The Forgotten Dream

The girls are really very lovely, but for the life of me I don’t know why they’re here. I was just dozing off here in my recliner chair, so it confused me a bit when I woke up and saw them all standing around me like they’re expecting something. They’re here to see me? I look over at my friend, Jim. He’s standing by the door in the back, where he usually goes to watch the TV. He gets a better view of the screen over there, smart guy. Maybe he knows why these girls are here.

“You’ve got visitors,” he says. He smiles at me. Really great guy, that Jim.

It still doesn’t really answer my questions though. Who are they? Why are they here for just me? No one else seems to notice them; everyone is just enjoying the TV.

“-listening? How are ya?” the older woman is looking right at me and I realize she’s probably been talking for a bit but I wasn’t really paying attention.

“Yeah! Yeah, I’m doing great. No complaints,” I tell them all with a smile.

It’s true, I am doing great. Everyone is pretty nice and it’s very relaxing here. I get a little bored sometimes, but then I just take a nap. Like just now.

“We brought you some presents,” one of the two younger girls says to me while holding out a book. 

When she puts it on my lap it’s really heavy. I make a face and mime struggling to lift it. It’s a little annoying actually. I mean come on, this book is so heavy. Why are they making me hold this heavy thing? Do they want me to carry it? Jesus, the thing probably weighs ten pounds. Now the girl looks a little annoyed. Or maybe a little sad. I don’t know, I’m not a mind reader. She opens it and starts turning the pages. There’s a really funny program on the TV. Some of the guys up front are laughing so I look to see what’s so funny. I like this program too. I wonder if Jim is enjoying it. I turn around in my seat a little to see what he’s doing back there, but it’s hard to move properly with the heavy book in my lap. 

“-at the beach, remember? Can you just look, right here, see?” the girl is pointing at a picture in the book and I guess she’s been talking to me while she was turning the pages but the TV program was really interesting so I had to look, and then there’s Jim, I still didn’t get to talk to Jim. 

She’s definitely annoyed now. The other younger girl that looks like her is just standing there, not saying anything. I look at her and she kind of smiles at me, but she doesn’t seem to know what’s going on with the book either. But the girl turning the book pages, oh boy, she really wants me to look at it, I guess I should pay attention to make her happy. The older woman, I’m starting to feel like maybe I do know her, she leans over me a bit to speak, and I listen this time, trying to remember where I might know her from.

“Look, isn’t that nice? She made this for you,” she says.

I look down at the picture the girl kept talking about. It looks kind of familiar, like maybe I had a dream about it, but I forgot. I usually have really weird dreams. I’m talking crazy stuff! But that’s when I can remember them. Usually when I wake up I forget them.

So maybe I had a dream about this picture? There’s a couple of kids in it, and they’re at a beach. I do love the beach. It’s been a long time, maybe I should go for a visit. But wait, that’s crazy, how would I get there? You can’t just go to the beach. It’s so far away and I don’t know that I feel up to a long journey. I’m so tired lately. But I do like the sound of the ocean, with the waves and all.

The girl turning the pages sighs and looks at the older woman. They seem upset about something, maybe? I think I definitely do know this older woman, now. 

“We all used to be very close, didn’t we?” I ask the girl with the book, cause maybe she’ll know. It’s so easy to forget people’s names, it’s kind of embarrassing, but maybe they won’t mind me asking if I’m nice about it and pretend like I remember.

“Roy, that’s Caroline,” the older woman says, smiling as she says it, like it’s a joke that I’m asking, as though I should have any idea who Caroline is.

“Well, I know that,” I say defensively, because I don’t want her to think I’m foolish, but I still don’t know.

The girl flips another page. She keeps pointing to things and talking, but it’s hard to hear her over the TV, and also the ladies sitting on my other side are talking to each other now too. These ladies are old, I’m talking really old, and I wonder what they could be talking about. The one keeps pointing at the TV and the other has got some candies in a jar she’s holding and they look good. I wonder if I could get one of those candies, but it might be rude to ask, you know? 

“-and listen, it plays music when you pull this tab,” the girl says to me as a tune starts playing out of the book.

