The Year He Left

I didn’t know this would be the year. The year Dad passed away after battling his disease after all these years. I knew it was getting bad, but I didn’t really process what that would mean when it actually happened. He’s gone, and I have to celebrate the holidays without him. How? All I can think about is the things he loved, him smiling in the chair wearing his Vikings pajamas. Waiting for his favorite foods from grandma. I can’t do it. I pull into my grandparent’s home, where we all gather every holiday, but I can’t.

My grandpa is in the window waving when I throw the truck into reverse and drive out the way I came. I can’t look at their sad faces. Not today. I drive for a while before I realize where I’m going, it’s dark now, the dinner rush in full swing within my dad’s favorite restaurant. I cut the engine and lean back in my chair, this feels right. I’ll go and have the meal he loves and just be alone, thinking of him.

I go in and get to the front desk. The young lady at the host station brightens, barely looking up from the seating chart screen in front of her, “Good evening! Do you have a reservation?”

I shift my hands into my pockets, “No, just a table for one, please.”

Her face scrunches up searching the tables on the screen, “Hmmm, given it’s Christmas Eve, we are pretty booked. Let me see what I can find.”

I wait, glancing around at the tables in the lobby. Every one of them is filled with people. An elderly couple hold hands across the table sipping from their wine glasses and whispering to each other. A family of four is trying to keep the toddler from throwing her food all over the floor. And a woman about my age, I would guess, sits alone looking at her glass. The table is set for one. The opposite side empty, no plate or glass.

“I’m sorry, we are completely booked. The soonest I could get you in is in 3 hours, would you like me to put your name down?” She looks at me expectantly, but she should damn well know I’m not going to sit around for that amount of time.

“No. I think I see someone I know. Thanks.” She immediately glances to the person behind me.

“Great. Do you have a reservation?”

I move into the lobby and approach the woman sitting alone. “Excuse me, I know this is a little out of nowhere, but would you mind if I join you?” She looks up from her glass, sadness I feel in my bones shining through her eyes. I continue before she can shoot me down, “I promise to just sit, we can enjoy a meal in silence. We don’t need to talk about the holiday or why we are here alone. Just be in each other’s presence. Honestly, I just want, no need, to be here tonight and don’t want to wait three hours for a table.” I don’t usually ramble, but I feel the need to explain, so I hopefully don’t have to go somewhere else.

She blinks at me a few times before answering, “Alright, no holiday talk, no deep dives into our lives. You have a deal.” She waves to the seat across from her for me to sit, and looks back at the waiter to have him bring a menu.

“Thank you. My name’s Liam, and you are?” I hold my hand out to her, she gently places the tips of her perfectly manicured fingers in my palm.

“Lesley.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Lesley. Thank you again for sharing your space with a stranger.”

“We’re all strangers, until we’re not.” She swirls her glass, looking up at me through red rimmed eyes.

I nod, Dad would have enjoyed her, I smile and shake my head.

“What is it?” She asks.

“Oh, sorry. It’s nothing really.”

“No, tell me. We aren’t strangers anymore, so we should try to talk about something while we wait for our food.” Maybe it’s her sadness that looks a lot my own, or something else. But I decide to tell her a little.

“I was just thinking my dad would have enjoyed meeting you.” I pause and look towards the elderly couple holding hands and giggling, “He just passed away two months ago.” Looking towards her, she’s just taking it in, no pity, it’s refreshing. “This was his favorite restaurant, that’s why I decided to come here tonight. But there weren’t any tables, thus why I’m here with you.”

She nods, “Well, I guess we should get another round for your dad then. And his favorite dessert later.”

I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. A weight lifted off my shoulders. Yeah, he would have liked being here tonight.

A few drinks later, dinner gone, and dessert on the way, we were smiling and laughing. Talking about movies, sports, and the new terrible music being released lately. It’s been the best decision to avoid the tradition and possibly start a new one.

“What are you thinking about?” Lesley asks.

I let out a breath and run a hand through my hair, “Just that this might be my new Christmas Eve tradition.” I look around at the dim lights mixed with the side wall covered in plants. Booths covered in a pillowy cushion making the entire room feel homey and inviting.

She smiles, matching my gaze around the room. “Yeah, I think I’d like that. If you’d enjoy the company each year, anyway?”

“I’d love that.”

Thirty years later and this is still my favorite tradition. As my wife, dressed in a red dress with a black coat climbs from our car. I hold her hand and walk her to the front door, where we are immediately seated at our yearly reservation. The same table where we met all those years ago. My dad bringing us together, so I wasn’t left alone.