REMEMBERING BELLA

I stare at this picture constantly. Day after day. Night after night trying to remember who the girl in the picture is. I'm the girl in the blue dress or so I'm told. The girl in the red dress I don't recognize. I don't remember this picture at all. I don't remember taking this picture.

Memories are a dime a dozen. One in a million. More precious than gold. Everyone in the world remembers who they are, their families and their friends. They remember their childhood. All those memories are right there in their heads.

My memories come in flashes or none at all. I don't remember anything without help from two strangers. They call themselves my parents but I don't know who they are.

I looked at countless of pictures of strangers and a lot of the pictures of me and this girl I don't remember. I don't even recognize myself.

I don't even know how old I am or what year it is. I can't remember when my birthday is. My life is nonexistent. I fall asleep at night and dream of a past I don't remember.

I wake-up the next morning and stare at the picture of two happy little girls. That's all I do. The whole day I stare at pictures. My head hurts every time I try to remember. Tears come down my face when I can't remember.

Anna, that's what I'm called but I just don't know. I look at myself in the mirror and what do I see. A total stranger. A scar that goes down the side of my head.

I ask Sara and Eddie, my parents about my scar. They tell me nothing. Why won't they tell me? I hear Sara crying at night and Eddie comforting her. I feel sorry for them because they lost a daughter.

Late at night when Sara and Eddie are sleeping, I walk around the house trying to remember something anything about me or the girl in the red dress.

I find more pictures of a younger version of me and the girl. I find it odd that there are no pictures of an older me. My late night walks around the house yield no results. I still can't remember.

I walk back to my room or so I'm told, hop into bed and close my eyes. I'm dreaming again about two little girls sitting in a car smiling, laughing, singing, telling jokes then bang.

I wake-up in a daze. My heart is racing. My head is hurting. The pain feels like a hammer banging on my head. The pain is too much,

Tears are falling down my face. I can't control it. Everything around me is crashing down. The pain is insurmountable that I pass out.

I wake-up the next morning with a dull throb. Oh My God! that was an intense dream. I dreamed of two little girls. One of the girls is me. I remember from the picture. The other girl is still a mystery.

I've been stuck in this strange home for a long time. Sara and Eddie won't let me go outside. I don't know why. But I can't continue to be locked up and be expected to remember.

The world is passing me by. I need to remember. I need to remember who I am and the girl in the picture. I can't remember if I'm stuck in this house.

I take a shower and get dress. I put my hoodie on so I can hide my scar. I quietly open the bed room door and quietly walk down the stairs. I hear Sara and Eddie talking in the living room. Now is my chance.

I open the door and walk out into the beautiful sunny day. My first taste of sunshine in a long time. I take a deep breath in and a long breath out. It feels good. Maybe being out in the world will help me remember.

I begin walking looking at all the homes and people hoping something or someone will trigger my memory. The homes are beautiful but my mind is coming up blank.

I stop at the corner unsure of where to go. I look back and forth. Where do I go? I close my eyes and turn to the left. I begin to walk.

Why does this route seem familiar? I think a memory is coming back to me. I feel like I walked this route before. I stop at the light and cross the street.

I'm coming up to a building. LakeSide School. I stop and stare at the building. I've been here before. That was a long time ago. I find a bench and sit down.

The doors to the school are opening. I see the kids running out to play. I close my eyes. I see me and the girl I don't remember playing in that very same playground.

I remember being at the playground as a little girl. I remember playing at the playground with the girl I don't remember. I remember nothing else.

I smile at the kids. So innocent and carefree. I wish I was like them. I wish I didn't have an empty space in my head. I walk away from the school.

I go back the way I came. I follow signs leading to town. This seems familiar. I can't place my finger on it. I look at all the stores but one store in particular catches my eye.

LakeSide Ice cream shop. I've been here before. I stare at the store. Little bits of my memory are coming back. Me and the girl I don't remember sitting in the ice cream shop eating Ince cream.

I'm eating chocolate chip and the girl eating strawberry. We are sitting in a corner booth. That's where we always sit. I can't believe I remember that.

I continue walking taking everything in, looking at all the faces trying to see if I remember anyone. I do not. I only seem to remember places and not people.

Places are easy to remember. People are not. I pass the town limit and come across a memorial. I stare at the memorial. There are candles, teddy bears and cards. Some are old and some are new.

I bend down, pick up a teddy bear, then I pick up one of the cards. The card reads "We love you Ashford twins. We are thinking of you always. Get better soon." Ashford twins?

I grab a picture that was placed on the pole. It's of two little girls. One of them is me. I'm a twin. I never put two and two together.

"It's horrible what happened here." I turn to the women standing next to me. "What happened here?" I ask. "Seven years ago, a horrible accident occurred on this very spot involving a family of four. The Ashford family. Eddie, Sara and their twin daughters Anna and Bella."

"A drunk driver violently hit their car. Both girls were ejected from the car. Anna and Bella were severely injured, severe head trauma. The girls were in a coma for seven years. Anna woke-up last year. Bella is still in a coma. Sadly Anna doesn't remember her life or anyone around her."

I watch as the lady leaves flowers at the memorial then she leaves. I sit down, close my eyes. I see myself and the girl, Bella sitting in the car and then a loud bang. That's the last thing I remember.

I'm a twin. Bella the girl I've been staring at is my twin. I cry for Bella, for me, for everything I lost. The tears continue to flow down my face until the sun goes down. One day I will remember. I take out the picture of me and Bella. One day I will remember you.