew every item of clothing in the cupboard, from the loose beads of the Turkish costume my mum brought back from her travels to the small holes in granny’s scarves. Yet still I would give my full attention to each item, not leaving a single pair of shoes out until I found the costume for the day. I could be Marie Antionette on a Monday and Mary Poppins on Friday. For Marie Antoinette, I would tuck my dog under my arm, speak in my best French accent, sip tea, and eat imaginary cake. For Mary Poppins I would walk with my feet pointed out, my umbrella pointed up and prance around singing ‘A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down, medicine go down…..’.

Somewhere around four to five o’clock I would be knocked out of my trance with ‘Come on, come on sweetie we’ve got to go now! Why aren’t you dressed?’. Half an hour later I’d find myself running around a track in grey leggings and a t-shirt, or in a Spanish class singing songs I didn't understand. I’d stay quiet at these after-school activities and let my mind wander off to finishing the stories I hadn’t got to finish. What did Marie Antoinette do after that rude lady at tea threw her cup on the floor?

Somewhere around eleven, we moved countries and the costume cupboard didn’t come with us. Around thirteen I began to forget about it and concentrated on my exams and friends. At sixteen the question ‘What do you want to do when you’re older?’ became a little more serious and at eighteen it changed to ‘What are you studying in uni next year?’. It was always: I don’t know.

I tried getting into business but only did my homework when I pretended to be a multi-millionaire businessman doing paperwork. My favourite part of Biology was when we got told to put on our white lab coats. My mind would drift off during these moments like it used to when I opened the door of that costume cupboard.

I didn’t end up going to university that next year. But I did end up moving back to the country with the costume cupboard. My mum and dad said to me one day ‘Do you want to look through your cupboard?’. They led me to the now chipped, dark green cupboard that creaked terribly when I opened it. All the clothes inside looked much smaller, but they were there, and the same feeling washed over me from when I was five. An excitement turned into curiosity, and soon I was in the other world that I hadn't visited in such a long time.

All those hours spent taking quizzes to see what career would suit me best, when the doorway was in plain sight.