Party Girl - Inspired by Shakespeare's "Twelfth Night"

CHARACTER NOTE: When Violet/Vincent speak, they are voicing Vi’s inner thoughts. Vi should be the only one reacting to anything they say.

Scene 1

(Spotlight up: Vi, alone down center, holding a backpack and facing forward as if looking in a mirror)

Vi: …

Violet: (offstage) Damn. I’ve certainly looked better. No makeup, no earrings… What are they going to think of me if I show up like this? 

(Vi turns to the side and makes a muscle, slightly smiling)

Vincent: (offstage) You gotta admit the T is working wonders, though. These biceps almost make the whole “Mom and Dad kicking me out” thing worth it. Hehe…

Vi: Okay, Vi. You can do this. You’re moving in with Syb, and she’s the best! She’d never abandon you… right? (weary pause) 

(their phone rings) Oh, shoot– Heyyy bestieeee– 

Vincent: (approaching from stage right) Bestie? Twink alert!

Vi: Right, no, yeah. I’m ready whenever you are. … Okay, I’m on my way down. See you in a bit. Bye.

Violet: (approaching from stage left while Vi rummages through their bag) Okay, she’ll be here soon but that doesn’t mean I can't blob on some mascara // before I go…

Vincent: /Oh sweet Jesus don’t put on the // mascara-

Violet: /Mascara is subtle! What, I’m not allowed to feel pretty anymore? Be glad it’s not a full face // like I used to do!

Vincent: /What am I trying to prove? Seb accepts me for who I am, and I'm not some girly girl anymore. I’m like… A whole man.

(Violet and Vincent glare at each other, Vi sits in front of the mirror.)

Vi: It doesn’t make you a girl. (They raise the mascara to their face, then quickly change their mind and shove it back in the bag. All 3 exit left.)

Scene 2

(Lights up, two bedrooms separated by a wall)

(On stage left, Olive/Felix are sitting on her bed)

Felix: I dunno, sis. All I’m saying is, he’s hot. I know you’re a girl’s girl, but it could be worth just giving him a chance?

Olive: He’s not my type, Felix. In more ways than one. You know this.

Felix: Hey if you won’t, I will. (Posing for snapchat) I bet I could dress in drag and he’d never know the difference.

Olive: He’d never stand a chance against “Felicia”.

(Both laugh and try different poses together while Vi/Vincent/Violet walk into the bedroom on stage right)

Violet: I can’t believe she’d ditch me for some random guy! HELLO, I’m in crisis here!

Vi: It’ll be fine. She’ll be back tonight, and then, who knows? (phone rings) Oh, hey Syb. 

Felix: Ya know, I heard there’s a mixer tonight across campus. Could be fun..?

Vi: A mixer? I don’t know, Syb. I don’t even go here. Plus, 

Vi/Olive: I don’t really feel like going out tonight.

Felix: Oh, come on, Olive. You never have any fun, I really think you should just loosen up and give it a shot. Besides, I’ll need my wingwoman if I don’t want to go home alone!

Vi: Sybil, I really don’t feel comfortable pretending to be a student here. 

Olive: You are so desperate, you know that?

Felix: Pleeeeease?

Vi/Olive: Ugh… Fine. I’ll go.

Felix: WOOT! I’m gonna go get ready. I’ll meet you there, kay?

Vi: I’m only going to be around people, okay? Maybe I’ll meet someone who isn’t dripping with conservatism. 

Vi/Olive: Talk to you later. (Olive starts reluctantly getting ready, makeup/hair etc)

Violet: Omg. A party!? I haven’t been to a party in so long. What am I gonna wear? I didn’t pack anything to wear, oh my god I’m gonna look like such a bum-

Vincent: I’ve got it covered. Classic binder/tank-top combo. Ladies love these biceps.

Vi: Shit. I can’t pass here. (they look over at Sybil’s vanity, and hold up a wig) Hmm…

Vincent: Oh my god, no.

