The Visitor In The Veil

“Sir, can you count down from ten for me?”

I was not particularly tired so I saw no point - I would probably make it all the way down to one before they realized they had given me the wrongs medications - but I complied anyway because who am I to tell them how to do their jobs.

“Ten,” I started, staring at the ceiling.

“Nine,” I continued, the strength starting to seep out of my body.

To be nameless in worthy deeds exceeds an infamous history - Thomas Browne 

“Eight,” 

The healing of the world is in its nameless saints - Bayard Taylor

“Sev…”

Everything turned black.

—

Next thing I knew I woke up in a white room, but as a I looked closer it turned out my eyes were just deceiving me as they got adjusted to the light. My surroundings only appeared white because of the air between me and the items. It was like a fog had searched for warmth to escape the cold outside and had found small cracks in the construction that it could lure its way into. The fireplace was no longer black, but a light gray. The dark wooden floor was now barely a tan one. And the couch was the color of the sky on a summer day instead of the midnight blue. 

I started to recognize the place and realized why I knew the colors were off. This was my childhood home. It felt unreal, but it looked like home and it felt like home. It did not smell like home however, there was a weird scent in the air, a smell I couldn’t quite put my finger on other than that it reminded me of having a hangover and hovering over a newly scrubbed toilet. 

I have longed for this place for some years now so it did not cross my mind to wonder how I got back here, my main concern was exploring every nook and cranny of this house and taking a mental picture. I walked into the kitchen first and everything were at its usual place. Same with the bathroom, my sister’s room and my mother’s. It was like we never left… except for one thing, the door to my room was locked and I could not find a key anywhere, no matter how hard I looked. This was weird because as a recall, my door was not even able to lock when I was young. 

I was rifling through one of the bookshelves for the key when the voice spoke for the first time.

“Good morning sleepyhead,” It said and I spun around, certain I had been alone in the house. As I turned there were no one in sight and I carefully peeked around the corned to the kitchen to see if maybe the voice was coming from there.

Empty.

“I was really hoping tonight had been the night, but it looks like I was wrong…” I study the walls up and down, half expecting to see a speaker on one of them because it sounded like it was coming from all around me. 

“At least all your vitals still look good, but I will order some more tests to make sure we are not missing something… we are starting to worry about you.”

“Who are you?” I shouted to no one and it made me feel stupid.

“I will come back to check on you again later, okay?” 

“What do you want from me?” I said, a little more calm this time in hopes it would make me feel less like an idiot, but to no avail. 

No answer, the voice must have already gone.

“Fine…” I muttered to myself, walked over to the couch and sank into it. I felt weaker suddenly, like I had sputtered all the strength out of me when I had screamed at the voice. My brain was working overtime trying to figure out what was going on with me, but it made no sense and I eventually gave up and closed my eyes. I seemed to be unable to sleep but it was better than nothing.

How long I stayed like that I do not know, but after some time the voice came again. 

“You don’t mind if I eat my lunch with you again today, do you?” The kindness in the voice made me feel better about not seeing the person that spoke to me so I shook my head. Only a second later I realized that maybe they could not see me either, but they were already speaking again so I guess they knew. 

“It is a lot more relaxing here, it is so loud in the cafeteria these days, not to mention so full of negativity. You know what Kaitlyn said to me today? She suggested quitting. Said that we are barely even being noticed for all we do and this job was not what she signed up for. I mean, I guess I can understand it in some way… it hasn’t exactly been fun the past months, but people need us now more than ever, even if they do not realize it. I couldn’t possibly quit now.”

“What do you do for a living?” I tried asking, hoping they could hear me and maybe that would give me some answers. 

“It really is a shame you have to go through all of this alone. That isn’t fair, you should be allowed to have family come visit you… you don’t even have the virus, we have tested you many times already, you just got unlucky at the worst possible time. I just hate this pandemic so much… Please wake up, we need something to go our way for once. A miracle.” 

I guess they did not hear me, or maybe they ignored my question because I was not supposed to know. 

“Oh no, look at the time! My lunch is over, I have to go. Get better okay?” 

“Wait, don’t leave me again!” I stood up, but soon realized there was little I could do to physically stop someone I could not see. I sighed.

I was already up so I walked over to the window and looked outside. It had snowed so every tree had been bejeweled with glittering, white stones. The branches were reaching towards the ground like they wanted to touch more of the snow, but the reality of it was that beauty comes at a cost, and for the branches this was the added weight that made it hard for them to stand with their head held high. It looked nice outside and I wanted a whiff of the winter air so I found a jacket and went out in the hallway only to realize the front door was locked as well, just as my room. I gave it up and went inside again. I lit the fireplace, found a book from the shelf and placed myself in front of the flames. 

No matter how weird it was here and how confusing, there was no denying: this was a nice place and I liked it here. I felt safe.

—

“I see today is not the day either.” The voice startled me out of my book and deep thoughts. “But no matter, I still believe in you and today is a good day anyway. Can you guess why?”

I really couldn’t.

“I have pasta salad for lunch today! You want some?” I heard a soft chuckle and I could not help but laugh too. It was a nice sound. “Sorry, that was mean, but come on, the opportunity was right there.”

I closed my book and put it beside me so I could give the voice my full attention. 

“It is weird that I don’t find talking to you weird, isn’t it? I mean you never answer and I am pretty sure you can’t even hear me but I still like it, you’re like my therapy. You are actually the best part of my day” She laughed again and I heard the screeching sound of a chair being dragged across the floor. “I don’t really know you but no one can deny you are a good listener at least.” 

