Military Man of Instagram

Tues 08:05

Dear Military Man, Delighter of my Dreams,

I know you said to call you John, but I enjoy the titles I give you. It pulls me back to that moment you found me on Instagram. How the tingling rushed over my wrinkled skin (which you say you won’t mind) when I saw your photo. The warmth in your eyes, the bashful smile, US Army embroidered over your camouflaged heart.

I need to hold on to that moment. Yesterday evening was not good. You see, I finally had the courage to tell my two children about you. I knew, despite the fact they’re adults, how they would balk at this “ancient” mother of theirs falling in love. Honestly, it’s been five years since their father passed, yet to witness their reaction, you would think it was five minutes. How can they expect me to spend the remaining years God sees fit to grant me sitting here alone, only looking back at love?

My son’s reaction was ridiculous. Hurtfully so. He laughed. Said there was no way a forty-five-year-old man would fall for a woman aged seventy. Should I believe him, my darling? Am I the fool he made me feel last night?

My daughter’s response was more disconcerting. She sat in silence, her eyes wide, boring through me, until she said. “You know this isn’t real?”

I have barely slept during the night.

Tues 08:35

My Beautiful Lady,

It must be so hard for your children. They have only seen you with your wonderful husband. I know he was so very wonderful to have captured the heart of a dazzling lady like yourself. I pray I am worthy enough to capture your heart. For now, I will answer your questions, my beautiful, amazing darling.

Your son does not know the way of the heart of every person in this world. I ask you to look at American artist Georgia O’Keeffe and also your very own Princess Margaret. When these ladies are alive, they too had men decades younger who loved them crazily.

And you are more beautiful than Princess Margaret. And with your talent for words, you are almost a poet, and so much more creativity than Georgia OKeeffe… and I remind you to please forgive my words when I misspell or grammar is not perfect. It is very tiring to the brain here in Gaza. But instead of resting, I must reach out to you, my Love. There is no rest for the heart that longs too much for its soulmate.

Tues 09.42 am

Military Man, Handler of my Heart,

Of course I know you are true. But please, I can’t bear this talk only by private messages. Will you reconsider meeting with me on a Zoom call? I want to experience the warmth of your eyes looking into mine. Not just through a camera lens held by someone else. I long to hear your voice. I try imagining your Texas accent. I’m not sure I have those American southern inflections correct. I want to know it firsthand so that when I read your tender words, I can hear your tone. Please, if you give me your email address, I will send you a Zoom link. Let me know what time would be best for you to speak?

Tues 16:43

My beautiful lady,

My apologize so many hours to respond. I have had to rescue a group of children from danger. To see children at risk of harm rips my heart in pieces. I have not told you this yet. I lost my only child just five years ago. Around the time you lose your husband. Another link between us that our hearts were torn in so many places miles apart, but in the same moments. If only we had each other then. But we can piece those broken segments together for each other now, can’t we, my darling?

My son was only ten, and he had leukaemia. My wife break down and leave. I employed every doctor in American to help my son. But I could not save him. It is my life’s mission now to save every child I can.

You have asked me about Zoom. I have already told you how I feel about the 2D screen before we have met. It does not transmit chemistry. I worry you will think there is none if we meet first by the screen.

Give to me words, my darling. You write them well because you know it is power. Written words travel straight in the soul.

I dream of the day when I am standing in front of you, holding your pretty face in my hands. I long for when we lean to each other the very first time for tender kiss. We must make this day happen soon.

Wed 06.30 am

Military Man,

I am shaking. Another night of dreadful sleep. My daughter came to visit in the evening. She said the most terrible things. You see, I was so sad to hear about your precious son. Tears streaming down my face, I told her about it. I can’t believe what happened next and I can hardly bear to tell you. Then I remembered our promise that we would never lie to each other, or keep anything secret.

So, even though it shames me, I will tell you her reaction. She looked at your lovely photos on Instagram and insisted you were a fake. She told me you were not in the army, you probably weren’t even American, and that you are one of these terrible people she has read about. A scammer, she said. Someone looking to cheat me out of money. We argued. I asked her to leave. I’m still shaking as I type these words to you.

Wed 07.13

My beautiful lady,

I’m so sorry your daughter upsets you. But you know this love is real. For me, it is more real than the medals I wear, the boot laces I tie. More real than the gunshots I wake up to each morning. I open my eyes, rush towards the trenches and with every step I think not of dying, but only thanking God we have found each other. If I survive my missions here, I want nothing from you but love.