Violet: Oh my god, YES!

Vi: sigh. Okay, Vi. Time for some drag.

(Blackout.)

Scene 3

(Lights up, background pop music and random people mingling. Olive looks uncomfy on one end of a couch, while Felix chats with someone on the other end.)

(Vi enters wearing a wig, makeup, and cute party dress) 

Violet: I look fantastic. Just look at this place, all eyes on me, slaying the day away.

Vincent: This is a nightmare. Are my boobs too boob-y? God, I’m gonna crawl into a hole and die.

Vi: (sits next to the couch, near Olive) Oh, Syb. What’d you get me into?

Olive: Sorry?

Vi: Oh! Um, nothing. 

Violet/Vincent: Whoah. She’s cute.

Olive: Oh. I thought you were introducing yourself… Sorry, I’m really awkward at parties.

Vincent: She’s really cute.

Vi: Oh, no, you’re fine! Um, I was. Actually. I’m… Sybil. You can call me Syb.

Violet/Vincent: Wait, what?

Olive: (Shaking their hand) Hi Syb. I’m Olive.

Vi: That’s such a cute name!

Vincent: Sweet baby Jesus I’m going to die of embarrassment. 

Olive: Aww, thank you! My birth name is actually Olivia, but it didn’t really…

Vi: Fit?

Olive: Exactly. 

(Felix glances at them, waves away the boy he’s talking to, scoots over on the couch)

Felix: G’day, ladies. (Vincent and Vi visibly cringe)

Olive: Hi you. Weren’t you just flirting with that guy from Calc II?

Felix: I’m keeping my options open. Wanna introduce me to your friend?

Olive: Oh, yes. This is Sybil. Syb, this is Felix. He’s a senior.

Vi: Hi there. I’m a… Junior. I think.

Olive: Me too! What are you majoring in?

Vi: Um… 

Violet: What does Syb major in? She’s, like, super smart. Bio chem or something.

Vincent: Dude I am not smart enough to pretend that I’m a biochem major.

Vi: I’m going into education. I want to teach high school drama.

Olive: That sounds amazing! 

Felix: Slay, we always need better teachers. 

Vi: Yeah? My parents thought it was kinda lame… Wanted me to go into biochem like my sister.

Olive: I feel you. I’m a music performance major. You can imagine how my parents took that one, considering my brother is a lawyer.

Vincent: She is so into me.

Violet: She seems so sweet.

Vi: Well I think, sometimes, parents don’t know exactly what is best for their kids. It’s better to follow your heart, you know?

Felix: So true.

Olive: … I completely agree. (she smiles warmly)

Orlando: (entering, clearly a little tipsy) OLIVE! So glad I found youuuu, you’re just the girl I wanted to see.

Olive: Oh, hi. Syb, this is-

Orlando: Oliiiiiiive you gotta introduce me to your little friend. (sticking out his hand) Bonsoir, madame. My name is Orlando, and I’m slightly intoxicated.

Violet: He is so Syb’s type.

Vincent: Totally. I could hang with this guy. 

Vi: Hi there. I’m Syb.

Orlando: Syb! Syb… What's that short for? Sybastian? 

Vincent: Sybastian. I like it. 

Vi: Ah, no. My full name is Sybil. 

Orlando: I like you, Sybastian. You seem spunky. Let’s go get you a drink!

Vi: Oh, um- (gets dragged away by Orlando)

Felix: Oh girl, you are so screwed.

Olive: Hmm?

Felix: Come on, sis. I saw the sparkies. You are so gay for her.

Olive: You, sir, need to 1) keep your voice down, and 2) open your eyes. She’s very cute, but clearly straight.

Felix: I dunno, there’s something queer there. I feel like she’s a chocolate orange you gotta crack open. Go crack her open!

Olive: You, are clearly drunk. Stay here while I go get some water, and please behave yourself.

Orlando: (down stage right, pouring a drink) So, Syb. How come I haven’t seen you around before?