There was my answer, I guess. She could not see nor hear me so there was no point in responding. 

“But lets hope you don’t remember it when you wake up because not all the things I have told you the past weeks are things I should tell a patient… and speaking of things I should not tell a patient, you know how I told you a couple of weeks ago that Jacob and Alex were flirting so much, but still denied they were a couple? Well this morning, Kaitlyn caught them doing it when she was picking up Jacob to go to work. I am really excited to see where that relationship is going. They seem good for each other though so I hope it goes well. We could all use someone by our side, especially now.” 

Thats when something in the corner of my eye made my attention shift. There was movement outside the window so I stood up and walked over to take a closer look. When I did and saw what was out there it felt like I got punched in the gut. It was my mom and she was smiling at me and waving. I hadn’t seen her since that faithful day when she went to work like it was just a normal day and then never came home. She had already died when the paramedics arrived. A heart attack they had informed my dad. Yet, there she was, waving at me like it was the most natural thing in the world.

I stood there shocked for a second before, without thinking, just ran towards the front door and started ripping on it. Getting to my mother was the only thing I though about. I jumped against the door and tore and pushed on it with all my power and body weight.

“No no no no no,” I heard the voice say in the background but I barely registered it. 

Finally, the door swung open and the low winter sun hit me with a blinding light, but I did not care, it was worth it. I was preparing to run outside, but as soon as I put a foot forward I was hit in the chest with something and thrown back against the wall. I was not going to give up that easily, who are they to keep me from my mother. I got up again, electricity coursing through my veins and I tried again.

“200, CLEAR” I heard, but it did not make sense to me so I ignored it and forced myself through the door once more, but with no luck. Again an invisible force hit me and threw me back at the wall. The pain was unbearable, but only there for a second before I blacked out.

—

When I woke again I was lying on the couch, every part of my body aching and I did not find the power inside me to get up again. 

“Please don’t do that to me again.” The voice spoke softly.

But I am so tired 

“You scared us, we thought that might be the end… But you fought with us, thank you.”

Did I though?

“Please continue to do that”

Do I really have a choice in the matter? And do I want to? I miss my mom…

— 

Time went on in a similar matter as the days before the incident: I read, I sat in front of the fireplace and I listened to the voice. I had come to love it, they talked about their day and it distracted me from what was going on that I did not understand. It was something I looked forward to every day and the kindness and belief in their voice made me want to believe in myself. That maybe I could fight. 

I never saw more of my mom and as much as it saddened me, it made me hopeful because I do not think I am supposed to go outside and I am not sure they can stop me if I see her again. One day, when the voice had been absent for some time and I started to think it had abandoned me, I had been tempted once more to go outside. I was a little more careful this time with opening the door but it was not doable. It had gone back to being locked and I did not see my mom out there so the motivation to break it opened was as absent as she was.

Which leads us to today. I was listening to the voice telling me about a date they were going on later in the day when my bookmark started to become blurry. More blurry than usual. It looked like a reflection in water that I had upset by tracing my finger through it. When I tried to pick it up to study it further my fingers went right through it. 

“The society has finally opened up some so we are going to this restaurant on the other side of town. I am really nervous, but I think it will be good for me to get out. I haven't really decided what to wear yet though.” 

The bookmark started to become more visible again, but it was no longer the bookmark I had in my hand earlier. It had transformed into two keys, one with a blue ribbon and one with a green one. It was simple math, so I figured it out rather quick. There were two locked doors in this house and two keys, now it was only a matter of choosing the right one. 

“I am thinking dark green with some golden details, do you think that will be alright?”

The voice had been helpful so far so why not? Green it is. 

As I picked it up the other key became blurry again and turned back into the bookmark.

Oh dear, please let this be the right one, please, please, please say I picked the right one. 

I walk with hesitation, praying silently to myself as I clutch the key, worried it will turn back into a bookmark if I drop it and I will remain stuck forever. I try putting the key in but miss a few times, which can be blamed on my shaking hands. I finally get it in and push open my bedroom door, a blinding white light hits me before I am able to see the inside of my room. 

“Green sounds perfect,” I say, my voice sounds hoarse and I try to clear my throat as I open my eyes. They are blurry and the world is too bright and appears like everything is a bookmark turning into a key. I see a person sitting beside me but the features are still invisible because of my degraded eyesight. 

“You are awake.” The voice whispers before hurrying out, leaving me with only a proper glimpse of the flying scrub as they leave and my eyesight comes back. “We need a doctor in room 208.”

The days proceed with probably every doctor in the hospital coming in and visiting and checking that I am alright. The guy who spend eight months in a coma in the middle of a pandemic and came back with no issues. I ask them if they know who sat with me every day, but no one does. Apparently that is not something you notice in an overcrowded hospital. Everyone too busy with their own patients and problems.

I guess I know now why names are so important. Why it is so often used in literature: Names that shall not be spoken, names that are written on a soulmate's arm so you know for sure when you have the right one. Not to mention, names in religion that should be spoken, the ones that give you blessings. It is something that makes you who you are, and makes you identifiable. You… well, you never gave me your name. And it turns out, without knowing my saint’s name, I have run out of ways to locate you. Ways to call on you. So I am close to giving up. The only thing I know is where you work, which turns out to be not enough, the place too big. Yet, I need to say this: you saved me, and I do not think I would be here without you. You mentioned you were upset I had to be alone, but the truth is, I never was. My company was nameless, but company nonetheless. And what you did for me, I will name to the end of my days.