In The Same Boat

This cruise was supposed to be a break. A nice thing she was doing for herself to take her mind off everything, to go out and enjoy herself away from all her friends and family walking on eggshells around her. That was the theory, at least. In practice, Margaret was finding that brooding on a nice boat wasn’t that different from brooding in her living room, except that everything was rocking slightly and the air outside was a lot saltier.

Still, she tried. As much as she wanted to just curl up under her blanket in her room, she forced herself to go to the dining room for meals, and to spend some time during the day up on deck. The sea air was nice, and the view of the ocean was beautiful, but even if she tried to focus on looking for dolphins or watching the wake of the boat behind them, she couldn’t stop her mind from wandering. It didn’t help that she was surrounded by couples. It was hard not to imagine what could have been. Even if she knew why it couldn’t be.

Margaret let out a sigh and pressed her forehead against the rail she’d been clinging to as she watched the waves.

“Uh oh. I recognise that sigh.”

Margaret looked up to a see a woman in a very loud hawaiian shirt and crisp white slacks looking at her over the top of a pair of slightly blocky sunglasses halfway down her nose. One her eyebrows was raised and the glance she was throwing Margaret’s way was halfway between skeptical and resigned.

“Let me guess-” she said. “Booked for two, ended up here as one?”

Margaret laughed weakly. “Not exactly,” she said. “But close enough.”

“Well, we’re in the same boat, then.” The woman grinned. “Other than in the literal sense, of course.”

Margaret laughed again, and this time it was a little brighter, a little more full.

“I booked this cruise months ago,” the woman said, resting her arms on the rail next to Margaret and flicking her sunglasses up her nose so that they covered her eyes again. “So I wasn’t about to miss it just because my bastard of a girlfriend decided to cheat on me a week before we left.”

Margaret sucked in a breath a let out a sympathetic noise. God, being cheated on… she felt rotten enough about her breakup without something as dramatic as that splitting them up. She couldn’t imagine how awful it must be to find something like that out right before a trip you’d planned together.

“My boyfriend didn’t cheat on me, at least,” Margaret said. “But…” she sighed and took a deep breath to steel herself. “He wasn’t good for me. He didn’t respect me, he didn’t prioritize me, and I deserve better.”

She’d said it to herself over and over, but the words still felt weird in her mouth. She knew what she was saying was the truth. But… it was so easy to forgive or laugh off the things he did wrong when she thought about all the good times they’d had.

“Sounds like an asshole,” the woman said, and Margaret flinched.

“It… it wasn't like that,” she said.

“Yes it was,” the woman said bluntly. “Or you wouldn’t have dumped him for it.”

“Actually,” Margaret said, her shoulders slumping a little. “It was sort of… a mutual thing…”

“Ahhh,” the woman said. Margaret could already guess what she was probably thinking. It wasn’t the guy’s fault at all, and Margaret was just badmouthing him out of spoiled grapes and nothing more. It was a reasonable thing for her to think. Margaret couldn’t help thinking that way herself, after al-

“So he’s a double asshole,” the woman said.

“What?” Margaret said, blinking in surprise.

“Let me guess how this went down,” she said, turning away from the ocean and sliding her glasses back down her nose. “And stop me if I get something wrong.”

She pointed at Margaret almost accusatorily.

“You’d been talking to your friends, and all of them were saying this guy was a jerk. You agreed with all their evidence, but you still loved him, so you weren’t sure if they were right. So for a few weeks, you’d been trying to convince yourself to have The Talk and maybe break up with him.”

Margaret just stared her in disbelief.

“Then, after you didn’t manage to bring yourself to tell him for a while, he came to you and said you Needed to Talk. And then he started hinting that maybe the two of you weren’t right for each other, and you were a nice girl but maybe not the best girlfriend, and you’d be better off just calling the whole thing off, and you agreed. Right?”

“How did you-” Margaret said.

“Because I’ve dated that guy. Not, like, literally, at least probably not, but I’ve dated that kind of guy. He’s a snake. He realized you got fed up with him and bailed before you could dump him so that you’d doubt yourself and stay on good terms with him in case he wanted to come crying back to you later for a quickie or something.”

“He… he wouldn’t do that,” Margaret said, but there was no conviction in her voice. The woman shook her head. 

“You don’t sound so sure of that,” she said.

Margaret frowned and looked back out at the ocean.

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” the woman said, slapping her on the back in a friendly kind of way. It was weirdly old fashioned. It seemed like something her dad might do when trying to cheer her up. That thought made a smile tug at the edge of her lips, imagining this woman with her dad’s wispy beard and one of stupid fishing hats. “Knowing he’s a jerk just makes it easier to accept him being gone, right?”

“...Not really,” Margaret said.

“...Well, then I’ve got nothing, sorry,” the woman said, sighing as she rested her arms on the railing again. “The only way I’m getting through this breakup is writing the meanest shit I can think of to say about my ex in a diary every night to try to convince myself I’m better off.”

Margaret smiled. “How’s that going?”

“Lousy,” the woman said. “I only got one page, and I ended up throwing it into the ocean because I felt like a jerk for saying half the stuff on it.”

Margaret chuckled.

“Sounds like neither of us are really coping that well, huh,” she said.

“Maybe not,” the woman said.

“My name’s Margaret, by the way.” Funny. They’d already had such a personal talk, and she didn’t even know her name.

The woman glanced over at her and smiled again. “My name’s Evelynn,” she said.

“It’s nice to meet you, Evelynn,” Margaret said.

“You too, Margaret,” Evelynn said.

As the cruise ship made its way across the waves, the sea air rushing past and the sun beating down upon it, for the first time in a while, Margaret found herself feeling a little better.

Evelynn, huh.

What a pretty name.