To love is to lose your mind, and Amanda Grace lost hers.

“Speak, now.” I demand through gritted teeth. 

My entire body is shaking, never in my life would I picture myself in this scenario. “ Please…” The voice trembles, tears fall from his eyes as he lays helplessly on the floor. “ I told you I don’t know anything!” He yells. I bite my bottom lip, trying to contain the very little amount of patience I have left in my body. “ I don’t believe you.” I say. I’m praying he can’t see the fear in my eyes, hoping he can’t see I’m not made out for this. 

His chest rises and falls rapidly, “I swear if I knew what happened to your sister I would tell you, I- I don’t know anything.” He defends. 

I take a deep breath, “ You are making this a lot harder then it needs to be.” I say through gritted teeth, “Now where is she?” I say pointing the gun at him. 

He whimpers, he’s so afraid he can’t even get the words out of his mouth. “ I swear! I swear on my life I don’t know!” He yells dragging himself away from me so his back is now met with the Wall behind him. 

I bite my tongue, “You were the last person she texted!” I yell, “And that was nine weeks ago.” I say my voice breaking as tears swell the corners of my eyes at the painful memory. 

One October morning my baby sister never came back from school. I remember that day, I remember singing in the car on the way to school. I remember pulling to the curb to drop her off. I’ll never forget the smile she gave me as she closed the door, her bright, beautiful smile, the smile that I’ll never see again. I remember my Mother barging into my room that evening,

“Have you seen Kira?” She said gripping the handle to my door. 

I sat up for on my bed, No, Is she not in her room?” 

“No, she’s not. Did she mention anything about going to a friends house, her boyfriends?” She asked getting impatient.

I shook my head, “No.. The last time I saw her was this morning before I went to school.” 

My mother stared at the floor before shaking her head, “ I’m getting your father, somethings not right.” She said shutting the door. 

I sat there alone, fear settled in the pit of my stomach. I grabbed my phone, and my fingers started racing along the keypad.

Hey moms freaking out, where are you?

Hello???

Answer me now.

Kira you’re starting to scare me. 

I was about to call her, until I heard muffled yells from downstairs. Discreetly, I made my way to the top of the stairs, shuffling my feet on the creaking floorboards.

“ What the hell is wrong with you!” My Mother yelled. “ I just think we shouldn’t Jump to conclusions.” My Father said calmly. “Jump to conclusions!” My Mother laughed Hysterically, “ The school said Kira didn’t show up to her last two classes!” 

“Maybe she skipped them.” 

“Yeah skipped them and never came home! I’m calling the police.” She said and stormed into the kitchen.

My knuckles turned white as I gripped the banister. 

Immediately I rushed downstairs and walked to the front door. 

“Where the hell do you think you’re going.” My Mother barked about to dial the police.

“ To look for Kira.” I said my voice shook as I zipped up my jacket. 

“No, I’m not loosing more then one daughter today.” She said making her way toward me.

“Yeah, and Im not going to sit here and do nothing!” I yelled.

“Don’t you dare walk out that door.” She said pointing her veiny finger at me. 

As I grabbed the door handle I don’t break eye contact. 

“Amanda Grace!” My mother yelled between gritted teeth.

I slammed the door behind me. 

I found myself in the empty parking lot of Westland high-school. I dragged my converse until the pebbles and cement turned into leaves and grass.

“Kira!” I yelled into the darkness of the forest. 

I shined my flashlight into the woods and started to merge into it. 

I picked up my feet avoiding roots and rocks.

Why the hell would she be here? I thought to myself.

As I’m about to lose all hope my foot kicked something soft. 

My entire body froze, it’s the feeling when you know something is about to happen, but you don’t have the strength to admit it. 

I shined the light on the dull colors of the autumn leaves until something vibrant caught my eye.

I bend over and observe the item, 

It’s a shoe, 

A pink converse.

The pink converse Kira was wearing when she went to school.

I put my hand over my mouth. My entire world stopped, because Kira was my air . And I didn’t know if I would ever be able to breathe again. 

I picked up the shoe and brought it home, it was the last piece of Kira I ever saw.

I snap out of the torturous memory and back to the sixteen year old boy who weeps before me. 

I cock the gun and point it at him, “I’m gonna give you one more chance.” I say weakly, tears running down my face and into the creases of my mouth.

“Please, I loved Your sister. I would never wish harm upon her!” He digs the side of his face into the cement, hoping it will absorb him whole to escape the threat in-front of him. 

I shake my head, “No, if you loved her, you would have helped us look! You would have been there Chris! Where the fuck were you!” I say taking a few steps closer to him.

He puts his hands out, “ I couldn’t, I was in to much pain!” 

I shake my head disregarding his feelings, “You were hurt?” I laugh putting the gun to my side. 

“You have no idea what I’ve lost!” I yell, the taste of salt flooding my mouth.

“ I know, and I’m sorry this terrible thing has happened to your family, but look at yourself Amanda! This isn’t the type of person you want to be…” My face scrunches up, two sides of my mind are battling each-other. The side that Loves my sister, and the side that knows he’s right. 

“Go.” I say looking at the ground. 

He doesn’t budge, “I said get out of here! Go!” 

He rushes up and runs out the door.

I look to the gun at my side. Is this the person I am? This is the person I’ve turned into? 

I unload the gun and toss it to the side. My body aches as it finds the floor. 

Maybe I have gone crazy, maybe he’s right. Maybe I’m consumed by the fact I’ll never know what happened that day, or where she is now.

But maybe, it’s worth loosing your mind. To find the person who knows it.