Romance & Reality

Jess stared out the window, watching the rain beat down on the pavement and mindlessly rubbing her bare left ring finger. Another Valentine’s Day, another holiday without the validation of love she craved from her longtime boyfriend, Rick. She sighed and picked up her coffee, now as lukewarm as their relationship. She took a sip anyway and turned away from the window to go about her day. Life as a romance writer wasn’t always as glamorous as it sounded, especially when her heart could use a jolt that caffeine couldn’t provide. 

As she sat down at her computer to pick up where she left off (a particularly steamy scene involving a mysterious stranger and a former countess living off the grid), she couldn’t help but wish Rick would burst into the room and surprise her with something, anything, unable to contain his love for her any longer. A bouquet of roses, a box of chocolates, a goddamn ring, she wasn’t picky. But she could hear the sounds of digital gunfire and brotalk through her office door and knew she was on her own. Eight years together had lulled them into more than a secure relationship; she was bored, sad, and lonely. And yet she stayed. 

Her mind wandered to visions of their early days together: walking hand in hand along the promenade, romantic candlelit dinners at the corner bistro, summers spent seeking the perfect ice cream cone - their story practically wrote itself. Meanwhile, her bestselling stories had stalled along with the passion in her own life. Jess was blocked and until she cracked the code on her personal life, she sensed she was doomed professionally as well. 

Jess closed her eyes and took another sip of now downright cold coffee. She could meander into the kitchen to reheat it or pour herself a fresh cup, but that would mean walking past Rick and his buddies' grunts and war cries. Just the thought made her shudder. It was more than annoying; it infuriated her. Rick had done nothing but reap the benefits of her career, pretending to be her “biggest supporter,” but she knew he couldn’t name a single protagonist or plot line she’d written in the past five years. 

Not only were they not moving forward as a couple, but they seemed to be stuck in the past. 

What Jess craved was a little attention from the man who stole her heart all those years ago. What would it be like if he just woke up one day, ready to love her with renewed gusto? Eyes still closed, listening to the rain mimic her feelings, Jess began to envision a different life…

The rain pounds against the bedroom window, waking Jess from her slumber. Rick feels her begin to stir and wraps an arm around her waist to pull her closer. She smiles as he nuzzles into her neck. This is her favorite time together, when they both smell like sleep and sheets and their body temperatures match up perfectly. This is the life. 

They’ve been together for eight years, eight blissful and passionate years. Every day she wakes up wondering if today is the day they slip into a boring old married couple routine, but hell, they’d have to be married for that. Jess leans back into her big spoon even more as the thought crosses her mind, happy in their decision to forgo the piece of paper that would doom them to boredom for the rest of their lives. This is how they keep the spark alive and she wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Rick kisses the nape of her neck and pulls away to stretch and swipe the sleep from his eyes. “Happy Valentine’s Day, my love,” he whispers, his voice not quite ready for the day. 

Jess beams at him in return, her own voice trapped in her throat until the first cup of coffee. Rick knows this about her after so long together, so he kisses her forehead this time and hops out of bed to go start the kettle. This is their daily routine, but it’s hardly mundane as it’s filled with intention and care for each other. 

Once Jess hears the kettle whistle, she peels herself from their comfy bed and pads into the kitchen to join him. Rick has prepped two steaming mugs of joe and placed a plate of breakfast biscuits on the table in the nook. She notices he’s cut them into hearts for the occasion and shakes her head in wonder. How did she get so lucky? 

They sit together in the bay window, sipping their coffee and nibbling at the biscuits of love. Finally, she finds her voice. 

“Happy Valentine’s Day to you, love of my life. You are a dream come true for a romance writer like me.”

Rick chuckles. 

“I think you have that backward,” he insists. “It’s a dream come true to be in love with a romance writer. The perks are truly endless.” He winks as if she might have missed his sultry meaning.

“Oh, you mean moments like this?” She swipes the plate and single remaining biscuit to the floor, clearing the table and hopping up to sit on it in one swift motion. 

