Ten Seconds

Ten seconds. That’s all she had. 

The million people packed into the small space created the perfect storm. She didn’t like crowds, the sea of people pressing up against her from all sides made her uncomfortable.

Jeff had been obsessed the past few months, bragging to his business partners and clients that they were flying out to New York to see the ball drop. She was embarrassed every time he announced the staggering rate for their Times Square hotel stay as if somehow it was a good thing, an achievement of some sort rather than an extraordinary waste of money. It never occurred to him to ask her how she felt or if she wanted to go. What she wanted was not a consideration. She was just an extension of him, an accessory.

The five years of their marriage were long enough to turn her life into a nightmare. The attributes that she had admired in Jeff when they first met turned against her after exchanging their vows. His ambition was nothing more than a power hungry aggression. His partners were his competition. His social media accounts a place to display his achievements like trophies on a shelf. She, the beautiful wife on his arm, was nothing more than an addition to his collection of accomplishments.

***

She stood in her high heels with the wind blowing through her sheer skirt, dressed for the image rather than her comfort. She had cringed coming out of the shower seeing the clothes he had laid out on the bed for her. Attempting to change the outfit wasn’t worth the effort as it was a fight she wouldn’t win.

If the camera captured the whole story rather than those carefully orchestrated moments in time his followers would see the latest bruises on her upper arm. After voicing her opinion to his client, he immediately corrected her while sitting with his arm casually looped around her at the restaurant. It was subtle but painful. 

As the ball started its descent into the New Year he held the camera in the air for the iconic selfie. It would be posted before the countdown was over, Sophia knew. For once she was grateful for his narcissism, his predictability of putting himself first. Always the picture of himself followed by the picture of them together. “Smile, Sophia,” he would say, pressing his fingers too deeply into her shoulders or back of the neck. “Smile.” The world saw a smile that lit up the room, but she saw a twisted grimace that had grown more grotesque over the years. 

As he held the phone up grinning into the lens with the ball over his head she knew it was time.

Now. Or. Never.

And Never was not an option.

***

Although earning the same college degree that Jeff had, she was not allowed to pursue her own career.  It did not send the right message he had stated when demanding that she quit her dream job.  She was, however, allowed the ‘charity work’ as he called it on good days versus ‘loser work’ when being nasty.  His clients always took an interest in her volunteering to help women and children, wanting to hear more but understanding her need for discretion. 

Publicly it was another trophy on the shelf, but privately it triggered him.

“You think you’re something special flirting with my clients?” He had shoved her against the wall after the dinner party last month. “You think I don’t know your tricks? Your little games? You’re a loser like those women. A bunch of pathetic bitches.” She was immune to his abuse, his accusations. They had become part of the deal.

Her work was her life, giving hope to the women who found the strength to get out and start over. The day she had walked into the shelter with her bag of expensive clothes was the day her life pivoted. 

Jeff didn’t want her to be seen in the same outfit twice as image was everything he always said. She couldn’t bear to toss or save the clothes, each outfit having its own special story attached to it. The day they got back from their honeymoon when she was told that her cute jeans were too tight, who did she think she was? Her little black dress worn that night of his first big promotion when he had too much to drink. That unforgivable night when his ugly words turned into actions surprising them both with the first angry red mark on her face. 

What she had wanted to do was burn it all, but her upbringing told her to donate it. Seeing the women’s eyes light up when trying on the clothes validated her decision. Those outfits with their private traumatic history came back to life to help provide a future for the women. 

***

One step back. That was the instruction. She did it quickly as she had a span of only ten seconds. One step back in those blasted high heels and the crowd absorbed her spot, closed it up in front of her.

One step back. She did it again, her heart racing wildly. The crowd replaced her instantly leaving no void, no clue that she had ever been there.

One step back. She couldn’t see him anymore, couldn’t hear him. Did he notice? Did he finish his series of selfies and turn to her to capture their moment together? The power couple, the beautiful people celebrating the good life. Smile, Sophia, smile. Not this time. Those few seconds were all she had needed to set the plan in motion, to knock down the first domino.

Keep going. Don’t look back, don’t turn around, don’t look scared, don’t make eye contact. Just keep going.

She was deep into the sea of revelers quickly moving further and further away from him. It was amazingly simple. She had become lost in the crowd.

***

The Sarah B. case had become her obsession, her mission occupying every thought throughout her waking hours. It allowed her to get out of bed each morning despite the words from the previous night hanging in the air replaying over and over becoming the soundtrack of her day. 

Intricate details had been worked out over months until certain there were no flaws in the new identity. The location was carefully scoped, a greeter in place with instructions. The envelope of money, bag of clothes and toiletries were placed strategically as arriving with just the clothes on one’s back was often the case. 

All transactions were paid in cash careful to never leave a paper trail. Their fundraising events brought in staggering amounts but were a drop in the bucket compared to the vast ocean of need. Trying to look like the big man that he wasn’t Jeff had made generous donations in front of clients, starting a chain reaction of open wallets and checkbooks around the dinner table. Her galas and auctions were the perfect networking events for him to pass around his business card and shake hands like a crooked politician while showing off his beautiful wife. The irony was not lost on her that Jeff had supported this very case that had become her heart and soul.

Every domino set with precision and purpose for if one piece was off the entire chain was to fail. And failure was not an option. Not when a life was at stake.

***

The crowd grew manic as the iconic ball reached the end of its journey. Three, two, one, the numbers went backwards along with her steps. Sophia quickened her pace feeling increasingly confident as she turned and made her way through the mob. As the masses screamed Happy New Year and the confetti rained down from the sky she knew she was safe. It was officially New Years Day. “A New Year, A New You,” the fitness slogans promised. For her it was more than a slogan.

She quickly found the designated landmark and went through the double doors of the old hotel. Quite the contrast from the hotel he had booked for them, all glitz and glamour. She approached the modest front desk with aching feet and a winded exhilaration. 

The manager looked up from the computer screen asking, “Can I help you?”

Sophia smiled a real smile and nodded. “Yes.  Sarah B. checking in.”