To cheer you up, look at my new photo on Instagram. Very cute puppy that I rescued from deserted building last night. What shall we name him?

Wed 07.32

My Military Man, Proprietor of my Passion,

You are the most caring human being I have known, and in my seventy years, I have known many. I love that you possibly risked your life to save that little puppy. He looks like a Labrador. Are they popular in Gaza? Someone as kind as you. How can I not believe you mean every word to me? When my children finally meet you, maybe then they will see the truth.

When will this be, my love? When can you come to England? I don’t know how much longer I can wait.

Wed 18.42

My Beautiful Lady,

I am so sad today. So broken hearted. My heart is as torn as the day of my son’s diagnosis. I planned a surprise for you. I was to be given leave next weekend. My surprise to come to England. Sergeant says no. Things have got too worse here. Now my sergeant say I cannot have leave for six months.

I cannot do this anymore. I have seen too much hate here. My friends shot, killed. I need to be in your loving arms. There is a way I can leave, but it is not procedure. I can pay someone to smuggle me out of this terrible place and bring me to you. But the person asks for a bribe. I only have half my month’s salary in my bank account. He is asking for ten times more. I have this amount he asks, but it is locked away in America.

I want to be with you. Now. Tonight. Can you help? I am not asking you to pay for it. As soon as I am in England with you, I can contact my money advisor and give back you every penny. But part of me is so frightened to even ask this because of what your daughter has said to you. My darling, do you believe me?

Wed 18.59

Dear Military Man,

I’m worried for you. Can you really do this? Run out on the army? Will it put you in more danger? My heart is beating so fast with fear. What if the army catches you running away illegally? Do they arrest you for this? Please reassure me, my love.

Wed 19:48

My beautiful lady,

The only laws that matter now are laws of love. I must be with you. I want to arrange escape. What thing that stops me from crossing the miles into your arms is the money this man asks. Ten thousand English Pounds. I have that and much more, but I cannot access it until I am in England.

Wed 21:06

Dear Military Man,

I can barely keep my fingers still to type this message. My hands are trembling so much. My daughter has just been here. My son was with her. She shoved her phone in front of my face and demanded I look at her Instagram messages. She has received messages from YOU! YOU! And, I was nearly sick when she showed me the private photograph. I’m too disgusted to describe it. She shouted and shouted at me, ‘A dick pic! A dick pic!’ My son sat shaking his head. He said there are no American troops in Gaza, and in any case, soldiers were not in their forties. He told me he would remove all my social media accounts from my phone and laptop if I didn’t block you now.

I sit here crying. Tears on my laptop keys. My heart is in shreds. I wait to hear from you. Some explanation. Tell me please that somehow this all isn’t true.

Thursday 06:42

My beautiful lady,

Thank God you gave me your phone number last week and I can now message you on WhatsApp. Something terrible has happened. Hackers have taken over my Instagram account. They have take control of my photos, my messages. I am devastated because they send terrible pictures pretending they are me. And I panic. I think they are talking to you, my beautiful lady, and sending you these. Please stop writing to my Instagram. They are fakes controlling my account.

07:33

Dear Military Man,

I knew something was wrong. I did not get a terrible picture, only my daughter received it. I’m still too upset by everything. I will message again later.

07:44

My beautiful lady,

You think it was me????

07:46

My darling Military Man,

Of course, I know it wasn’t you. I’m just so shaken by it all. But I’m calming down.

08:03

My beautiful lady,

I need to be with you. Your children need to see me for who I truly am.

08:04

Military Man, my children tell me I am crazy.

08:14

Beautiful lady, we both are crazy. Crazy in love. But I don’t care. Do you? Can you help us be together now? I can’t wait anymore. And I am scared I will never get to hold you because I never know if today will be the day I die like my friends. It will cost you nothing because the ten thousand pounds will be back to your bank account within an hour of me landing at Heathrow Airport.

08:22

I’m scared, Military Man. Shaken still by everything. I want you here and then my son’s face, my daughter’s angry words crowd into my mind until I feel unable to think clearly.

