A Little Pain for a Lotta Peace

Lara's first thought after jumping from a 20-story building was it takes much longer than she thought it would to hit the ground. She'd jumped headfirst because who would want even the smallest possibility of ending up a vegetable? She knew it was cowardly. Her sister had a one-year-old and a doting husband. Lara had friends but none of them were close. It would devastate her sister, but everyone else would move on fairly quickly. That's how inconsequential she was.

She'd tried at one point. Been there for people. Been the goofy, silly one so everyone would laugh. But no one ever took time to see beyond the goofy. She supposed she couldn't blame them. Most people spend a lot of their time thinking about themselves anyway. But just once she wanted someone to ask about her and truly care about the answer. Eventually she'd backed off because the goofy ironically got heavy after a while. She was tired of pretending she was okay, but it was a bummer for people if they picked up on that energy which in turn, depressed her. So, she'd distanced herself. What's truly sad is they didn't ask after her. They didn't text her. They didn't wonder where she'd gone. It was as if she'd never been there at all. She was boring. Vanilla. A buzzkill. There was a part of her that knew she had more to live for: To see the stars in the desert free of light pollution. To deep sea dive with whales. To see the hot air balloons in Turkey. After all, she was only 30. But she'd cycled through this more times than she could count and she was so tired of being in pain.

When she was 10, she'd gone to the funeral of a little boy her same age. She didn't know him, but he was a part of the community, and her mother knew his mother. Dylan was his name. He'd died because he'd been riding shotgun with his brother, 10 years his senior. It was raining and they'd hydroplaned, rolling the truck. The window was open on his side, and he wasn't wearing a seatbelt, so when the truck rolled it crushed him. Lara could tell the loss had broken his mother in half. Dylan's mom then said something that'd always stuck with her. She said, "Dylan always used to say he wasn't here for long. He even wrote his name in the "Deaths" section of the Family Bible." Cold ran through Lara. Despite that, she envied him. At 10 yrs old, she'd envied him that he'd died. She'd had a painful life already and just wanted it to stop. He was done. He was out of the game. He would feel pain no longer. That's what she wanted. It made her weak. It made her a coward. It made her selfish. But she didn't want life anymore. She had no fight anymore.

Right before she hit the pavement, she had one more regretful thought: I wish I could've felt joy more than I felt pain.

She cracked her eyes. It was all she was able to do at the moment. It was raining. It should have been pelting her in the eyes, but she felt nothing. There were people grouped around looking at her.

Some were crying.

Four or five police cars.

Caution tape.

So many blinking lights.

Where was she?

She couldn't feel the rain.

She couldn't feel the breeze that was clearly blowing through the tree above her.

She knew that tree.

How did she know that tree?

An officer looked down at her, his face quietly grim. She recognized him. He looked up and yelled something at someone she couldn't see or hear.

What was going on?

She needed to get up.

It took all her willpower to sit up. Her entire body was sore as if she'd been hit by a truck. She stood up, her bones creaking as she did.

She turned....and saw something that made her entire frame shudder.

It was a face.

Or what had once been a face.

A face she'd seen at least 10,950 times. A face she'd avoided mirrors for, because it'd upset her so much. Lara. Her name was Lara. It all came flooding back. And yet, she still felt pain. Inside, it felt like her heart was imploding. It didn't work. Of course it didn't fucking work. That puddle of what used to be her should've been a clear sign that it did indeed work.

Just then, the officer came back with a group of men wearing plastic suits. Cleanup crews. Awesome. She would get scraped off the road like a bug from the windshield. She looked at the officer. Officer Patel. He hung out with his partner often by the bagel shop on the corner of her building. She'd always thought he had kind eyes. He'd smiled at her once and she always remembered his name after that. Pretty pathetic

"Officer."

He looked up at her, but his brow furrowed, and he shook his head quickly like he had a headache.

"Officer." Nothing.

"Hey!" She waved at one of the men in the plastic suits. He walked around her, setting the body bag on the other side of her....body.

She caught something out of the corner of her eye. It was bright lavender. Kaley? Her sister was wandering down the street like she was lost.

"Kaley!"

Kaley turned toward her, cocked her head as if confused, then stared long at her. Her eyes filled with tears.

She jogged over to her.

Kaley tensed and backed up.

"Kaley, it's Lara. Do you remember me?"

Kaley shook as if waking up and nodded.

"How are you here?"

"I was gonna ask you the same thing, hon."

"Idk. I was feeling tired and pretty hopeless, but then I just woke up here. I don't remember."

Lara stood in her way. "Kaley, why can you see me? How can you see me?"

"Why can I see you? What are you talking about? Lara, you're scaring me!"

"No one else can see or hear me. How can you?"

