My Beautiful Nightmare

“This is my worst nightmare. Or my favorite dream. It all depends on what your definition of beautiful is.”

Calliope was looking directly into her lover’s eyes, and yet she couldn’t decide if he was joking. Azriel had always been the poetic kind, putting words together as if his own soul depended on it. He was a poet, a man to whom the sky had spoken. At least, that’s how he usually explained his talent. Calliope knew better; she had seen him struggle to find a way to say the simplest things for years. It had pushed him toward the edge but Azriel had fought back. He always did.

“I’m prepared to hear it”, Calliope answered.

Azriel smiled. He smiled, and the grass on which they were seated disappeared. He smiled, and even the wind stopped howling. He smiled, and the world froze for a few seconds.

“No you’re not”, he said. “This one  is gonna make you cry and laugh at the same time.”

It was their thing, to sit between the trees to tell each other stories. For a decade, Calliope had listened to Azriel. She had seen the boy grow into a man, his stories getting better and better each day. He was capable of beauty and terror, and so was she. It was their contest. 

“You can try, Hero. I’ll gladly cry for you. Or laugh. But I won’t let you win”, Calliope challenged.

“Who said I haven’t already? You’re here, aren’t you?” 

Calliope had come, day after day, year after year, no matter how good his stories were. Maybe he had won, in a beautiful and terrible way. At first, the bargain was that they would both tell a story and if his was better than hers, she would come back the next day. But she ended up seeing him every day anyways. She had wasted hours of her immortal life to listen to him. To dream at his side.

“Tell your story then. Impress me”, she said.

“As you wish, Goddess”. 

That’s how it always started. With a single word. A word that could crumble empires and raise armies. A word so powerful that even the strongest were afraid to use it. Goddess. That’s what Calliope was. A Goddess. An immortal. She had seen and lived through everything. Everything except Azriel.

“In the beginning, I fell asleep. I dreamed of a world where hearts burned so brightly that even darkness was kept at bay. I dreamed of gentle music dancing between the trees. I dreamed of a place built at the edge of the world. A house surrounded by the most beautiful garden, I’ve ever seen. Of you, Goddess. You and me sitting there, watching the sun setting behind the sea. You had that expression on your face, the one that makes my heart beat so hard in my chest that I’m afraid it might break out of it.”

Calliope let her head fall on his shoulder. Her beautiful poet. Her passing love. Her short-lived passion. 

“We had the prettiest house and children”, he said. “So many children. Running and laughing and playing with your hair. A little boy was in your arm. He had your eyes, Goddess. Beautiful golden eyes. Ones that could be as bright as the sun and as lonely as the first star to wake in the sky. I can’t remember his name but it doesn’t matter. We loved him so dearly. As much as the other. Or maybe more. You never know with love.”

A single golden tear dropped from Calliope’s eye and streamed down her face. Azriel brushed it away with his thumb, a sad smile on his lips. Being in love with a Goddess wasn’t an easy thing. 

“Imagine a life of pure happiness. Just you and me, our family. No immortal life. Just moments worth living forever in pain. Seconds so beautiful they make you cry. Joy burning through your core. Emotions twisting reality to make it even better.”

“I’ve imagined that every day since I met you”, Calliope answered. 

Birds started to sing. Dead leaves were dancing around them as if to hide their love from the rest of the world. 

“But then I woke up like I always do”, Azriel concluded. “I woke and I wanted to find that dream back. This one dream was so beautiful it became a nightmare. My worst nightmare. It’s the thing that makes me want to fall asleep to never wake up. I reach towards it with my entire soul but it’s not enough. It never is. We could have this life. Yet we can’t. It was never for us to take. It will never be ours.” 

Calliope was crying. Golden tears streaking down the bridge of her nose to land on her white tunic. She had never planned on falling in love with Azriel. You never can predict love, even if you’re a God. When it finds you, it’s the worst thing you could ever feel. It’s joy and passion. Fear and sadness. And pain. So much pain. 

“I would have loved to share your mortality, Hero”, Calliope smiled. “I would have adored you, and our children. I would give anything to live even a moment of that life with you. But it’s too late. You have a life of marvels ahead of you. Mortals can fall in love many times”.

“But is it real love each time?”

“That will be for you to discover.”

Calliope slowly disentangled herself from Azriel’s arms. She could still feel his touch on her skin, his love clinging to hers.

“Heroes can only love once,” he said. 

“It’s a good thing you’re a poet, then.” 

It would have been so easy to stay. To keep dreaming of a better life without never being able to reach it. But Calliope needed to get back before sunset. This time, she was not going to come back. It was too hard to love him. Too hard even for her. 

Calliope blew Azriel a kiss before taking back her place as the first star to wake in the sky.