Changing Worlds

Kane arrived at 11.30, disappointed to be visible again. As a waiter led him to the table he didn’t look at any of the other customers. He had brought a newspaper to be his dining companion.

Ordering from the lunch menu, he again weighed up the possibilities that this was a trap. It had taken him two days to discover Jono’s whereabouts. They had contacted each other by means known to both of them; years of informal conversations meant they knew how the other ticked. It had not been difficult. No question that an unhappy home life in recent years had made Kane a bolder agent.

The meal was good, though a salty aftertaste meant he downed the iced water quickly. He read the newspaper till 1:45. The agreed time. Then leaving the paper open on the table he walked to the back of the restaurant, following the toilet sign which led him down a flight of stairs. It was all as described, toilets on the right, fire door on the left.

Toilet first. It was small, white tiles around the sink. Washing his face in the mirror, he rubbed the line of dark stubble that was unusual for him. He liked to think that he was ageing well.  His birth year was 41, like his wife but by the time all his different postings had been added together he was closer to 55. The reintegration team helped him keep up appearances.

Looking around he pushed the door and rather than head back up the stairs to the restaurant he pushed open the emergency exit. It led out onto a small patio. Cigarette ends collected in a glass jar, a small wooden seat, some broken glass. He walked along the path, appreciating the accuracy of Jono’s instructions and into the open side door in a garage at the back.

Jono was waiting at a small round table. He'd grown a am unkempt beard, a homeless disguise, of course- the easiest way to hide in this city. He still looked handsome, even with a baggy jumper and old jacket over it. His large brown eyes gazed intently at Kane.

 “You've come for me, I know that. I don't want to make it difficult.”

Kane was not surprised by the other man's directness. Neither of them had time to pretend that things were not serious.

“I would not have come out in the open so early if I had not wanted to listen.” His reply was sincere.

“I know, I realized. You broke your own protocol They won’t have sent you on your own. We both know that. “

Kane knew that was likely. If he had been in charge of the operation he would have done the same.

 “Agreed. Jono, what's going on?”

 “Let me ask you a question,” His voice was steady now, clear.

“Would it surprise you if I said we had been lied to?” There was an intensity in his voice.

 “Lied to? About the war? That’s what you were investigating wasn’t it?”

 He had not thought of Jono as a conspiracy theorist.

He had a good reputation. at one point Kane had been involved in training him.

 “About the fact that it did not need to happen.”

 Surprised? No, not surprised. Kane had stopped trusting the official line a long time ago. It was one thing to doubt, to know that in unguarded moments the thoughts came, that you didn’t believe in what you did, in who you were. It was another to be confronted by someone you trusted.

 “Whatever happened Jono, changing the past. It's impossible.”

 “Impossible because it is illegal? Or impossible because people are covering up? You and I, we know the risks. If either of us ceased to exist now, if we die here then we don't exist in our own time and space. Those our life's touch, their existence would be totally different. Your wife would have married someone else.”

 Kane had managed not to think too much about her since he had arrived, the memory of their last argument wounded him. It was only Jono's next statement that brought him back into the moment.

 “We understand the risk. That things adjusted now can create huge instability in the future. By changing something as significant as a war we could alter the course of this home planet, maybe return to find that our planet doesn’t even exist. That we are all stuck here. But, these people you passed coming in … they don't know. They have no idea what could happen. They are innocent”.

 Kane was silent. He had thought many times before about the possibility of stopping the war.

 “Stay here, help me. Between us, if we act quickly, decisively, we could change the outcome. More than that, we could prevent the war from ever starting. I have found a way.”

This had not been the conversation he had expected. The instant camaraderie, the expectation that they thought the same way. How had this young man become such a good judge of character?

they had known each other well years before, but Kane had always been careful, never spoken out his thoughts to anyone. Nadine didn’t know. No one knew how much he doubted.

Jono put his right-hand palm down onto the table between them.

“Take this. Read it. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to hide.”

Lifting his hand he revealed a data stick. Instinctively Kane reached out for it, putting it in his pocket, recognizing that this signified agreement of sorts, crossing the line.

 Jono looked at him.

“It’s all in there Michael. You are a good man. I know that. Agents owe their life to you. Look at it.”

