A Different Kind Of View

The air hung heavy on the platform, thick with the metallic tang of exhaust fumes & the greasy aroma of stale hot dogs from a nearby vendor. Neon signs advertising fast food flickered erratically, casting the bustling crowd in a strobing light show that made Hannah’s stomach churn

Her friends, a vibrant collage against the grimy backdrop, chatted excitedly. Hannah tried to focus, to join in the conversation, but a growing unease gnawed at her. She clutched her backpack straps, the familiar pressure a grounding force amidst the growing sensory overload. Every squeak of a departing train, every jostle from a hurried passenger, felt amplified & distorted, a tiny hammer blow against her already overloaded senses. Each passing second felt stretched thin, the world pulsing with an unbearable intensity & panic clawed at Hannah’s throat, her heart thumping loudly & her breaths coming out in shallow pants. It was all too much & a choked sob escaped her lips

Hannah’s best friend Sydney, who was standing next to her, was the first to notice her distress, “Hannah? Are you okay?”

Hannah wanted to explain, to make them understand the overwhelming sensory assault, but the words wouldn’t come. Before the panic could fully consume her, a hand touched her arm. She turned sharply to find Brendan, who had been at the bathroom

“Do we need to move?” he asked softly & Hannah simply nodded

Hannah remembered the first time she had a sensory meltdown in front of Brendan. Even though at that time he didn’t understand, he mimicked her movements to make her feel less self-conscious, stating that if people stared they would be staring at him too (& he didn’t give a damn what they thought!) After that incident, Brendan learnt about Sensory Processing Disorder & became one of few people Hannah could truly feel herself around

“But we’ll miss the train” Kai protested but Brendan shot him a look & Kai immediately backed down, mumbling a quiet apology

Brendan led the group through the throngs of people to a quieter area of the platform, tucked away. Hannah sat on the bench, her hands over her ears & Brendan knelt in front of her

“Hey, it’s okay, Hannah. We’ll get through this. Just take deep breaths” he reassured

He unclipped the worn leather pouch that was hanging from Hannah’s rucksack & pulled out noise-cancelling headphones. He gently placed them over her ears & the world instantly dimmed to a bearable hum, the harsh sounds muffled into a distant thrum

“Better?” Brendan asked with a small smile when he noticed Hannah’s breathing even out

Hannah nodded. She looked from him to her friends who were standing a few feet away in a huddle, worried looks on their faces

“I should explain…” Hannah began, her voice trembling slightly

She didn’t know where to begin or even if her friends would still be her friends when they found out the truth, but they deserved an explanation either way. She glanced at Brendan who nodded encouragingly

She took a breath before continuing, her gaze fixed on the floor in front of her, “… I have Sensory Processing Disorder. I don’t like drawing attention to it cause I get self-conscious. It basically means that I experience the world differently. I don’t like loud noises or large crowds of people, it gets overwhelming”

There was a silent pause & Hannah lifted her head to look at her friends. She was surprised at their soft, understanding gazes

“So that’s why you never come to parties” Charlie spoke up, the pieces clicking together like a puzzle & Hannah nodded, a small smile coming out

Sydney moved to sit on the bench next to Hannah, taking her hand, “You experience the world in your own amazing way. It might be different, but it’s no less valid. I experience the world differently too. With aphantasia when I close my eyes, it’s just darkness, there’s no world at all!”

“I also see the world differently” Robyn added helpfully, “I have ADHD & my brain is like a pinball machine on overdrive. My world goes at 100 miles per hour & I sometimes struggle to process it all”

“You see? We all have something that makes us unique, that doesn’t make you any less of a friend” Jodie added, moving to sit on the bench on other side of Hannah, “The most important thing, now that we know, what can we do to help?”

Hannah thought for a moment before answering, “You help by doing this- by bringing me somewhere quiet, making sure I have my headphones, keeping me calm & not making a big fuss of it. I’ve always been judged & stereotyped. With all of you I feel normal & that’s important to me”

“I think I speak for all of us when I say that we’re willing to learn more. You’re not on your own anymore, we’re here for you, okay?” Brendan replied, his statement met with agreement from the rest of the group

Hannah’s smile widened. The understanding in their eyes was worth more than anything. They might not of fully grasped her experience, but their willingness to learn filled her with a renewed sense of connection

“The next train is due any minute. Are we ready to try this again?” Kai asked, bringing the situation back

Hannah nodded getting to her feet

She went to remove her noise-cancelling headphones but Sydney stopped her, “If you need them, keep them on”

“I get self-conscious wearing them, especially in front of company” Hannah admitted

“We aren’t judging you & if anyone else has an issue we’ll set Charlie on them” Jodie assured her with a smile, motioning to Charlie who jabbed the air playfully

“No, better idea is to set Robyn on them instead” Kai joked, a wide grin on his face

“Hey!” Robyn protested, feigning offence as she swatted Kai playfully on the arm

Everyone laughed & as they walked back to the platform, Hannah felt a wave of warmth wash over her. Her friends didn’t see her as broken or strange. They saw her, understood her & most importantly, accepted her