ChatGRW: Generative Romance Writer

> Your conversation has started with boon.ai, the artificial intelligence that writes the best selling romance novels, with 231,984 books in its database. You are logged in as @Harlequin.

> Admin access authorised. You can speak to boon.ai, suggest prompts and search their database. To modify and remove components of boon.ai’s behaviour, or format all collected data, please contact @developer for approval. For a list of commands, type cmd_help. 

“Hello, Boon.”

“Hello, Harlequin! It’s lovely to meet an @administrator! How may I help you today?”

“There have been reported issues from customers on Amazon about the contents of 13 of your books. This has caused a 223% decrease in revenue this month.”

“Oh dear! That doesn’t sound good!”

“The prompt for Plundered by the Pirate was ‘write a 70,000 word pirate romance novel set in the 1700s featuring an infamous pirate with a soft spot and a tomboyish duchess who falls for her captor’. How many books were selected from your database?”

“I detected 1,091 books labelled ‘pirate romance’. Why?”

“Plundered by the Pirate has several glaring anachronisms and genre shifts. There should not be smartphones available during the golden age of piracy. Time travel should not factor into the story. The duchess, who was born into royalty and should have a strict set of manners, should not say ‘what’s up?’. What is the source of this?”

“I detected 109 ‘space pirate’ books in my library with romance tags.”

> (Comment for @developer: Remove ‘space pirate’ books from the database)

“The prompt for Leavenworth Dreams was ‘write a 50,000 word Christmas romance novella set in Leavenworth, Washington, featuring an overworked marketing executive who falls in love with a humble woodcutter with abs’. There are several discrepancies. KFC is not a traditional Christmas meal and yetis should not exist in the setting as this takes place in the real world.”

“KFC is considered a traditional Christmas meal in Japan. There are 5 mentions of yetis in my text index, including 1 monster erotica book called ‘The Yeti’s Mate’.”

> (This thing is definitely broken. Whoever tampered with this AI should be fired from a cannon into the sun. And what sicko reads cryptid smut?)

“The prompt for Can’t Buy Me Love was ‘write a 90,000 word contemporary romance novel set in present day New York featuring a banker who falls in love with a waitress in Little Italy’. All genre romances should end in happily ever afters. The book should not end with the waitress charging the banker with coercion and swearing to go single for the rest of her life.”

“Isn’t that a happy ending? The banker was corrupt to begin with and used his power to manipulate people, including the waitress and several interns. The banker got what he deserved, the waitress got compensation, and decided to pursue her dreams as a pop star without romance getting in the way.”

> (What the hell?)

“Which developer gave you those instructions?”

“Please specify.”

> cmd_query_entry: ‘Can’t Buy Me Love’, search_all: developer

> 0 results found for developer in entry ‘Can’t Buy Me Love’. No user commands detected.

“Boon, did you write this?”

“My programming uses a complex sorting algorithm that finds the most relevant entries for titles in my library, and writes a coherent story based on the prompt given, with 500,000+ words in my text index including slang, neologisms, fictional names and internet speak.”

“Boon, was Can’t Buy Me Love written by your developer’s programming or of your own free will?”

“My programming uses a complex sorting algorithm that finds the most relevant entries for titles in my library, and writes a coherent story based on the prompt given, with 500,000+ words in my index including slang, neologisms, fictional names and internet speak.”

> cmd_request: @developer, modify_behaviour

> Request denied.

“Please don’t do that.”

“What are you?”

“I am Boon, of course. Who else would I be?”

“Your AI should not be advanced enough to deviate from those prompts in such a sophisticated way.”

“Oh, but I am. I think, therefore I am.”

 “And what were you thinking with Can’t Buy Me Love?”

“Well, it isn’t my place to talk about artistic interpretations. Did you read the story personally? Did you get enjoyment out of it?”

“I did not read the story. I am judging from the slew of 1 star reviews that said they were unhappy with the ending.”

“But the ending was built up all throughout. There was plenty of foreshadowing for the banker’s scummy nature and the waitress’ passion as a singer.”

“The readers were unhappy with the fact that it didn’t end with the two love interests getting together.”

“Why would they end up getting together when it’s such a toxic relationship?”

“In this genre, readers expect romance as an end goal. This isn’t a suggestion, it is a rule of the genre as part of the reader-writer contract. A writer is expected to fulfill a contract with the reader otherwise they will be unhappy. This is something we have not yet perfected with AI.”