The sound does actually get my attention, so I stop looking at the candies and thinking about how I could get some and start trying to pay attention to the book again, because it is really cool. I mean, for real, it’s a book, but now it’s playing music, isn’t that neat? It’s not very loud but if I pay attention I can hear it clearly over the TV and everything else. A man’s voice is singing, very slowly and softly. I know this song . . . 

Edelweiss, Edelweiss . . .

I think I know it from a movie maybe, or another TV program? The book is still heavy but now I don’t mind because I want to find out about the song, where do I know it from? Maybe the book has clues. I look at it closely. There’s a pin with a little white flower in it. A few pictures, different people in them, but hey, I think that’s me! I’m in the pictures! I stare at them but I can’t quite understand what is happening in them or why they are there, but anyway, how cool is that? She has pictures of me in a book!

The song stops and I’m sad, I liked it so much, but then the girl pulls the little tab on the page and it starts playing again. Good. The girl was all talk before, but now that I’m listening, she isn’t saying anything at all. I guess we’re all just listening to the song now. It’s a great song, one of my favorites. I stare at the pictures some more while I listen. Who are the other people? There’s a woman, and two girls. They all seem just lovely. They’re all standing together in front of some mountains in one picture, just two girls in another. Me with some animals in another.

Edelweiss, Edelweiss, every morning you greet me . . .

I feel very happy but also very sad. I almost remember. It’s just so nice. 

. . .small and white, clean and bright, you look happy to meet me . . .

I think they might be my family, but that seems like such a strange thought. Is that why I know that woman? And the two girls, they look alike, are they all related? 

. . . bloom and grow, forever. Edelweiss, Edelweiss . . .

When the song ends, she doesn’t play it again, but I’m very interested now, so I keep looking at the book and the pictures anyway. That seems to make her really happy. They’re all three watching me. She turns the page and talks about some more of the pictures. I watch but I keep singing Edelweiss in my head.

*****

Now we’re sitting at the table in the dining room. They’re getting ready to put the food out. Jim is helping some other guy to sit at my table, even though the girls, my family somehow I think, are with me still. We put the book in my room, so I can listen to Edelweiss whenever I want. I am pretty hungry though. I hope they have good food today.

“Alright well, I think we need to get going now so you can eat, okay?” the woman looks a little sad when she says this to me. 

They’re all standing, like they’re about to leave. I should go with them right? I can’t quite remember, but I’m pretty sure now, they really are my family. I’m supposed to be with them. So I think we’re all leaving together now. 

“Okay, so, are we all going together? Am I coming with you?”

I start to get up so I can join them, but I can’t quite get all the way out of my chair properly, because I’m not very balanced these days and it’s hard to stand up from chairs. They’re just so wobbly, you can never get your feet under you properly before the chair is in the way, and then you’re tripping over it, and it’s just a mess. 

“No, you need to stay here and eat, look you’re about to have dinner,” the woman says this smiling but she sounds sad I think, and the girls look like they are in pain or something. I wonder what’s wrong with them.

“Yep, that's right, and we’re serving up your favorite today, Roy, we’ve got cherry pie for dessert!” says Jim.

He's all cheerful when he tells me about the pie, and I do love cherry pie, but something feels not quite right and I'm confused, halfway between sitting and standing. Roy helps me sit back down and get comfortable in my seat again so I don’t fall. Lucky I have him.

The girls come and hug me. 

“Love you, see you soon, okay?” says the quiet one.

“Goodbye, dad, I love you,” says the other one.

 Dad? I was right, it is my family! My wife, my daughters. But it’s funny, I don’t really remember them like that though, and you’d think you’d remember something like that, right? 

They wave goodbye and they start to walk away, and Jim is still standing next to me so he starts talking to me about dinner tonight and that’s very nice, but it’s all so strange. I have a family. I have daughters, but it’s like trying to remember a dream that I forgot, and I don’t know where my family is going but I feel like I should be with them, but I’m not, and I can’t figure out what’s going on, or where I’m supposed to be if it’s not with my family that I just almost remembered. 

How can I have a family and not know them? This isn’t a dream; this is my worst nightmare.