Mary

War steals homes and lives, but it cannot steal the courage to remember.

I

That August was scorching. There was no sign of rain to cool things down. The air was thick —outside, inside, and in the minds of everyone.

In a light-filled room, two women sat facing each other. The woman in the white coat with gold-rimmed glasses was at her desk, intently reading through some paperwork. The other tried to settle herself on the couch. If not for her disheveled hair and red, frightened eyes, she might have seemed quite pretty.

"Alright," the woman in the white coat finally looked up, her eyes on the girl. "I'm Dr. Kosh, the Medical Director here. What should I call you?"

“Marianna…but it’s better if you just call me Mary.” The girl managed a faint smile.

“Nice to meet you. Here’s a standard question: do you understand where you are?”

“Yes…in a psychiatric hospital,” Mary said, adding more softly, “I was sent here to clarify my diagnosis.”

"OK, let's hear your story. From beginning to end. I want to know how you remember it, not what others might have told you afterwards, but what you experienced yourself."

"I'll give it a go," Mary said, pausing. She needed a moment to collect her thoughts. It wasn't the first time she'd shared her story, but each time was tough. "About a year ago, I started talking to a guy. He served on one of the most dangerous front lines. His name was Max.

"How did you two meet?" Dr. Kosh asked, then added quickly, "I'll ask questions here and there, just to clarify."

“I came across one of his videos on TikTok. I left a comment and he replied. That's how our conversation got started. At first, we chatted via comments on his posts but eventually he sent me a message. He wasn't particularly forthcoming... Normally, I'd be the one to start the conversation… I really liked him, though.”

Dr. Kosh nodded, indicating Mary could continue.

“One day, he said he'd be passing through my city. I was nervous but agreed to meet. That was the first time we met in person. We walked a lot, he told me all these awful stories about the war, and I had no idea what to say. I mostly stayed quiet. When we walked down by the river, he hugged me and said he liked me… that he felt calm and at peace around me… He said a lot of things.” Mary blushed. “It ended with us going back to my place. I understood what he wanted. I’m not a kid…but that’s just not me. I couldn't refuse him.”

A pause followed, which the doctor made no effort to break.

"We spent the night together," Mary said quietly.

"So, you two… slept together?" the doctor asked gently.

"Yes." “Did you want it to happen?”

“Well…yes. I really liked him. Could I get some water, please? Mary's voice started to tremble.

“Of course.”

“The next morning, he left right away. When we went outside, a cab was already waiting for him. He kissed me and said, ‘You have eyes someone could fall in love with’ I…” her voice faltered. It was clear she was struggling to maintain her composure. “I was so overwhelmed.... I didn’t reply. I still wish I'd said something back to him.”

“What happened next?”

“Sorry, I’m not feeling well. It’s probably the heat. I'm feeling a bit dizzy. May I go?” Mary suddenly stood, not waiting for a reply.

“Yes, of course. We can pick up where we left off tomorrow. Don't worry, I'm not here to torture you with memories. I want to help you get your head around everything.”

“Thanks.”

“See you tomorrow, Mary.”

II

When Mary was taken back to her room, she fell onto the bed and buried her face in the pillow. She was all talked out. Her mind was racing with thoughts.

Max…such a handsome guy. Tall, fit, with dark chestnut hair and grey eyes (a real genetic lottery win). Usually, guys like him wouldn't even notice a girl like Mary, who's just your ordinary girl.

His eyes showed sadness, but there was also a spark. Particularly when he looked at the slit of her dress – the one thing she felt she had going for her.

Mary felt a headache coming on, either from the heat or from the flood of memories. And there was plenty to recall. In the end, fate is resourceful, finding ways to pull two unlikely people together, even if just for a brief moment.

She remembered that night so clearly, but it felt like a dream, one of those you have just before you wake up. For her, it wasn't just a one-night stand; she looked back on those memories with a lot of fondness.

That night in her apartment, it felt like time stood still. She had no idea how long they spent on the balcony. They smoked in silence, then shared secrets and slipped back into quiet. They both wanted a deeper connection. For Mary, it was more of a figurative thing, but for Mx it was pretty much literally.

