A tide of words

A sharp breeze whooshes in as the door is banged open. Judging by the force it swings by its hinges, I cover my head and brace for it. Eight legs land on my body and start their ceremonial good morning jive. I remove the blanket from my face and immediately face a barrage of woof-woofs. A sloppy wet tongue clears away the sleepiness from my eyes. Before I can shoo the two excited dogs away, they jump off my bed and sprint out of the door.

I drag my anatomy out of bed. I felt like I had been running a marathon. I reach out for water and into my parched and thirsty mouth. It is only when I am halfway do I realize a dead cockroach is swimming it. I subconsciously spit out the water.

 How on earth did that cockroach Kamikaze dive into my water? I see the seal lying face down on the floor. I double over and yell with exasperation. Triggered by a signal, someone calls.

“Please don’t tell me you are still sleeping”.

“I just woke up My troops marched in and woke me up”.

A split screeching sound, “You let those two shoe eaters inside the room?”

“Mimi, you are the one who left the main door open. Very early the morning for whatever it was….”

“Naledi, are you insane?”

I leave the room and pace about, “This early morning? Not really…”

I almost passed by someone. The phone slips out of my hands. Mildred ends the call and arises. I exhale sharply.

“Nene, are you out of your mind? Those shoe eaters know no bounds.”

I flop down on the floor and hide my shaking hands, “You gave me a scare…”

Mildred rolls her eyes, “Dogs stay outside! They ripped my Converse and Nike into shreds. If they were diagnosing it, that would have been lovely. But no, they cannot even explain it.”

I shut my eyes and took a deep breath, “They woke me up when I was just dozing. Then I drank water which had a cockroach in it. Maybe they were more. You know, I want to call in sick…”

Mildred jumps to her feet, “And you would see exactly what I am made of. Let’s get ready. I am not missing this appointment.”

                          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Needless to say, I ended up in a cold shower. At 7am on a July morning. I curse Mildred and clatter my teeth. Amid it, I miss my step and almost drop into a 180 position. I helplessly cry bitter tears.

My emotional melodrama is interrupted by a loud banging on the door. And someone repeatedly is shouting my name.

“Just come in already!” I shout back.

“Just get out already!” she shouts back.

I look at the arms I had furiously scrubbed while locked in my angry showdown. The scars seem to jump at me, red and raw.

I head out and step into a spick and span era, that is a maverick from the smelly battlefield I had woken up in.

 She is singing a happy melody in the kitchen. Fancy aromatic whiffs filter into the air. I sigh; at least one of us is trying.

I think of dumping the colourful dress, Mimi has ironed, for my grey and black jumpsuit. I decide against it, in remembrance of Mildred’s sharp words.

She has already laid out the plates. In spotting me, she comes over and runs an assessing eye over me. She nods her head in approval. And cocks her head towards the chair. I sit myself and sigh, “You are quite the homemaker. Blessed is the family you will raise.”

She just shrugs. She places an omelette with toast as well as a salad I cannot name. She pours black tea and sits down. I say grace and wait for the nausea to show up. Surprisingly, everything within me seems to be respecting Mildred.

Thankfully, we eat in silence. With Mildred’s unwavering gaze, I wolf down everything. After the meal, she rises and clears the table without a word.

I watch her back as she washes the plates. My eyes avoid her shaved head totally.

“Are you not going to do something about that?” I ask.

“What is that?”

I feel instead of seeing my hands shaking, “Y-y-your hair.”

She looks back and smiles at me. She runs a soapy hand over her head then, “Naledi, did you look properly at me? Go on, take another look without fear. Don’t you see a beautiful lady? This looks better than…”

I lower my eyes then. I don’t want her to see tears in my eyes, “I will just go and feed the two troopers out there.”

“Not a chance. Those shoe eaters are all filled up now. Come now. Go grab your stuff and let’s go.”

“I am sorry,” I whisper.

“Say what?”

“I said nothing at all.”

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The taxi drops us before the clinic. While Mildred makes small talk with the taxi driver, I just freeze. I feel like I am standing on top of quicksand….

A hand clasps my shoulder and I scream…

Mildred covers my mouth and covers me in her arms. For something like five minutes, I just stand them, covered and taking deep breaths. She finally releases me and looks into my eyes, “Hey, hey. Chomie, we are all in this together. We talked about this, didn’t we? Come on now gal, wipe away your tears.”

I did not realise I was crying, “Why do I have to pretend I am strong when I am not? I am not strong at all. I feel weak. I feel used. I feel let down. I feel like a betrayer. It is my entire fault, Mimi. It is…”

“We will talk about this alright. For now, let us go inside.”

I shake my head, “I can’t. I can’t replay that day again.”

“Me neither. But hiding away won’t change the sequence of events.”

