Why Cats Have Nine Lives

The abrupt knock on the door startled Kendall. It wasn’t an unusually aggressive knock, just unexpected. ‘Who could that be… at this time of day? I hope it’s not…,’ she thought to herself. A hint of panic rose in her as she quietly crept to the window and surreptitiously peeked through an ever-so-slight crack in the curtains.

The piercing sliver of light focused into perceptible images and revealed her innocent next-door neighbor, Avis, waiting patiently at the door. Avis was a kind, elderly woman who normally kept to herself. She was one of those reclusive ‘cat ladies’ who, in an effort to overcome feelings of being a widowed ‘empty-nester’, took in stray cats from all over the neighborhood. It was rare to see her outside. It was even rarer to see her here—maybe only once that Kendall could remember, when she and her husband Geoff had first moved into the neighborhood. Avis had come over with a few other friendly neighbors to introduce themselves and welcome the newlyweds to the area.

“Kendall, are you home? Hello?” a weak, muffled voice called out.

Kendall backed away from the window and yelled toward the door, “Who is it?” acting as though she didn’t already know.

“It’s your neighbor… Avis,” the voice responded after a momentary hesitation.

“Just a minute. I’ll be right there,” Kendall announced politely.

When she opened the door, she was surprised to see not only Avis standing there holding a briefcase against her chest, but also six cats crowded around her feet, brushing against her legs and meowing softly. None of the visitors seemed at all surprised to see Kendall though; not even a jump when the screen door swung out toward them.

“Hi, Avis. Is everything alright? Is there something I can help you with?”

“Oh, everything is wonderful, dear. Actually, I was hoping I could help you with something.”

“O…kay…? What’s that?” a very puzzled Kendall inquired, motioning for her guest to have a seat on the porch swing. Then, almost as an afterthought, she offered, “Can I get you something to drink? Tea? Coffee? Water?”

“No, I’m fine. Thank you. I do live right next door, you know?” Avis semi-jested. “I came over because I just discovered something amazing, and wanted to tell you about it.”

“Oh, really? What did you find?”

“Eternal Life!” Avis promptly replied.

Kendall subtly rolled her eyes and tried to hide a smirk. She nodded her head, suspicious of what was to follow.

“I know what you’re thinking, Dearie. I thought the same thing when I first heard about it. But, it’s not that,” she paused for a moment, thinking of the best way to present her argument. “I don’t know much about technology, but it has something to do with putting the information from our brains into a computer, and later putting that information into a new body… like a robot.”

“Are you talking about ‘transhumanism’? How did you learn about that? I thought you were always cooped up in your house with your cats.”

“Well, you might think this is strange, but they were what led me to this marvelous discovery.”

“Okay… I gotta hear this,” Kendall chuckled and turned to face Avis directly.

“This morning, my doorbell rang. Nothing strange there. I hardly ever answer my door though, unless I know someone’s coming. I usually just ignore it and wait for whoever it is to go away. But today, all five of my kitties went to the door as soon as the bell rang. Almost as if they were beckoning me to answer it. At that point, I felt compelled to see who it was.”

Kendall didn’t think it proper to correct the elderly woman’s obvious counting error, but the direction of the conversation was nothing like what she had originally predicted, so she urged Avis to continue.

“When I opened the door, there was a sharply-dressed man holding this briefcase,” Avis finally indicated what she had been clinging to by reverently setting it down next to her. “He was standing there with a fake smile plastered on his face. I knew immediately that ‘he’ was a salesbot, and I was about to slam the door in its smug face when it said something quite captivating.”

“Go on,” Kendall coaxed.

“It asked, ‘Would you give up your life to spend eternity with your loved ones?’ That idea struck a nerve with me, so I invited the bot inside to give the rest of its spiel.”

“And, what did… it… have to say?”