Gradually, they ended up in her bedroom. All night, she lost herself in his gaze, only to find herself again in his embrace. His hugs were warm and comforting, like a blanket on a cool evening. Max gently slid his hand into her hair, his lips brushing her neck as if afraid to break the moment. Finally, their lips met in a tender kiss, and Mary felt an electric current run through her, spreading warmth and leaving a pleasant ache in her lower belly. She had felt this sensation countless times imagining herself with Max, but now it was a thousand times stronger. His hands glided over her shoulders, her back, her thighs — every touch was so sensual it was impossible to put into words. Mary felt like they became one, forgetting about everything else going on around them.

By the time dawn broke, they were lying in each other's arms, fingers intertwined. His heartbeat was steady and calm, and Mary felt like the luckiest woman alive. No words were needed; everything was conveyed through looks, touches and tenderness.

Mary rolled over onto her back. She felt tears welling up in her eyes, and her skin prickled with goosebumps. How could she stop thinking about this? She closed her eyes and saw the shadow of his back against the glow of her Christmas lights again. She felt Max's fingers playing with her hair and his kisses trailing down her body. She remembered how he brought her to climax that night, his grip on her thighs when he was behind her, and the way her lips traced his collarbones when she was on top. She could still smell him – a combination of smoke, cherry gum and cologne. It was all forever etched into her memory.

She smiled, feeling her cheeks flush.

"I'm the only one who can be embarrassed by my own memories," Mary thought before finally falling asleep.

III



As the sun rose, the August heat eased off, and the first rumble of thunder split the sky. Then, out of nowhere, it started raining. It was a welcome change, and the air felt fresh.

Mary was also feeling a bit more relaxed. She woke up that morning feeling ready to pick up where she left off with the doctor. It was time to wrap up this chapter for good.

"Morning, Mary, have a seat," the doctor said, opening the window. "At last, some rain. "How are you feeling today?"

“Hi,” the girl replied with a faint smile. “I think better. My mind feels clearer.”

"I'm pleased to hear that." Dr. Kosh sat back in her chair and looked over her notes. Yesterday, you mentioned your first meeting with Max. What happened after that night?

Mary hesitated for a moment, then took a deep breath and began speaking.

“A week later, our relationship changed. We started chatting more and more, and we were always on FaceTime. Before that, we'd only messaged each other, and I was usually the one to reach out. "But after we met, he was a lot more open."

The doctor nodded and observed.

“You said he'd explained his quietness was down to his service.”

Mary thought for a moment but stayed silent, so the doctor continued.

“You said yesterday that was your first meeting. Did you meet again?”

“Yes,” Mary replied, choosing her words carefully. “He'd sometimes come to see me for a couple of days. We barely left the bedroom…we spent all our time together.” She paused, breathing calmly to hide her emotions. “But it was more than just physical closeness. It was a connection… something I'd never felt before. Now it all seems so distant and almost unreal.”

The doctor watched Mary intently, noticing every move.

“How did you feel during that time?”

“I was happy…really happy. I felt like I’d found something I’d lost a long time ago. Every day began and ended with his voice. I felt his presence, even through the screen. I had never felt so loved and desired as I did with him.”

Mary’s voice began to tremble, and tears filled her eyes.

“His words…they were so tender and familiar. He missed me. We shared everything — our fears, desires, fantasies, dreams. It was as if we’d known each other for a thousand years.”

Tears streamed down her cheeks, but she kept speaking.

“...I don’t want to forget it.” Mary suddenly fell silent, pressing her hands to her face to hide her tears. After a long pause, she finally looked up at the doctor, her voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t want him to disappear from my mind.”

“Mary, it was real for you. It was your reality. Tell me, do you understand when Max was actually with you and when it was just your mind creating those moments?"

“I know,” Her hands shaked as she traced her fingers along her wrist, trying to steady herself. “I counted the moles on his back… Every time, there was a different number.”

A heavy silence filled the room. Finally, it was the doctor who broke it.

"When… when did he die?"

Mary winced, her face contorting in pain as though she was finally processing the truth.

“He died a week after our first and…and only meeting,” her voice faded, choked by tears. “Am I insane?”

“I don’t think so.” Dr. Kosh moved closer, gently taking Mary’s hand in hers. "Your mind created those moments with Max to help you cope with the loss. It was your brain's way of helping you get through it.”

For several moments, Mary took deep, steady breaths, trying to calm herself. Then the doctor spoke again, her voice soft.

"Are you ready to get back to reality?"

The girl slowly looked up. Her eyes were filled with overwhelming sadness.

“Yes,” she whispered. “I’m ready.”