"Because she's dying." The voice made both of them jump. It was deep and came from the shadows. A very large man with sandy blonde shoulder length hair appeared from the darkness. His clothes were beige, making him blend in with the building behind him. They were tattered and covered in grime like he'd been wearing them a long time.

"Who are you?"

"It doesn't matter. What matters is she's dying." He pointed at Kaley.

Kaley jolted, scoffing. "Um, honey, we should go," beginning to drag Lara away.

"No! Tell me what you mean!"

"You see that light coming off her? It means wherever she is, she still has life."

"Where were you? The last memory you have, where were you?!"

"I....I was-I was in my bedroom. I had just put the baby to sleep."

"Okay, we have to go. We have to go now."

"Lara! What is going on?"

"We don't have time to explain but he says you're dying, so we're going to your house. You have to trust me. How do we get there?" She looked at beige coat man.

"I assume we can't ride in cars or the subway."

"No, we can't. We travel differently."

"We?"

He didn't reply. Just held out his hand.

Kaley looked at it warily.

Lara tensed. "How do you know it will work?"

His eyes seemed to glow with the amount of grief reflected in them. It made her heart hurt.

"I have had much time to practice."

"Why are you helping us?"

"Because I know I am supposed to. That is all I know." He flicked his hand again.

Lara dragged Kaley forward, putting her hand out.

"Lara..no..."

Lara touched his hand then they were in Kaley's living room.

Lara immediately sprinted upstairs. The baby was screaming. Lara ignored her and bolted for Kaley's bedroom. The bedside lamp was on, the rest of the room dim. Kaley was sprawled on her bed, an empty pill bottle on the nightstand. Kaley walked in behind her. a look of horror on her face.

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! What have I done?!"

"Kaley, I know but you need to focus. Where is your phone?"

"Oh my god!" She started screaming

"KALEY! WHERE.IS.YOUR.PHONE?"

Kaley was shaking. "It's....it-it must be in Annie's room."

Lara rushed to go get it, then stopped. Kaley was still looking her physical body. The man was standing over her.

"You!"

They both turned.

Lara looked into his eerie eyes.

"How do I dial?"

"You have to-never mind you won't have time to learn."

They both ran into the nursery. Annie was on her back, all of her limbs flailing restlessly.

There! On the rocking chair

"Now! Do it!"

He walked over and paused, staring at it. His eyes squinted and he reached out.

He grunted. The lights flickered. He tried again.

"Hurry!"

He strained, visibly sweating, then the phone was just...in his hands.

"Please! Hurry! Dial it!"

"What do I dial?"

"What?! What do you mean? Dial 911!"

"They didn't have these when I was alive!"

A series of whooshing sounds went through the air as he dialed. 9....1....1.....

It began ringing....ringing....

"Come on!"

"911, what's your emergency? Hello? What's your emergency?"

"What do we do?!" Lara screamed

"I've never figured out how to talk to them."

Annie! Annie was still screaming.

"Hello?! I hear the baby. I'm tracking your phone and sending a unit to your address. Hold on! Just hold one!"

Lara sagged in relief, turning in the process. Kaley was standing there, tears streaming down her face.

She walked over to Annie and put her hand on her tiny tummy.

Annie immediately quieted.

"She is so beautiful," Kaley rasped

"Kaley, baby...what happened? Why did you do it?"

"I have not been well, Lara. And I yelled at her today." She looked down at the small, soft head with a tuft of strawberry blonde hair. Stroked her impossibly soft cheek, splotchy red from crying.

"This tiny, beautiful miracle depends on me and I yelled at her for throwing her food. How awful is that?"

"Kaley, look at me."

She kept looking at Annie, shaking.

"Kaley."

She looked up.

"You are a wonderful mother. You are everything she could hope for, but you're human. She is well. She knows how much you love her. Having a baby is really hard. Taking care of one is even harder, honey. But I promise you, she loves you and she needs you here. She needs her mother."

Kaley shuddered with a sob. "Oh, what I have done?"

"There's still time. We have time to fix it, okay? Look at that."

Annie had wrapped her hand around Kaley's finger.

"She shouldn't be able to do that," beige coat man said.

"We have no substance."

"Well, she's still alive, yes?"

He hesitated, cocked his head as if hearing something from another room then nodded.

Kaley looked confused. "What do you mean, still alive?" She looked back and forth between he and I.

Just then, they heard the front door slam open.

"Hello? Is anyone here?"

The sound startled Annie into crying again.

Lara heard a lot of feet shuffling followed by echoes of "CLEAR!" "CLEAR!"

Then, an officer in a tactical vest rounded the corner into the nursery, a pistol and flashlight in his hand. "CLEAR! We have a baby up here!" He continued down the hall and turned into Kaley's room.