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After much coaxing, here I am in the doctor’s office. I am quite oblivious to what the doctor is saying to her. Or is it both of us?

I have mastered this art for the past eight months. Shut out the world to what I do not want to hear. Place blinkers and focus on what I want to see specifically. I still do what I must do. Go to school. And be a good student. More like forcing it on me. Over studying and overdoing some things. At least to keep my mind off That Thing…

A hand touch me softly. I shrug off the cobwebs and stare at the one who has touched me.

“Yes?”

“The doctor asked you a question.”

I frown, “She did? I am sorry doctor. Please kindly repeat your question.”

“When was the last day of your period?”

I look at Mildred without shielding my confusion, “My period?”

Again, I feel instead of seeing my hands shake. This time around, I do not hide them, “Mimi, why are we here?”

“We are having a routine checkup Naledi.”

“Oooh.”

The walls come down and shield me again. I can hear there is a conversation but not the actual words. I do not want to hear them at all.

     ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Here, have something to eat.”

I look at Mildred as she offers me a tub of ice cream. I feel my lips twitch into a smile. She smiles back.

“You are insane Nene.”

“What can I possibly do? You brought me something I was probably craving for. Thanks, Mildred.”

She switches on the TV. There is an Emoji movie going on. I feel scales over my eyes. Somehow, the flavour of the ice cream just makes me more oblivion to the environment.

“Your parents tried calling you again Nene.”

Her voice snaps me back into reality, “Thanks. I will call them back. I guess they will be telling me how sorry they are again.”

I spoon off the ice cream before looking at her, “You are just pretending to understand aren’t you? Or being strong for my sake?”

She smiles, “Nene, you are so horrible.”

I feel a brain freeze….

        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Naledi, you are so horrible. Just look at the food you have served.”

“Argh cousin, come on now. I have barely settled down. Besides, I do not have time to improve my cooking expertise. I have assignments and studying to do.”

“Oh come on, are you still reading like that? Geez, who does that at the university level? It is not like there will be a prize-giving day.”

I look at Henri, “Dude, shut up.”

He laughs, “Cousin, I am being serious, okay? Just chill and relax. Now you are living all alone. You can go out, and have fun for once.”

“Uhm it is not like I was shackled with iron legs whilst I was with my parents.”

“Cousin, I know my uncle and aunt. They are no-nonsense people. You cannot just party when they are around.”

I roll my eyes, “Henri, it is not like I love partying. I am an introvert. I don’t see anything wrong with my parents raising me. My elder brother and I just turned out fine.”

Henri grimaces, “You forgot to say, unlike some people.”

“Uh nuh, I am not gonna say that. Cousin Henri you are just fine.”

He rises and stretches himself, “Just fine? Not gorgeous and amazing? Hau Cousin. Take a closer look at me without fear. How about this fine physique? No comment?”

I sit on the settee and laugh, “No comment at all.”

“How about stating one comment? Like the one you give your boyfriend?”

I look at my nails, “Well, I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“At 23, you do not have a boyfriend.”

“At 28 you are not married.”

He scowls and snares; “Now you are hitting me hard. That’s one of my sensitive spots.”

“You are also suffocating me, Henri.”

“Maybe you have high standards.”

I am shocked and feel something rise within me. As if not noticing my condition, he continues, “You cannot even give me a single comment. How bad can you be? Cousin, you are so uptight and so rigid. You need to be flexible.”

I stand up angrily, “I guess all these years you haven’t seen me have an effect on you. I am not that silly thirteen-year-old anymore Henri.”

“Ah, you have a ferocious temper! No one can stand that.”

I fling my hands, “I do not need anyone to complete me.”

“But you will need to settle down with. And you must bring another human being into the world.”

I let out an exasperated cry, “How on earth did this conversation turn this way? You were about to eat my horrible food.”

He grins then, “I lost my appetite. Especially when you refused to comment on how I look.”

I look aside, “You look like an inflated bullfrog. Like a carrot in human shape.”

He collapses on the settee hooting with laughter. He also pulls me down with him. I fidget a lot but cannot unhand myself, “Cousin Henri, let me go. You are hurting me.”

After calming down, he still has not yet let go of my hand. He pulls me next close to me. Henri remains quiet. When I look at him, he is looking intently at me, “Henri, what are you doing? What are you looking at?”

“Shhhh. Cousin keep still.”

I feel something wash over me.

“H-H-Henri...” I whisper with difficulty, “Please let me go. You are scaring me.”

“Cousin, you are so beautiful.”

I feel my tongue stick to the roof of my mouth. Henri closes his eyes dreamily and takes a deep breath, “You smell good too. You smell so delicious.”

I start to fidget. I do not like where this is going. The more I fidget, the more he presses himself closer. Suddenly, the environment around me changes colour as well as the temperature. I feel as if something is pressed against my neck…Henri. His hands are on my throat.