Kane was careful not to respond to this. They only had a few minutes together. When he did speak again it was to probe, his concern obvious:

“What about our families? You're not married, have no children but you do have siblings, you do have friends. If we change the course of history in such a significant way, then we could be signing their death warrants!”

 Jono was quiet now.

“Don't you think I have thought about that? Everyday. Is it murder to stop a life before the life exists? We could save billions of people.”

Kane was dizzy, the effect of the conversation on top of his recent stabilization causing him to feel nauseous.

“I've thought about it every time I've been on a posting to this planet, I know you will have to.”

Jono stopped talking. The pause gave Kane time, space for a denial. The absence of one was taken by both men as implicit, silent agreement.

Kane was again surprised by the knowledge this man had of him, of opinions that no one else knew. His training had been somehow more personal than he realized, more unprofessional, had given more of himself away than he meant to.

 He took a card from his inside pocket and wrote down an alphanumeric code, passing it to Jono.

“You can get me on this- Non office issue.”

They shook hands, Jono touching his forearm,

“Thank you and I’m sorry.” He said, looking Kane in the eye.

 “And sorry for dragging you into this.”

Kane turned, walking back to the building, nothing else to say. He went briskly back up the stairs, lifted a final forkful of food into his mouth and left the restaurant, thanking the waiter who was near the door. Aware of the cold wind on his face. The traffic was a bit easier and he turned back, sauntering slowly, looking in shop windows, eventually entering a second hand bookshop he had spotted earlier that day.

 Was he being lied to? He didn't think so. He looked at a few books covers not able to focus and left after buying one biography hardback and one small novel. Though he didn’t think he was being followed he would take a circuitous route back to the safe house he was staying in. His left hand was exposed to the cold wind, holding the bag of books. His right was a curled first, warm in his trouser pocket, the data stick imprinting its small rectangular presence in the palm of his hand. He could not let it go.

The next day was warmer. He spent the morning walking for hours, his means of coping when the pressure was on and he needed to think. At lunch time he ate in a bar on the edge of a park. At around 1 he was aware he was receiving a message and discreetly pulled out the small device, placing it on his leg.

The family are very close now.

The message stopped him. Left him cold. His instinct was to rush in and help. Another message:

You can do this alone. Read it. Study it well.

He sat down on a bench in the middle of what they used to call Trafalgar Square, looking around at the many faces; skin colours he rarely saw in his own world. He knew it was time to leave.

There were probably more of them than even he had thought. It was possible that at this moment another agent had his gaze fixed upon him. That helped him keep his focus. On the way out of the square he bought a coffee from a stand.

It would not take them long. Jono probably would not fight them. He would be more likely to end his life, being careful not to get caught for interrogation but not wanting to injure innocent agents who had been told to come after him. After a point hiding was not an option. He had done well to avoid detection up till now. Moving quickly, he drank the coffee as he walked, concentrating so that it didn’t spill.

At night when two other agents picked him up it was easy to feign anger.

"Above all else you were supposed to be careful. We needed to question him."

They stood silently, absorbing his temper.

Kane softened, "Take me to his last known addresses."

It was important that he put up a pretext of final inspection, even though he already had all the information he needed.

He went to see different locations-each one in a very different type of area. It was in the last one that he found a package, under a loose floorboard-a digibox, a notebook and some data discs. They were already in a bag, he placed them in a fresh bag and kept them.

"He left them. "I know it's not easy." He said. "I'm sorry for my anger, I trained him-I suppose my disgust got the better of me."

The two men looked shocked, obviously not used to this type of vulnerability from a senior officer. In the pause, he carried on.

"It's time for me to go. I'll arrange my own passage. I know you'll have various tidying up exercises to do."

They nodded, still not saying much. Kane mourned the loss of personality in young agents as he walked away.

                                                                                         ***

Physically, coming back was always easier than going out. Tired, he had a quick nap and two hundred years sped by. He didn’t feel sick at all.

He didn't want to hang around at the office. The initial debriefing had dealt with the key facts. It was a good sign. They trusted him.

Things looked the same. He had almost forgotten the return feeling. Normally the details of everyday life would have taken over. The other world felt semi imagined, a bit like an extravagant holiday. This time he knew it would be different.

The office provided him with a hover taxi home. He got off two blocks away so that he could walk and breathe. The artificial air felt so clean, so pure. For now, he didn’t want to consider the choices that lay ahead.