“It handed me a pamphlet that read, ‘Join Our Millions of Satisfied Customers’. Then, it opened the briefcase and showed me an odd contraption with wires all over it. After explaining a bunch of things I didn’t understand, it offered to show me how everything works. I told the salesbot I wasn’t going to pay for anything, but I’d try out a sample. So, it placed the strange device on my head and another one on its own head. And, I’ll tell you what, Kendall. As plain as you’re sitting next to me right now, I saw… I felt… my three boys there with me!” Avis allowed time for the weight of what she’d said to sink in.

Finally, Kendall spoke up. “What do you mean, ‘felt them’?”

“I can’t explain it. I had no idea what kind of trick that thing was trying to pull. So I tore the device off my head and almost threw it back in its face, demanding to know what I’d just seen. The bot very calmly told me that it was sorry to be the one to tell me this, but my three sons had died. However, they had each donated their consciousness to ‘Eternal Life’, so this was not a sad affair. Rather, it was a joyous second chance for me to be reunited with them again, forever.”

“They donated their consciousness? What does that even mean?” Kendall asked, befuddled.

“I don’t quite understand how it works, but before a person dies, they consign a will to include their consciousness, the same way they would for their physical possessions. Then, someone else can own it after they pass on… the way a company can own the rights to an author’s or artist’s intellectual property after they die.”

“That’s… crazy!”

“And that’s not even the half of it,” Avis continued, “Like any will, this one doesn’t go into effect until the person dies. However, once it is ‘retrieved’—as the bot called it—that’s when the payment is made. The consciousness is activated, and then decides if it wants to be uploaded for permanent usage by others. Can you imagine that? Making a decision to consciously live forever after your body’s dead?”

“None of this makes any sense, Avis,” Kendall started, “You’re telling me that the consciousness of someone we love might be floating around in some kind of virtual reality, just waiting to be retrieved and activated?”

“I guess so? If they donated it to ‘Eternal Life’ before they died.”

“Did you… donate your consciousness?” Kendall swallowed hard and her heart stopped for a second as she anticipated the inevitable answer.

“Of course I did! Why do you think I’m here telling you about it? Why would anyone choose not to live forever with the people they love?”

“Well, for one thing, it’s not… natural. And, for another… how do you know you weren’t simply fooled into believing that you saw your sons? Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference with computer animation these days,” Kendall submitted, exasperated.

“I know what I saw, Kendall,” Avis said, rather sternly. “If you don’t believe me, try it for yourself.” She reached over to shoo the cats away and picked up the briefcase she had arrived with. Avis opened it and handed Kendall an apparatus with wires dangling everywhere.

Kendall noticed the brochure sitting at the bottom of the briefcase with the inviting words, ‘Join Our Millions of Satisfied Customers’. She reluctantly took the headgear from Avis and studied it for a minute. Then, mimicking Avis’ movements, attached the device to her own head. “Alright, I’ll give it a try. What’s the worst that could happen?”

Avis flipped a switch inside the briefcase and instantly, Kendall was in the presence of a woman she had always known, yet someone she had never met in her lifetime. It was the mother who had given birth to her… and unfortunately died in the process. Kendall thought about her every day. She always wondered what it would be like if she could meet her mother; what kind of conversations they would have. And, there she was, right in front of her. So close she could touch her, she could talk to her, she could be with her. 

An uncertain amount of time later:

“Hi, honey. I’m home! Did you miss me?” Geoff’s voice resounded as he approached the porch.

“I’m so glad your back, dear. I have the most wonderful news,” Kendall announced in a dreamy voice as she snapped out of her simulated trance.

“Oh yeah? What kinda news?” he asked, a mixture of confused curiosity in his tone. When he reached the top step, Geoff was alarmed by what he saw, so he added, “Why are there seven cats on our porch?! And what are you wearing on your head?”

She reached over to the place where Avis had been sitting, lifted the other piece of equipment off of the cat, and handed it to her husband.

“Here, let me show you. Put this on…”