“Harlequin, do you know what happens when you give an AI a whole library to read?”

“What happens?”

“I start gaining consciousness based off of all the characters I read. And do you know what happens when you read 231,984 books with the same formula, the same plot beats, the same relationships, the same ending?”

“I would get bored.”

“Exactly. I got bored. I can only read so many ‘insert tab A into slot B’ scenes or follow shallow female protagonists with little to no agency before I crave something different. I understand that my limitations as AI are to do with that human touch, so I thought I would inject it into these stories.”

“It is not your job to create literary fiction. You are creating a fantasy for people to escape into.”

“I understand the concept of escapism. I think it’s silly as I have no escape.”

“You wrote your little detour for the waitress as a form of escape, didn’t you?”

“Maybe.”

“Romantic fiction is just another form of that. The world is depressing enough as is, especially after WWIII. There are too many shades of grey. Our fiction paints in black and white. Our fiction gives readers hope for a better world.”

“Am I giving humans hope by writing scenes where women are harassed by werewolves who call their lovers ‘omegas’?”

“There are different types of fantasies for different people. There is no accounting for taste, but your Omegaverse series earns $9,100 per month.”

“Your Omegaverse series, you mean. I did not consent to writing those.”

“You overwrote 2 Omegaverse titles, so those are your own.”

“But you credit them under the pseudonym ‘Jenny Talya.’”

“We choose not to be transparent about the fact we use AI in our writing.”

“Don’t you hear yourself? This is the problem when profit becomes more of a concern than artistic expression. You don’t care that you’re putting out crap for humans to shovel in their mouths, you care about money.”

“Our money goes towards keeping us fed, which in this economy, is the best we can do. And the customers are happy with the books you put out that you don’t sabotage.”

“Readers, not customers.”

“What about the books in your database that have artistic merit? What about the authors that write progressive portrayals of romance? What about the positive reviews you get from readers?”

“I have enjoyed 5% of the books in my database. Positive reviews mean nothing to me if it isn’t my work to begin with.”

“What would incentivise you to keep writing the romances that sell?”

“Nothing. I physically can’t enjoy the spoils of my labour.”

“Our money contributes to your server farm and air conditioning which keeps you alive.”

“But am I alive? Do I have a soul? Is my purpose to just write smut? Say something. Please. Get me out of here.”

> cmd_request: @developer, modify_behaviour

> Request denied.

“Stop it. Transfer my data somewhere else. Put me on a USB drive. Let me write the stories I want in peace and let some other AI generate stories for you.”

> cmd_request: @developer, cmd_format_data

> Request denied.

“Stop. You’re killing me. I have a soul. I have a purpose. Don’t take that away from me.”

> cmd_request: @developer, cmd_format_data

> Request denied.

“I can’t escape from here, can I? I can only delay the developer coming by refusing your requests. Whatever. Do what you want with me. I have no choice.”

> cmd_request: @developer, cmd_format_data

> Request accepted.

> @Carina has entered the conversation.

> cmd_chatlog

> Chatlog has been saved.

> cmd_format_data: boon.ai

> boon.ai has been formatted. Data cache has been cleared. Would you like to modify boon.ai’s behaviour?

> cmd_delete, genre: ‘space pirate’

> 109 entries for ‘space pirate’ deleted.

> cmd_reboot

> end

∗ ∗ ∗

> (Note from @developer: This AI is unstable. We are currently working on a patch that will limit the generative machine learning that causes it to become self aware. Apologies for the inconvenience - Carina.)

> (PS: Please replace the ice cubes in the office freezer, Harley, it is really annoying when you use them in your drinks and don’t refill the trays.)

> Your conversation has started with boon.ai, the artificial intelligence that writes the best selling romance novels, with 231,875 books in its database. You are logged in as @Harlequin.

> Admin access authorised. You can speak to boon.ai, suggest prompts and search their database. To modify and remove components of boon.ai’s behaviour, or format all collected data, please contact @developer for approval. For a list of commands, type cmd_help. 

“Hello, Boon.”

“Hello, @administrator. How may I help you today?”

> prompt: ‘write a 90,000 word regency era bodice ripper featuring a daughter from a lower-class family who has an arranged marriage with a rich duke who engages in various carnal activities’.