The many types of intimacy

The many types of intimacy 

They agreed to meet by the Eaton’s Center and walk over to Hokkeida Ramen Restaurant.

 “It’s nice to have someone to eat and drink with before looking for something to eat and drink.

I just deleted everyone from my friends list who I wouldn’t make pancakes at night.”

She added and pulled her chair in.

Her mother laughed.  These were the most moving moments of mother and daughter times together.

Her daughter came bearing the good news. She was happy. Her two best friends whom she had known since high school have been dating. They had kept it a secret in case it didn't work out and they became the cause of discontent among friends. They had been planning to tell everyone on New Year's Eve when they would kiss at midnight before everyone but they had been caught holding hands and entering his basement apartment by his landlord who in turn referred the whole incident to my daughter. 

But as it happens the new couple had their first row, and there were intimacy issues, they had called it quits but then rethought the whole thing and were now trying to work it out.

My daughter was happy and ate a lot of dumplings and downed a lot

 of ramen and bubble tea.. She couldn’t stand erect, she was excited but she could sit

And sat down.

“A strong woman isn’t someone who never cries. A strong woman accepts the situation, learns from her mistakes, and rises again even more powerful.”.

Anna, her friend had discovered that Oliver her new boyfriend was having affairs with other women. She did so by finding a revealing g note in his pocket.

Her daughter knew too well of her friend philandering as he could not keep anything to himself:

‘I have my physical needs “ he would often say”  I just can’t be with just one woman 

especially if the woman does not see sex as a partnership and doesn’t give anything, 

who just lies there like a damned cold corpse.”

He was unequivocal about his sexual wants, he needed to have intercourse often and it had to be a mishmash of things, it had to be deep, intensive, passionate, vicious, witty, and arduous, and he had to have it many women. Real women, experienced…

Anna on the other hand had never been in a relationship;

“I was meant to wait for a boyfriend, but I'm thirty-three. The wait was not meant to be that long” 

“Life is too short “ my daughter often reminded her 

‘Too short to waste time. You don’t want to stay on the tree for too long. Eventually, you will lose your grip, drop to the ground, splitter, go rotten>”

‘People think intimacy is about sex” my daughter says 

‘But intimacy is about truth. When you realize, you can tell someone your truth, when you can show yourself to them, when you stand in front of them and their response is:

 “You are safe with me’ that is intimacy.

“The intimacy of communicating and fixing things together instead of acting immature and letting the ego ruin the beautiful bond you share with some is top tier.”

“I agree,” I told my daughter

“Intimacy in a relationship: is a feeling of being close and emotionally connected and supported. It means being able to show you many ranges of thoughts feelings and experiences.   There are many types of Intimacy in a relationship, physical intimacy being the most common and most commonly used about sex while sex is important in a relationship you can also demonstrate physical intimacy through kissing, holding hands, and cuddling….   Then there is also emotional intimacy where two people share their deepest most personal feelings with another person and as you said earlier, you feel safe and secure enough to share and know that they will be understood, affirmed and cared for.  There is an experiential intimacy where people spend time together and participate in activities together and participate in hobbies. There is spiritual intimacy which could mean something more profound like sharing actual beliefs and values and finally, there is also intellectual intimacy where people share ideas, and opinions, and offer questions to another person. Regardless it’s important that Anna and Oliver share these critical aspects of their lives with each other. .  Intimacy can take time and Anna and Oliver have just started to date, the relationship is still new but it’s worth the work that it takes to go through new experiences together.” I said to my daughter 

“And while we are on the subject of intimacy what book are you reading at the present?”

“I’m revisiting The Catcher in the Rye” by J. D. Salinger.” she answered, “  The book is currently being banned in the U.S. Censorship, changing definitions and rewriting history are now the new  book burning!”

‘Oh yes The Catcher in the Rye, I remember reading the book in high school.

Help me refresh my memory what was that about again?”

“The novel” My Daughter Offered ‘ is narrated by Holden Caulfield a discontented teenager who recounts a few days in his life after being expelled from a prestigious prep school. The story captures Holden’s profound sense of alienation and disillusionment 

As he navigates the complexities of adolescence.  He grapples with feelings of confusion and a deep-seated desire for authenticity in a world he perceives as filled with “Phonies.  Throughout his journey in New York City, Holden seeks connection and understanding reflecting the universal struggle of young people to find their place in society.”

“Oh yes I remember now, Holden’s dream of being the “Catcher in the Rye” a protector of children’s innocence symbolizing his longing to shield others from the harsh realities of adulthood.  But why is it being banned?”

“Who knows, parents and government seek to have more say in what is taught in school and the material they are reading in general.. It’s a difficult time for the literary world many books, and classics are being banned for some reason or another. Though the act of destroying books is condemned by the majority of the world’s societies book burning still occurs on a small or large scale.  Here read this “my daughter says as she hands me her  cell phone:

 “Is book burning still practised today? “ I read on Google

“Over the past few years, public school boards and state government across the United States have turned their focus to restricting specific books from being taught in their classroom and circulating in school libraries. Books about sexual identity, sexual activity, gender identity tity, and racial identity have been especially targeted.

Capitilizing in parental concerns, both locals and state politicians have advocated for the removal of certain books from schools, libraries and curricula. Amidst banning books burning have also grown in number.”.

Both my daughter and I wondered if burning a book can ever be justified. Burning a book for censorship purposes never really works, does it? It draws attention to the book, someone always manages to save a copy. It’s kind of a performative censorship, ineffective in real terms. Books burning is an expression of destroying ideas. Education however cannot be replaced by anything else because its goal is to enlighten and to bring about inner changes in people. Expressing hatred towards writers and books is a departure from correct education.”

“That is the point, it’s not correct education, people have a right to knowledge however uncomfortable it may be, moral or amoral and even if it be offensive, it is still revealing.”

“I generally oppose censorship,” I told my daughter “ People are not forced to read anything they don’t want to find offensive guns as far as I am concerned kill children and people. not books.  It’s about freedom again and people should be allowed and help themselves to all kinds of literature that everything is good to know including the presence of evil or how would we acknowledge the difference between right and wrong..

My eyes met my daughter’s eyes as we sat frankly questioning these times, fearing, both carrying the pain.

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