Rick’s eyes widen with pleasure, but not necessarily surprise. 

“Yes, I do believe this is exactly what I was talking about.” 

He stands up, moving between her legs to meet her at eye level before lowering his lips onto hers in a passionate kiss. They’re off to the races, and the next 12 minutes are frantic and frenzied. Their relationship could be eight years or eight minutes long; you would never be able to tell from the power of their connection.

Afterward, they collect their discarded pajamas from the floor and make their way back to the bedroom to get ready for the day. They’re not going anywhere as they both work from home, Jess typing away in her office and Rick on business calls all day in their dining room, but they like to dress appropriately for themselves and each other. Somehow, gray sweatpants just don’t keep that spark alive. 

Showered, shaved, and shiny, they emerge from their bedroom and walk down the hallway together. They stop in front of the office and share a smooch. 

“Have a good day, honey,” Rick says, before continuing on his way to the dining room. 

“You too, babe,” Jess responds with a smile, and enters her cave. 

The sounds of computers clicking and whirring and Rick’s phone ringing provide the co-dependent soundtrack of their day, neither entity leaving their post for so much as a snack or a bathroom break until the clock strikes five. 

Like clockwork, the couple emerges from their respective workspaces bleary-eyed and weary from their day of being productive members of society. Jess makes her way to the dining room just as Rick is wandering down to check on her in the office. They meet in the middle and grin at each other, silly and lovesick at their romantic comedy level of cuteness. 

“Ready for a special date night?” Rick asks.

“You mean more special than every other regular night in with you?” Jess teases. She loves the way he plans regular romantic date nights and never ceases to go over the top for Valentine’s Day.

“Oh yes,” he beams. “Do you really think I was just working all day? Come with me.” He holds out his hand and she takes it, enjoying the way the warmth spreads through her body from her fingertips to her toes. 

This is true love, she thinks. This is bliss. I don’t ever want anything to change between us. 

She stops dead in her tracks when they reach the living room. Not expecting her to stop so suddenly, Rick’s fingers slip from hers and she’s standing all alone in a sea of red and pink.

He has filled the room with mylar balloons, red and white long-stemmed roses, and silver confetti. It’s a sparkling wonderland of Valentine’s Day paraphernalia and she wants to love every ridiculous heart-shaped detail, but her eyes are drawn to the champagne on the coffee table and her very real heart starts beating out of her chest when she realizes what’s perched between the fizzing crystal glasses: a little black velvet box. 

It stands out from the rest of the decor as the only non-pink item in the room. Rick correctly interprets her frozen stature as shock and surprise but misunderstands the emotions she’s feeling below the surface. He is smiling from ear to ear as he gets down on one knee and begins to say something. 

But Jess can’t hear a word. The blood is rushing in her ears and her breath comes fast and short. No no no no no, she thinks. This is going to change everything. No. 

Her palms are sweating as Rick reaches out to take her hand. She’s missed nearly everything he’s said in her sheer panic. Her brain struggles to keep up with the blur of “power couple,” “a love like ours,” and “best friend.” She’s stuck in a loop of NOs. 

He’s smiling up at her from bended knee. Is she smiling back? She doesn’t think so. Why is this happening now, after all these years together? Why is Rick trying to derail what they have perfected?

“So, Jessica Renee Johannson, will you do me the honor of making this official and becoming my wife?”

Before she can stop herself, the answer comes bubbling up and out of her lips, burning them both with ferocity: “NO.”

Poor Rick’s face looks as though he has been slapped. The shock and hurt in his eyes is heartbreaking and the silence that rings through the room is palpable. But he doesn’t let go of her sweaty hand. 

“I… what?” he asks. Perhaps he has misheard her, perhaps this is her way of joking. After eight wonderful years together, how could this be happening?

Jess drops her eyes to the floor to avoid the carnage of their hearts shattering around her. 