08:24

My poor beautiful lady,

It is because your children have put these terrible thoughts about me in your head. They scared because they know the truth. That I want to marry you. Yes, my darling, that is what I want. I have known it from the second day we talk through our messages. Your gentle words, the lines on your face that tell me they there because you are a lady who smiles so much. Maybe it’s me you smile for?

The thought of their momma marrying again is too much. But once your children meet me and see the love in my eyes for their mother, it will all be okay. I promise.

Will you send the money as loan so I can fly to be with you? Tonight I can be in your arms, my darling.

08:48

My Military Man, I want to send you the money. I want you to fly over here and be with me. I’m just too shaken by everything right now. It’s making me confused. I’m sorry.

08.52

Okay, my beautiful lady, I understand. What I will do is send you a photograph of my bank account. You will see I have just over two thousand US dollars in there. What is left of this month’s salary. Will it make you better to see that is real?

08.54

I don’t know. Sorry. My thoughts are so mixed up. Please, give me time to think.

08:55

Beautiful lady, do you love me?

08:56

Yes.

08:58

I am so happy for your love. The man here who will take me. He said for extra two thousand pounds I can bring our puppy. Do you have twelve thousand pounds available for me to pay back immediately when I come to England?

08:59

I have. I have plenty of money and I don’t care about any of it. This is not about money. It’s about me feeling trust. One moment I feel it so strongly, I’m ready to send you anything you need. Seconds later, an icy wave of fear washes through me and everything feels strange.

08:59

Do you truly love me? I love you so much, beautiful lady. So very much. What if I prove to you how you can trust me? I can show you first how I trust you. Give me your bank account details and I will send you some of what I have left and then you will see how much I love and trust you. Then I hope you can love and trust me the same. This is what I pray for.

9:04

Military Man, I’m not sure what you mean, yet I want to trust. My children will kill me, but here are my details.

9.05

Thank you for believe in me my beautiful lady. Now, to show how much you can trust me, I am about to send you one hundred US dollars. When you receive that, you will prove to me your trust too and will send the twelve thousand pounds, yes? This is only loan from you for few hours until I am with you. Is it a deal? I send you the one hundred dollars?

09:10

I want to, my Military Man, but my mind is spinning again. It’s not the twelve thousand pounds. God knows I have more than enough from my husband’s life insurance. No, it’s these awful words from my children, saying our love is a fabrication. If I could be one hundred percent certain that all you and I have shared is real, I would gladly give everything I own away to a cat’s home or whatever. I just want love. And to feel how I did two days ago. Before my children trampled on my joy. These last few weeks have been the happiest of my life. It feels crazy even saying that when I was married for forty-five years.

09:10

My Beautiful lady,

My heart warms so much with your last sentence. Married forty-five years. Do you realise I was born the year you got married? It like my soul came to the world knowing one day your husband must leave and I need to come to look after your heart. So much links between us. I want to cry at the beauty of our love.

09.23

Military Man, I have never felt like this about anyone and for that, I feel guilty. Using my husband’s money to bring a man to me, especially one whom I love with such a passion. You see, you’ve awoken something in me that even he couldn’t reach and now I wonder, can he see this?

09:24

He is in heaven wanting this for you. Now, beautiful lady, I send you the one hundred dollars? Then you send me the twelve thousand pounds and we be together forever?

09:25

Military Man, I was so sure of everything before. I want to feel sure again. Give me a few hours please to think all this through.

09:33

Okay, I understand. Maybe one hundred dollars is not enough. How much to make you feel safe with me? Five hundred?

09:34

I don’t know. Please let me think about everything. I still love you.

09:35

Beautiful lady, I will show you how much of my heart is yours. I send you five hundred dollars. No wait. I send you more. One thousand dollars. That is close to one thousand pounds, correct? So little money to you, but almost everything to me. You see what I willing to do just for you? When you have received that, you will feel safe to send me your twelve thousand. I promise.

09:35

Okay

09:35

Then you send the twelve thousand pounds? Straight away?

09.36

Yes. I’ll do it. I need to be with you.

09.58

My beautiful lady,

I have sent you my one thousand dollars. My bank say you will have it in two hours.

12:04

Beautiful lady, did you receive the money?

13.09

Beautiful lady, where are you? Did you receive the money?

16.39

Beautiful lady, I am getting scared. Please answer.

17.03

Beautiful lady?

17:42

Beautiful lady??

Friday 01.16

Beautiful lady???????