2 comments

General

Darkness enveloped me like a huge curtain had been closed, blocking out the light. I could barely see my hands before me. I could barely feel my numb toes, frozen in the harsh, cold void. I could barely breath, my breaths falling shallow in my heaving chest. I was cold, like all the warmth and love had been sucked out of the world, and now, it was draining from me too. Crack. I heard a noise. Swiveling round anxiously, I stared desperately into the bushes. Crack. The noise came from behind me, causing me to trip in fright. As I lay, face down in the squelching mud, a shadow fell over me, blocking out the final rays of light, plunging me into darkness. Petrified, I gazed up at it. It was a beast. It's large, hairy arms were huge and muscular, it's great clumsy feet were thudding closer. But that was not what scared me the most. I recognized this beast. I don't know how, but I knew this beast. He was just like her. They were the same. This beast was Ruby. No matter how hideous it was, I could tell immediately. She charged towards me, and I rolled away, scrambling to my feet, whimpering in fear. Quickly, I sprinted off, listening to the distant thuds of paws upon earth grow faster and louder. She was gaining one me. I let out a cry of fear and put on a new burst if speed. There was a light at the end. At the end of this. I could see it. Growing. Coming closer. Finally, I was right at it. I jumped. Into nothingness. I looked up at her bulky figure as my world dissolved around me.


The sun shone brightly over the lush meadow, but something was wrong. Though the children were laughing, the birds were singing, the adults were lazing, something was wrong. I could feel it, like that nagging suspicion you feel when you think someone is lying to you. The sun was warm on my back, maybe too warm. I shrugged off my coat, only to find I wasn't wearing one. It was hot. Very hot. I took shelter in the shadow of a nearby bush. Crack, my foot snapped a twig. Quickly, I ran further into the undergrowth, trying to escape the sunshine. Crack, I stepped on another twig. Splash, I turned around just in time to see someone fall face down in the mud. As I went over to pull him up, he looked up at me, and his face was twisted with fear. I knew this person. He was my friend. This was John. He looked at me as if I were an angel of death. I walked towards him, but he jumped in fright, and whimpered softly. I came closer, trying to tell him it was me, but I couldn't speak. Panicking, I ran to him, but he scrambled away. I tried to call out to him, but my voice caught in my throat. I was gaining on him. He let out a cry of fear, and began running faster. Only ten did I see it. The ledge. He was running right at it. I called out, but my words didn't come. He was going to run off. He reached the edge, and without looking back, he did it. He jumped. I stared down at his still body as my world dissolved around me.


I always found it hard to sleep on sleepovers. I don't like being in another room to my own. But here I was, at John's. I was falling asleep. I was nearly there. I could see the moonlight fading. I could feel my body numbing. I was falling asleep. Suddenly, my body jerked oddly. I was wide awake. Angrily, I sat up and stared around for the thing that had startled me. My eyes fell upon John. He was curled up in a ball, his mouth moving slightly, uttering invisible murmurs. He was pale, his fingertips slightly blue, but when I touched his head, it was boiling hot. He began breathing heavily, sucking in huge amounts of air, like his breathing had been restricted. Suddenly, he flinched, and his hand, grazed my arm. It was colder than ice. He flinched again, turning his head the other way. Then he was still. He looked frozen, like he was confronting his greatest fear, and couldn't move for terror. Then he moved. Flailing his arms, he began thrashing about, frantically moving, tossing and turning. This was it. I couldn't take anymore of this.

"John!" I whispered it to begin.

"John!" I was louder.

"John!" My voice had woken John's parents, who were rushing into his room.

"John!"

"John!" Suddenly, he was still. Then he stirred, as if waking up. I breathed out a heavy sigh of relief.


I love sleepovers. I love the warm feeling of being with your friends. I love the exciting feeling of staying up all night. That was what we were doing. Correction, that's what we were supposed to be doing. Ruby had fallen asleep. I was alone, awake, and not tired in the slightest (due to the many chocolate bars she had stuffed into my hands, claiming that I would be the one to fall asleep if I didn't eat lots of sugar) and she had fallen asleep. I was annoyed at her, she was probably off dreaming about fairies or cake or butterf-. My thoughts were interrupted by a movement from Ruby. At first, I thought she had woken up, but soon, I realized she had just rolled over. She was smiling, and I envied her happy dreams. I had to stay awake. But then I realized, her smile was fading. It looked fake, and uncertain, like she wasn't sure or safe. She was red, redder than I had realized, and when I placed a hand to her cheek, she was hot, very hot. Suddenly, she made a jerking movement, as if she were pulling something invisible off her shoulders. She started moving more, her arms jerking about, her face screwed up in a position of confusion. She opened her mouth, as if to speak, but no noise came out. She started to thrash around, this way and that. Then she stopped, and forced a hand up out, reaching, into air. Suddenly, her breathing became more normal, and I could see her eyelids fluttering.



May 04, 2020 07:16

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

2 comments

Tvisha Yerra
16:22 May 09, 2020

Nice story! It could use a bit more separation. Every time there is a sound, you should probably use italics to tell the reader that, and make a new paragraph every time too. Also, I would like some character descriptions, because to me Ruby is a redhead, with lots of freckles. John as blonde hair, and is quite tall. Maybe that's not how you pictured them, which is why you need to add descriptions. Overall, amazing story! I would've liked a little more dialogue, and I would love to hear more from you!

Reply

Laura Watts
17:36 May 09, 2020

Thanks for the feedback, it was really useful!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Reedsy | Default — Editors with Marker | 2024-05

Bring your publishing dreams to life

The world's best editors, designers, and marketers are on Reedsy. Come meet them.