Love Shared in Madness

Note: This story does contain some physical / mental abuse, and gaslighting.

“Do I know you?”

Duncan leans his head back against the wall. The chill of the room seeps up through his feet and back. It keeps him alert, despite the intense need to drift into any other world of thought but this. He grips his hands together in hopes that the blood flow might get cut off. Let’s see how the Doctor likes that.

Blue, that’s what the kid was going by now, had left with the Doctor minutes ago. He prayed the other man would take Blue back to the group that brought him here. Anywhere was better than this room. But how would he know? Lot of good eyes that don’t work do. Duncan can’t even recall what Blue looks like, not that it matters. A shame he can’t see him now.

“I thought you said there’d been a raid.”

Duncan’s body stiffens at the low voice. The Doctor had snuck up on him while his mind had been elsewhere. Leaving him caught off guard, unprepared.

“I didn’t say they were dead,” Duncan mutters as he slowly gets up. He puts his weight on the wall, listening to footsteps. They grow closer, the sounds vibrating inside the small space. Duncan does not move from his spot, waiting until he feels the warm breath of the other graze his nose.

“You were so desperate that night,” the Doctor presses a hand to the side of his neck. He likes to do that, feel Duncan’s heart beat through his skin. Trying his best to stay still, Duncan relaxes his heart. The rapid beating of the organ only spurs the other on. Like a child who just discovered the thrill of crushing ants with rocks. “You said you’d do anything. Anything at all, if I would just save them.”

“But you didn’t,” Duncan tries to push further into the wall. The pressure of the other’s presence is suffocating. The terror of that night will not stop playing in the back of his eyes. “You didn’t even try.”

The Doctor pulls away abruptly, leaving Duncan cold and alone. Panic sets in as he desperately listens to hear the other’s footsteps and breathing. There was nothing though, nothing at all. Duncan presses his lips shut begging himself to not make any sound that would reveal his distress. He slowly reaches a hand out as if asking for the other to return to his side. In a way Duncan is asking the Doctor to come back.

“Doctor?”

He takes a step forward and then another step. The beating of his heart dwells at the sound of clinking. The Doctor was just getting a drink, Duncan shoves his fear away and walks carefully towards the sink. His foot grazes the chip in the tile that tells him the sink is just diagonal to him.

Duncan opens his mouth but is cut off when his body is shoved violently to the ground. A pained gasp tears past his throat, his body shaking as hands grab his arms and pin him there. He can’t move, the Doctor does not like it when he tries to move away. So Duncan lays limp as the other sits atop of him, effectively trapping him.

“You know that boy.”

Duncan knows it wasn’t a question but a clear statement. Blue had managed to get lost in the new bunker and had come across Duncan. The first in a year to find him and the Doctor’s hiding stop.

“I don’t kno-.”

“Don’t lie to me,” the Doctor hisses through his teeth, the hands gripping harder. Duncan grunts as the pressure builds in his chest. “You know I don’t like it when you lie to me.”

“I know.”

“Then why are you doing it?”

“I-I’m not lying.”

The Doctor lifts him an inch and slams his upper body back down. The impact on the back of his head leaves ringing in his ears. His head feels like it was just cracked in two, but Duncan knows better than to hope for that. The Doctor, despite all his faults and rage, was meticulous. No injury was permanent or life threatening.

Just your eyes.

“I’m sorry,” the Doctor rubs a soothing cream onto the back of Duncan’s head. All he can do is sit still as the other tends to the wounds which he himself inflicted. At least he fixes it each time. Duncan couldn’t say the same for the people he used to know. Always bringing disaster to those around them without so much as a glance in the victims’ direction. “I didn’t mean to throw you that hard. My anger just got to me.”

“I know,” Duncan reaches out to grasp at the Doctor’s face. He misses by an inch, instead his fingers graze the other’s eyebrow. He feels the Doctor gently lean into the touch. The warmth he provides washes over Duncan’s cold limbs, so wonderful that he wants to cry. But crying isn’t for right now. Right now, the Doctor wishes to comfort him and to be comforted. “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have lied to you I just-.”

“I know,” the Doctor cuts him off and removes his hand. “You didn’t think you’d ever see them again. Can’t exactly blame you for not being able to see the future.”

Duncan nods as his body sags into the other. The Doctor happily reaches around and pulls him into an embrace. Sleep sounds so wonderful to him, Duncan prays that he can just go to bed after all this bullshit.

“Would you like for Blue to visit?”

And now he’s more awake than ever. Duncan jolts away and looks upward to where he’s hoping is the man’s face.

“Seriously?”

“Of course,” the Doctor scoffs. “The poor boy practically begged me to see you again. And you’ve honestly been so wonderful these past couple months. I figure having a playmate would do you some good. Not to mention I’ll be more preoccupied with the new group now.”

“Oh thank you!” Duncan reaches up with his hands to grab the Doctor’s face. He hears and feels the other laugh as he searches for his cheek with his lips. Kiss after kiss, Duncan all but smothers the other man in them. His happiness and gratitude in each peck, the Doctor pulls him closer and offers a cheek to him each time. Because the Doctor knows that he deserves Duncan’s love and appreciation, just as Duncan knows he himself deserves to love the man who saved him-

Blinded him!

Saved him.

Imprisoned him!

Loved him. Duncan knows the Doctor better than anyone after all, and the Doctor loves him.