He suddenly flips me over and I hit my head against the floor as I miss the settee. For a moment, I am stunned. My eyes swing and my head pounds briefly. Saliva backtracks in my mouth, and I start choking. I wheeze but never have time to recover as Henri pulls me up. There is a look on his face. He wants to eat me alive!

“Relax Cousin; I am just playing with you. Your elder brother must have missed that lesson.”

I touch something sticky on my forehead and gasp. Henri clicks his tongue and angrily kicks the settee, “Hush, darn it Cousin. Now it looks like I was doing something bad. I told you. You are rigid. I am teaching you to be flexible and flow with the current.”

Tears start trickling down my eyes. I start to backtrack, “No Cousin. I don’t want that.”

I start to calculate my escape route. For now, between me and him was a table. I can possibly outrun him. Possibly. As if reading my mind, Henri reaches out and pulls me back. The more I fight for the use of my hands, the more he gets angry. A resounding clap shatters the heavy breathing.

I see the look of an animal in Henri’s eyes as he faces the intruder. He rises to his feet and stares down at her.

“M-M-Mildred?”

“Oh, so this intruder is Mildred? Get the hell out of here.”

“Make me. How dare you, Henri? Isn’t this your cousin sister? What the hell are you doing?”

“Mind your own business.”

“If your business down there isn’t behaving, have you no better avenues?”

Before I know it, Henri throws a punch at Mildred. To my surprise, she ducks and gives him the elbow. Henri falls back on the settee. When I try to escape, he grabs my blouse. I find the strength to bite his hand. He wails and shoves me. I lose my balance and land on the floor again. I feel dazed. I scream as Henri steps on me, rushing to kick Mildred.

“SHUT UP!” he screams as he veers to kick me. I cower and cover my head waiting for the blow. It doesn’t come. When I open my eyes, Mildred is in the process of tackling Henri. They start rolling on the floor. Henri being the strongest tilts the scale in his favor. I watch as Mildred uses her knees to kick him off. She turns to me, “NENE RUN!!”

I don’t ask where, but I rise to my feet with effort. By that time, Henri had pinned Mimi’s hands and feet to the ground. “You asked for it, witch!” spits Henri as he gives her a head butt. There is a loud grinding sound and Henri staggers back away from Mildred. She is holding a tray…

           ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Someone is snapping fingers before my eyes. I shake my head and focus on who it is.

“Are you zooming out again?”

“I am sorry Mimi.”

“You better be. You are wasting my precious ice cream. Eat it up.”

The Emoji Movie is rolling the credits. Mimi yawns and stretches herself….

         ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

While Henri bellows like a branded calf, Mimi rises and stretches herself. She flips back her weave and snorts, “I warned you!”

Henri blindly attacks her and falls on the table. He remains still for a while. Luckily enough, the glass table doesn’t give in. I look fearfully at Mimi, “C-homie…”

She walks towards me and veers me away from the unconscious Henri. She smiles at me, “What? Has nobody taught you not to open doors to strangers? Specifically, I quote, ‘Those experiencing’ a meltdown below the belt?”

“He is my cousin brother. He-how was I t-to assume…”

The look in her eyes changes from friendly to frightened. Before I can ask what is going on, she veers me again. Within a split second, a sickening crash occurs. Everything comes to a standby. In slow motion, Mimi gasped and shut her eyes. Her grip on my shoulders slackens and she kneels before me. A spray of blood splatters on my blouse. I watch her lie down at my feet in an unnatural way. My eyes lock with those murderous ones of Henri. He is breathing as if he is in labour. He snares and drops the jagged pieces to the ground. I remain transfixed on the spot as he slowly approaches me. I feel my body start shaking. Without warning, my bladder releases its load. The liquid mingles with blood spurting momentarily from Mimi’s head.

He embraces me and strokes my head, “Ah Cousin, where were we? Before we had an interruption?”

My heart starts to beat irrationally, “M-Mimi.”

“Ah yes, sorry about that,” Henri whispers. He suddenly grips my braids and pulls my head back. It feels as if there is a hot coal on my head. All I can do is whimper, “Where were we?” snaps Henri.

“Manners. You…y-y-yo-you were teaching me how to treat you well.”

“That’s it, Cousin. Now, turn around and head to the bathroom. Let’s go clean up this blood. I don’t want it to look like I was doing something. I was just teaching my Cousin. It is only that and nothing else.”

He releases the grip on my hair and grips my hand with an iron fist. I am towed into the passage and pushed forward. As we reach the bathroom, he pushes me ahead and attempts to follow. Without thinking much, I push the door back in his face with force. It hits him in the face when he least expects it. He goes oomph and collapses on the floor. My legs fail to hold my weight. I collapse in a heap on the floor, weeping.

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