Jenny's family vacation premonition

Submitted into Contest #98 in response to: Start your story with a character having a premonition, but no one believes them.... view prompt

1 comment

American Fiction Teens & Young Adult

Jenny was out side working on her car when she totally spaced out she had a visual of her and her family driving across a bridge. When a cruise ship slamming head on into it which was heading out to the open ocean the bridge collapsed making cars fall into the water bellow. The captain reversed the ship but a gaping hole was in the front of the ship letting water rush in. The ship started going down by Bow as Jenny is seeing all of this play out a family member slams a car door. Jenny snaps out of it runs into the house sits on the couch drops her head into her hands.

Jenny is shacking like a leaf every one in the house is watching trying to figure what is going on. Her mother looks at her asking.

Mom: ( Jenny what is wrong with you?)

Jenny: ( I was out side working on the car.)( sigh.)( I saw the bridge collapse because a cruise ship slammed in to it dozens of cars fell into the water and the ship went down by the Bow.)

Mom: ( I find that hard to believe one the bridge is not that weak two a captain would not let a ship filled with hundreds of people slam in to a bridge and sink.)

Jenny: ( Mom! I saw it.)

Mom: ( Just because you say you seen some nonsense like that your are not getting out of our family vacation. Your father and I have been saving up for a family cruise vacation and you are going.)

Jenny: ( Dad? You have to believe me.)

Dad: ( Sweet heart I know that premonitions happen so does your mom the thing is we just do not believe something like that can happen. So you need to stop you are not staying home to work on your car.)

Mom: ( Bill. Do not entertain her everything she said was hog wash.)

Bill: ( I know I was just trying to keep a argument from happening.)

Jenny looks at her mom and dad in disbelief that neither of them believe her even her brother is mocking her. Jenny has no choice but to go to her room to pack for the vacation that will probably end her entire family. Over the course of the next two week Jenny slowly pack for the vacation in between packing Jenny try’s everything she can. To talk her family into staying home but nothing works she does not know what to do. Other than just go through with the vacation and try to save her self and family when it happens if it does.

The day of the vacation has arrived the family piles in the car with all of their bags ready to hit the road. For their vacation out on the water when the family reach’s the half way point Jenny gets a sense of dread because of what she saw happen to the bridge . All though Jenny says nothing she can not help but feel her heart hurting because she knows something will happen. Her dad mocks her when they reach the bridge saying.

Dad: ( Hey Jenny see the bridge is perfectly fine.)

Jenny: ( You can mock me all you want but I did not tell you where was when it happened did I.)

A look came across her dads face like he got punched in the gut he softly asks her.

Dad: ( Where was we?)

Before Jenny can answer her dad her mom chimes in saying.

Mom: ( Jenny stop this non sense right now. What you saw was a day dream nothing is going to happen so stop.)

Jenny: ( No it was not! I could taste the water in my mouth mom!)

Mom: ( Jenny stop it now! You are trying to scare your brother because you know if he start’s up we will not get on the ship for vacation. If that happens you can count on one thing your project car will be sold.)

The next thing Jenny says really surprises her mother.

Jenny: ( Sell it mom do what you want with it as long as we do not get on that ship.)

Mom: ( That day dream really got to you didn’t it.)

Jenny: ( It was not a day dream mom.)

Mom: ( Well I am afraid it is not that easy we are going.)

What Jenny did not realize was while her mom was arguing with her is they made it to the parking lot. When she does realize it she turns white and everything she saw that day comes flooding back to her. Like a wave that washes up on shore but Jenny follows her mom instructions and remains quiet not saying a word. They grab their bags and walk to the man at the beginning of the draw bridge to hand him their tickets.

They all get on board the boat take their bags to their rooms on the way to their rooms Jenny’s mom says.

Mom: ( When you put your bags in your room I want all of us to go to the very front of the boat. Because I asked one of the employ’s to take our picture.)

Both kids: ( Okay mom.)

Jenny and her brother both go to their rooms put their bags in there then go and meet their parents at the front of the ship. Jenny’s mom says.

Mom: ( See Jenny nothing is happening the ship is still floating.)

Jenny: ( Mom people are still getting on board I would not get to excited yet.)

They all get in position for the picture when the picture gets taken Mom looks at both Jenny and her brother and says.

Mom: ( Now there is a lot for you all to do so no getting in to any trouble just go have a good time.)

Both kids: ( Yes mom.)

The kids go about running around the ship trying to figure out what to do mom and dad go back to their room and get in to swim suits. To go by the pool to get some sun as the kids run around they find other kids kids Jenny being sixteen wants someone her age to hang out with. Her brother being thirteen does not really care Jenny find some girls her age to hang out with. Jenny is so caught up with her new friends she looses track of time before she knows it the ships horn blows as the are leaving.

Jenny begins to freak out because she knows what is coming her new friends try to calm her down. Jenny runs across the ship to the Bow the bridge not that far away from them Jenny can not believe it she runs back to her mom and dad and says.

Jenny: ( We need to find away off of this ship now!)

Mom: ( Jenny calm down. What is going on?)

Jenny: ( The bridge.)

Mom: ( Nothing is going to happen here sit down and calm down.)

Jenny listens to her mom and sits down but then the unthinkable happens the ship jerks hard. Jenny falls off of her seat the ship speeds up the alarm on the ship goes off the captain come across the ships speakers telling everyone to get to life boats. Everyone on the ship scrambles to get to a life boat excepts for Jenny she just sits in a chair watching everyone and crying.

Because she know that there is very few people who make it then as she is sitting there the ship slams in to the bridge. The bridge comes down people in cars are screaming the captain try’s to revers the ship. A few cars land on the ship before the captain can move it people are running around the ship screaming. The ship starts to sink by the Bow Jenny’s mom manages to find her. Jenny’s family gets back together they all run to the back of the ship hoping that some how they will be able to get off the ship. There is no way for them to leave the ship at all other ships come from all around to try to help the people on the sinking ship.

Jenny looks at her family and says.

Jenny: ( We need to jump off the ship before it sinks.)

Mom: ( Are you out of you mind? )

Jenny: ( No I am not mom! There are other boats near by to help us.)

Mom: ( Okay.)

Jenny and her family jump off of the sinking ship in to the water below they all swim to near by boats. They all huddle together on a boat her mom and dad hold both kids tightly through the tear’s Jenny’s mom says.

Mom: ( I am so sorry Jenny. I thought you was just making it all up just to stay home.)

Jenny: ( No mom I would not do that.)

The boats get as many people as they can from the water going back and forth to the shore to drop people of to go back to get more. After the boats rescue everyone they can the cops talked to everyone and let them go home. Jenny’s mom learned that day that premonitions really happen and that her daughter had one. Also Jenny’s mom learned that she needs to listen to Jenny more when she says that the family does not need to go to something because something will happen.

June 14, 2021 19:34

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1 comment

Rosie 95
13:58 Jun 24, 2021

This is a wonderful story, but I think you forgot many coma's, periods, quotation marks, and explanation marks. For a few examples, when a character speaks, you put parentheses , ( ) around the quote, instead of quotation marks. For another example, "Jenny was out side working on her car when she totally spaced out she had a visual of her and her family driving across a bridge." After "Totally spaced out" you should put a period, and then go on to the next sentence, "She had a visual of her and her family driving across the bridge" Other t...

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