“No thank you,” she responds, softer this time. There is no way to soften this blow entirely, but she is willing to try. “I thought we’d talked about this, how marriage was not in the cards for us. We have a good thing going. Why question it? Why tempt fate?”

Rick stands now, realizing this is not a joke, but still holds tightly to her hand, now in desperation more than anything else.

“Well, yes,” he hedges. “But it’s been a while since we talked about it and it becomes clearer by the day that our love is built to last. We are ridiculously compatible in every way - work, play, emotional and physical. How could declaring our undying love for one another in front of our friends and family possibly be a bad thing?”

“Because then we’re husband and wife!” Jess bursts out. “I don’t want to become a ball and chain couple. I don’t want to be trapped forever.” 

Rick drops her hand now. “Trapped?” His voice breaks. He breaks. And she knows she did that to him, so she breaks too. Tears well in his eyes and she chokes down a sob. This is going to go from bad to worse, she can feel it. There’s no coming back from this moment. 

“Rick,” she says, gently. “I love what we have. I love the excitement and pure joy of doing daily life with you. This has been a lovely eight years together. But people change. How can we be sure that ten, fifteen, twenty years down the road we are still in the same mindset and still the same people that want the same things? We can’t guarantee that. Marriage takes away the freedom to walk away whenever, if ever, we need to.”

“Do you need to?” The tears in his eyes have escaped, searing tracks down his cheeks.

“I didn’t think so, but your proposal shows me we are already no longer on the same page about something major. My answer is a firm no and I am watching our hearts fall apart in front of my very eyes.”

Rick puts his face in his hands. His shoulders shake with grief. 

Jess reaches out to comfort him, placing a hand on his shoulder to steady them both. He flinches at her touch, the pain radiating through them simultaneously. An empty silence fills the room, not at all the same peaceful comfortable silence between a couple in love, but a thick, lengthy quiet that snuffs out the last remaining bits of connection. 

“What happens now?” Rick is the first one to break the silence, asking the hard question at hand. 

Jess takes a breath. Here comes the nail in the coffin. Hers or his, she can’t tell.

“I think we both know we can’t come back from this,” she says. “The illusion is shattered. I can’t go on knowing this is what you want, and it’s not fair to keep you from the type of love you deserve.” 

Rick nods. He understands even though it’s cutting him to his core. He woke up this morning prepared to have the best Valentine’s Day of their lives together, past present and future, only to prepare for their demise instead. 

“I need some time to process this,” he admits. “I’m going to go to bed early.” 

The thought of sleeping next to the man whose heart she had just broken fills Jess with inexplicable dread. 

“I’ll sleep in the office tonight and we can work out the details in the morning. I am so sorry, Rick. I am in shock and just deeply sorry.”

“I know,” he responds with genuine kindness. “I know.” 

He reaches for her hand one last time and they squeeze each other tightly. 

As their hands drop, they turn away from each other and drift apart as if in a daze. 

Good night. I love you. The end. 

Jess shook her head, coming out of her imaginative state. Her heart ached for the couple she had just created in her mind and she found herself glad that wasn’t her reality. She was exactly where she’d always wanted to be. 

With a newfound appreciation for her choices in life, she bounded out of her office to refresh her coffee. She dropped a quick kiss on top of Rick’s head as she passed his gaming station on her way to the kitchen. 

She smiled to herself as she waited for the kettle to heat up, no longer wishing he would do these things for her, content to do them herself. She gazed down at her bare fingers, no longer a reminder of what she lacked but a symbol of her freedom to do things differently. 

To her surprise, the sounds of fake war stopped suddenly. Moments later, Rick walked into the kitchen and came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and giving her a squeeze. 

“Thanks for the kiss, babe,” he said. “I was really in the zone and needed to be pulled back to reality.” 

“I know the feeling,” she said back and turned around to give him her full attention. 

They shared their first passionate kiss in months right there in the kitchen while the kettle squealed on the stove, their version of a happily ever after.