Open Your Eyes

That light is so bright. Is it even possible for my eyes to adjust to it? I blink a couple of times. At least, I think I do. Now I can make out the fluorescent tubing housed in the ceiling tile. Who invented a light bulb that can burn more intensely than the sun? Good lord. I hope they got their money's worth.

I see three figures standing on the other side of the room. A stranger is talking to my mom and dad. "...Caused her brain to swell significantly. Only time will tell if she will wake up...."

I open my eyes again when I feel a tug on my right arm. At least, I think I do. There's a nurse there. She has just switched me to a new IV bag. She looks to be about the same height as me. Her brunette hair was pinned back into an intricate bun. It's beautiful, really. I'm going to have to ask her to show me how to do mine like that. She's wearing army green scrubs, that are neat and clean. I must be the first of her rounds. I stare at her oval face as she checks the machines that surround my head. She seems to be about a couple of years younger than me, but the tireless hours of her job have aged her. Haha, girl that makeup isn't hiding those dark circles. She still looks beautiful nonetheless. "Her vitals look decent. And her O2 has improved" she says to a fellow nurse who makes note of it in my chart.

My O2? Oh! That must be what I've been feeling in my chest. Surrendering your breathing to a machine is quite.... annoying. And weird. The sleep deprived nurse places her hand just above my wrist. She gazes towards me with a look of somber and heartache in her brown eyes. She gives my arm a gentle squeeze and walks out of the room. And I welcome the comfort of darkness once again.

Someone is sobbing. My mother is to the right of me, holding my hand with both of hers. Her head rested face down in between her arms. I've never heard her cry that hard before. Even when Dad cheated on her. Speaking of which, I can hear my brother arguing with him just outside my room. But I can't quite make out what they're saying. "Mom, what's wrong? What are they fighting about? Is that why you're upset?"

Hmmm, she doesn't answer me. Well, she knows I'll be here when she's ready to talk.

Ugh, my back is so sore! How long have I been here? Couldn't be more than a week I suppose. I'm still not sure what happened. Apparently, no one cares to answer my questions. Car accident maybe? This hospital staff takes care of me pretty well physically, but they are seriously lacking in the social aspect. I'm gonna have to leave them a "mixed review" on Google lol. My family is back for another visit. They brought my aunts, uncles, and grandparents as well. Seems that everyone is here but the kids. Ah, it must've been a car accident. That would make sense. I don't know how I look, but I wouldn't want the kids to see me like this either.

"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you!"

"Guys... whose birthday is it?"

"Happy birthday dear Sasha! Happy birthday to you!"

"What? It's not my birthday. You all know it's not for another 3 months!"

My brother blows out the candles and the rest of the family applauds.

"Uhh, thanks I guess? Lol, you guys are weird." They cut into the cake and start handing out slices. Black cherry with chocolate frosting, my favorite! I would kill for a piece of that cake right now. This hospital food isn't it, let me tell you. Wait... I haven't eaten here have I? What WAS the last thing I ate? I can't remember.

I listen as family members recount stories of the past. Like the time when I was 6 and broke my arm all because Jordan double-dog-dared me to climb the tallest tree in our back yard. "There was no way she was going to allow you to call her a 'scaredy-cat,' you know that right?" My aunt says as she gives my brother a playful push. "Yeah, she has a spirit that loves to prove you wrong" he replied.

Or the time when I was a junior in high school and peer pressured my friends into going trick-or-treating. "She'll always be young at heart, that girl" my father says. "What did they dress up as again?"

"The Spice Girls" Jordan answers. "But they were all 'Scary Spice' because ya know.... Halloween and all that. It was her idea." Which causes the family to chuckle.

They talked about my graduation. "She made valedictorian. My girl worked so hard for that title. I can't tell you how proud I am of her" Mom says, wiping a tear from her eye.

As the party dies down and the last of the family members leave, my brother sits on the chair beside me. He runs his hand through his dark, messy hair. He adjusts his body in the chair and rests his elbows on his knees. Fingers interlaced. The smile he wore from the party has faded. His hazel eyes stare at the floor as he speaks to me. He's telling me about the promotion he just got at work. And about how his wife is pregnant with their second child.

"No way! I'm gonna have another niece or nephew?! Oh, I'm so excited and proud of you!"

"Mason is going into middle school this year, he's nervous as hell" he chuckles.

"Wait, middle school? No, he's in the 3rd grade. That doesn't make any sense."

His laugh trails off and we sit for a moment in silence.

All of a sudden his eyes flash towards me. Tears slowly streaming down his face.

"It's killing me that you can't see all of this. To celebrate with us. It breaks my heart every time Mason asks 'why won't Aunt Sosh wake up?' That kid LOVES you. I love you." The pain lingering around his words, I can feel it stab into my heart.

"I know! I'm so sorry. I wish the accident didn't happen. I..."

"Why did you do it, Sosh?" His voice cracks.

I woke up again to see a doctor talking to my brother and my parents. I feel groggy. The tube in my chest, that damned blinding light. I'm so over it. The doctor's voice is answered with silence from my family. Finally, my brother says, "Is nobody going to say it?"

"Say what Jordan?" My mother snaps.

"It has been 3 years Jill," my father says matter-of-factly.

"It was an accident! She didn't mean to take that many" Mom cries out.

"20 pills is not an accident Mom! She didn't want to live the life she had before, so you believe she would want to live THIS one? You think THIS one is better for her?!"

Wait, so I...? I did what? No. No no no no no. I feel my heart rate increase which is confirmed by the beeping monitor. I've got to wake up! I've got to hug them, tell them I love them, and that I'm sorry! I've got to...

"Doctor! Look!"