Night Terror

Misty tears drip, drip and slip down the pane. Wintry chill rimes the sill. The gnarled fingers of the giant, standing naked in the garden, scritch scratch at the window. Its many arms flail in terror of the spectres who stalk the night. A moan from the mountain goads it to thump the roof, demanding entry. Looking for me. The trunk’s open mouth screams, silently. No teeth. A black hole. Scientists talk of them sucking everything in. It’s drawing my soul forth. It will swallow me.

In the deep night, I am alone, or might as well be. The house is hushed, holding its breath, pretending with me to be invisible, but still we’ve been found. The hounds of Hell scratch at our door. Everyone else sleeps the sleep of the dead. Maybe, they are dead. My leaden legs refuse to make the journey to check. There’ll be blood and staring eyes…

I’ve seen the movies…and the News. 

No one here to protect me. My body shudders in dread response, twitches in a convulsive effort to cling to life. Death is horror. Death is pain. Death is Hell, unless you’re perfect. I’m not perfect.

A flash of fire on the horizon followed by a low growl. A haunting, hunting howl, announces the arrival of the Master of Daemons. He comes for me. 

I’m not ready to go. I’ll be good, I promise. I don’t mean to be mean. They told me I’d better be good or God will be angry, punish me. I know I should, but even at my best, I’m no angel. He sends bad children to Hell. I’m just a kid, please don’t hurt me. The paralysis creeps into my lungs, my chest daren’t move, even to give me air… 

A shadow eats the moon. I whimper. He’s coming for me. My eyes see my end, my breath holds itself shakily, my radar amplifies each threat.

‘Sooo  ooooon,’ the Evil One taunts. ‘Yooo  oooo.’

‘Heeelllppp!’

Someone’s shrieking. My heart is beating its bony cage in a rage to be free. The horror’s of the night are coming to claim me. Their terror consumes me.

‘No, no! Help!’

Sissy falls from the top bunk as Mum and Dad race in. Light blinds me. I can’t see.

‘Save me! Save me.’ 

I fight them off. I won’t go easily. Fearful strength jerks my skinny arms and legs, my only weapons.

Rough hands grab my shoulders and shake me awake. 

Sobbing, drenched in the night terror’s waters I, at last, gulp greedily at reality. Mum, Dad, Sissy. Faces I recognise. I fall into loving embraces.

‘You’re all right, girlie.’ Dad’s voice is shaky. 

Mum wipes wet strands from my eyes and mouth. ‘It’s just a nightmare. There, there. Sleep now.’

Sissy climbs in beside me. ‘It’s fine, I’m here,’ she whispers.

***

After a certain age, night terror’s are no longer considered excusable. One must put aside childish things…or pretend to. 

‘No more screaming, now.’ 

No comfort offered, just harsh annoyance at loss of sleep. 

I learn to swallow the fetid breath of the fear that still raps on the window pane.

‘Just count sheep.’ 

I do…they sprout horns, leap turns to creep, lambs to lions with huge teeth. 

‘Control your breathing. Think nice thoughts. Why are you so distraught? You’re an adult now.’ 

Not at one in the morning. I’m lost in a world of dark panic, while around me creep Imps of Punishment searching for flaws and imperfections. They will break me open, reveal the void inside. Nowhere to hide.

***

Often over the years Sissy calmed my fears, wiped my tears, even when I should have ‘grown up’. When others were fed up and I learned to hold in the screams, she knew. She was there lying beside me. ‘It’s fine, I’m here.’

 I hear her still, though she’s been gone for some time now, leaving me alone to face the darkness. I miss her. It’s deep night. I am alone. No one to protect me. This time, I really am on my own. 

 Wavering ghosts of moonlight filter through the gnarly branches that twist and turn in an ague of nightmarish activity. The giant writhes, shaking, fingers raking on the window.

Scritch, scratch!

Misty rain grizzling, dripping down the pane. I strain to hear what the spectres are saying. A far wolf is baying. My brain knows it’s a dog, but the child inside knows better.

It puts the wind up me. I know it’s only the breeze, but even so, my heart races, outpaces the rising squall.

A shadow eats the moon. Black blankets me. Beat, beat, beat…Spectres stalk the street. He’s coming for me. The night terror haunts me still. The darkness hides cruel intent. It’s my time. The void will consume me, eternally. I haven’t always been the best I can be. From Darkness, I came; to Darkness, I go. If only it were so. I don’t want to go to the land of the damned, but the alternative is nothing. Nothing is darkness.

Is that Sissy’s voice I hear call? —'Yooo  ooooo…yoo  ooo…’   

A breath of breeze whispers, ‘It’s fine, I’m here.’ 

She has not forsaken me, would not mislead me. She bids me take her hand. Trust her. Dare I take up the offer and join her? Where will she lead me? 

I long to be free of the horrors that encumber me, all the terror chasing me. I want to be free of the expectation of perfection, rejection. 

Sissy is at hand, she understands. ‘It’s fine, I’m here.’

Yes, I dare. We dare. We shall be free. We shall dance through Elysian fields where she’ll stay with me. Play with me. Where even the night is brilliant, with its own vivacious existence. Where darkness and shadow are merely shades of luminescence that hide nothing to fear, but reveal a gentler expression of the One of which we are all made.

I shall be a bright star shining through the deep darkness of some lone soul’s night of terror.