"Oh shit," he muttered.

"ALL CLEAR!" Get the medics in here now!"

They all followed him in the room, staring in horror.

"Ma'am? Ma'am, can you hear me?" Kaley didn't move.

He quickly threw back the covers and lifted her from the bed, setting her on the floor.

"Dispatch, this is Officer Moore. Get in touch with Glendale Regional. Let them know we're going to need a stomach pump ready immediately."

He began performing CPR, then turned.

"Hey, assholes! Someone take care of the baby and stop gawking! Two of you stay here to alternate chest compressions. Come on lady! Breathe! Where are the fucking medics?!"

Kaley was crying and screaming but they couldn't hear her.

Suddenly, physical Kaley gasped, lurched and threw up.

"Oh, thank God. Come on, lady. That's it." Kaley's breaths were shallow, but she was still breathing and unconscious.

Kaley looked at us.

"Lara, why are you here?"

Lara just stared, tears gathering in her eyes.

"Oh, Lara, no..." she whispered

Lara nodded.

"How are you here then? I don't understand."

The strange man stepped out of the shaded corner of the bedroom.

"Lara was in pain, Kaley. More than most have to carry. There are some people in this life walking around in pain all the time. It gets heavy. Too heavy." There was a long pause as he looked down.

"I had no choice but to end it. But, to take a life you have to save one for balance."

"But...you helped save Kaley and I helped her...so it counts for both of us?

He stared, his expression unreadable.

"She is my redemption at last. My second life I've helped save. I had to save two lives."

"Why?" Even though she dreaded the answer.

"Me taking my own life killed my mother. She had a heart attack as soon as she heard."

There was a long pause as no one knew what to say.

"I'm so sorry. When was that?"

"1915."

"1915?! But it's 2015!" Kaley gasped.

"Like I said, I have had a long time to practice. I saved another in 1958. Unfortunately, you can't go look for opportunities to save people. I've talked with others. You just appear when you're supposed to where you're supposed to be."

"Lara!"

Lara turned toward Kaley. Kaley was slowly fading.

"Lara, wait. I'm not ready to say goodbye to you." She was crying again.

Lara couldn't breathe. She loved Kaley dearly but she had no fight left. She had to be done.

"I know, baby, but I can't anymore. It's also too late for me."

Kaley started crying harder and pulled her in for a hug.

"Don't leave me yet. I love you more than I can say, kiddo."

"I know, but you have to go back. Right?" Lara looked at beige coat man.

"If she stays away from her body much longer it will be too late."

Lara gripped Kaley's shoulders.

"Kaley, go."

"Please wait if you can."

Lara looked at him questioningly.

He nodded.

"I'll stay until you're safe."

Kaley locked eyes with her.

"I'll miss you forever."

She faded and faded until her physical body jolted.

Lara then noticed that the medics were loading her body on a gurney, pumping air through her face mask.

Lara and the man followed it outside. When they got outside, Kaley's husband was sprinting up the sidewalk. "Kaley! Oh my god! Kaley!"

Kaley stirred, her eyelids rippling.

"Sir, you need to follow us to the hospital separately...." Their voices faded as they loaded her into the ambulance.

Kaley's eyes slitted open as she was being wheeled backwards.

She just barely made eye contact with Lara.

A single tear rolled down her cheek but she nodded and her eyes closed again. The ambulance door closed.

"She's going to be okay."

Lara looked up at him quizzically.

"How do you know?

"I would not have appeared if she wasn't."

She gave him a long stare.

"Are you Death?

He snorted. "God, no. That would, as the newer generations say, "suck."

"So....what now?"

Just then, a gently perfumed breeze drifted over them. They looked in the direction it'd come from. The front doorway of the house. There was what looked like a security guard standing there, but none of the officers noticed him.

"Finally," the strange man sighed. He started moving toward the door.

"Wait." She put her arm in front of him.

"What's your name?"

The side of his mouth tipped up.

"Edward."

"Edward. I'm Lara. It's nice to meet you." She held her hand out.

His enormous hand swallowed hers.

"It was nice to meet you, Lara."

"Thank you for helping save my sister."

"It was truly a pleasure. Shall we?" He gestured his elbow to escort her.

She grasped his elbow and they walked up the front steps toward the front door.

Officer Patel was 10 hours into one of the longest shifts he could remember. He's finished at the scene of the jumper when they called for him to escort a child services worker to this scene to take a baby to the hospital. As he was walking up the front steps with her, he saw a flash of light as the door opened by itself. In that instant flash, he could've sworn he saw a man and a woman walking through before everything went dark. Everyone else said it was the wind.