This was a normal day for Nadine- the only surprise would be he was coming back early. For Kane he had been away four weeks; for her three days. The facial recognition lock buzzed into life as he walked toward the door. She was already waiting at the entrance,

“I saw you coming,” she said.

She was leaning against the doorway, long, fair hair that should have been short trailed down one side. Her face was thin, younger looking, – like when they were first together. The difference was striking, he didn’t know what this meant. Some things had been changed after all. So that she wouldn’t notice he put his trembling hand in his pocket.

She kissed him. Different. He pulled away, looking in her eyes. The game had come home and, as all experienced agents did, he tried not to give anything away.

 “You look great.” He spoke quietly, aware that his voice might sound shaky.

She laughed, “I look tired.” and pulled under her eyes to make her bags look bigger.

“Have you eaten?” she said.

“I was just thinking about what we could have.”

Panic seized him as they went through the front door.

The flat was different. No toys, no sound of Jake. The image boxes were different too- only photos of them on their wedding day, some with her parents, some with his. He leant against the wall. She had gone into the kitchen, talking.

“Are you Ok?” She said, comically sticking her head out at an angle, looking closely at him.

“You look weird.”

 “I've been a bit sick.” he said.

“I forgot to take a pill this morning.”

 She arched her eyebrows and shook her finger, “You work too hard.”

This was the woman he had been in love with.

 He nodded, smiling, hoping that the shaking that he felt all over his body was only noticeable to him.

She walked toward the shower room, the door sliding open and she raised her hands water instantly turning on.

 “Have a wash. You'll feel better. You’re early sorry – I won’t be too long. A couple of hours-I said I would visit my parents.”

She kissed him on the lips and he barely reciprocated.

“You really are unwell.” she said.

”Have a shower and rest. I’ll be back soon.”

“Jake.” He spoke the question quickly, ignoring his fear. “How is he?”

“Jake? Who’s that? Listen, sorry but I really need to go.”

He couldn’t say a thing. She moved toward him, kissed him on the cheek, held his hand.

“Michael, get some rest. Have a shower.  I’ll be back at night.”

Then, thankfully the door slid shut. He watched her on the screen as she went out onto the street.

 He was sick in the shower room, knowing it was coming he had put music on to drown it out. Shock had gripped him from the moment that he had walked into the hall.

.

He raced through their house, some rooms were different, some similar. There was no trace of Jake. Nothing. Back into the bathroom, tears, some sickness, kneeling on the floor.

 No, oh God, no.

He knelt for a long time, until numbness in his legs forced him to lie on his side. 

 Then, something instinctive, an inspiration borne from his profession. Almost sliding across the floor, he moved towards the jacket he had taken off and discarded until then. He opened the inside pocket, clumsily removing the small package he had taken from Jono’s flat. On the floor pouring out the contents that he had not yet looked at. Something he had seen but had not fully registered.

A book.  The back felt different to the front, soft, as though there was something in it.

The trembling in his right hand slowed him down, he was trying to slide a finger into the narrow opening at the top.

It tore open, a black pouch falling out on to a towel. Trying to ignore the nausea he opened the pouch. This was easier, its contents now spilling. Image cards.  He picked them up. Delicately, he lifted them and wiped the moisture off.

The top one was of Jono’s sister. A bad protocol violation-a compromise of his identity. It was as though he knew he would not be coming back. The next card showed Jono on the end of a group of men, arm in arm.

Then he pulled out another, seeing Jono first – grinning. A sunny day – only wearing shorts, standing on a beach; then beside him, a lady with long blonde hair. Confusion briefly masked recognition.

.

The next image fell out of his hand onto the shower room floor, the water disfiguring the couple. Jono and Nadine. Unable to move for a few moments, until the retching in his stomach stopped, it took a long time for him to be able to stand.

“I’m sorry.” Jono had said.

***

Kane got dressed and walked to the lake. He usually had the path to himself and today was no different. He had walked many times here with Jake. He went near to the water’s edge and sat on one of the rocks. They would skim stones across the lake’s surface here, Jake’s brown eyes intently looking up into his face between throws. Sometimes they would laugh for a long time, other times they would concentrate, in fierce competition. The last time he had just had his 7^th birthday. He was strong for his age.

Kane let tears run down his face and he realized he would stay by the lake for a long time tonight. Tomorrow he would think about what he would do.