Vi: I’m not sure. I’ve… been around.

Orlando: Fair, fair. I’ve had my heart set on Olive this whole semester, makes sense I haven’t been paying much attention to the remaining female population.

Vi: Oh, I see-

Orlando: I don’t get it, Sybastian. 

Vi: Sybil.

Orlando: Sybil. She’s perfect! She’s pretty and sweet, and her voice! Dude, she’s so talented. And I’m, like, Broski #27 to her. I just want to be looooved, man! Why doesn’t she love meeeee????

Violet: It’s giving Ross Gellar.

Vincent: You know, he and Syb would be two peas in a pod.

Vi: Maybe she’s not into you like that? Maybe she just likes you as a friend.

Orlando: But why!? I’m a handsome man, aren’t I? 

Vincent: I feel you, brother.

Vi: Sure! Um, I don’t, uh…

Olive: (approaching) Hey, guys. Don’t mind me, just trying to find some water. Is there anything non-alcoholic here?

Orlando: Olive, this girl you brought is so cool. She’s like, super cool.

Violet: So true, I look fabulous right now.

Vincent: Please. This makeup is basically woman-repellant. 

Violet: Hey, femmes exist.

Vi: Oh, we’re not together. I mean, we didn’t come together. I mean, we’re together now, as in standing together, but we didn’t, um, I, excuse me. (awkwardly moves back over to their chair)

Vincent: Very smooth.

Orlando: What was that about?

Olive: Not sure. She seems nice, though.

Orlando: And hot.

Olive: Yeah…

(awkward beat)

Orlando: Welp! Back into the fray. Call me, okay? (exits)

Olive: Sure thing, Orlando. 

(Olive walks back to the couch, where Felix now lays half-asleep)

Olive: (to Vi) Hey, you okay?

Vi: Honestly? No, not really.

Olive: I’m sorry. I know Orlando can be a lot, but he’s really sweet once you get to know him.

Vi: No, no, it’s not him. He was sweet. He seems really into you.

Olive: Oh, yeah. He’s… not really my type.

Vi/Vincent/Violet: Oh?

Olive: I just mean.. He’s a little.. Boyish. For me.

Vi: I see.

Olive: I don’t mean that he’s too much of a boy, I like boys. Boys are great. Testosterone! Am I right? So great.

Vincent: She’s got a point, testosterone is great.

Olive: It’s just that I’m more into, uh, different kind of… people. He’s just very…

Vi: Straight?

Olive: What?

Vi: I mean uh he seems kind of straight, not meaning not-gay but meaning normal, not that being straight is being normal! I mean he, um –

Olive: No, you’re right. 

(beat)

Vi: … My parents kicked me out.

Olive: What?

Vi: It wasn’t Orlando that bothered me. I know how you feel, with the whole “parental disapproval”, “I don’t feel normal” kind of thing. My parents kind of disowned me before I came here. 

Olive: Oh.

Vi: Because I’m queer.

Olive: … Oh.

Vincent: Shit bro why did I say that, she’s totally freaked out // now–

Violet: / No no, she’s fine. I’m fine! 

Vincent: Oh god, I’m dressed as a woman, going around telling people I’m queer. Am I drunk? I must be drunk.

Violet: I haven’t had any alcohol. Jeezums I need to turn off the dude-bro side of my brain.

Vincent: Hey!

Olive: Me too.

Violet/Vincent: Holy shit.

Vi: I’m sorry?

Olive: I’m… also queer. I mean, I use that word because there isn’t really a “good term” for me. I’m kinda like pansexual, for everyone but cishet men.

Vi/Violet/Vincent: Oh. 

Olive: (panicking) Oh god, I don’t know why I just told you that. I haven’t told anyone except Felix, even my parents don’t know, it’s just you seemed like you’d get it and you’re really easy to talk to and I thought maybe there was a vibe but I don’t want to seem like I’m only telling you this to get into your pants, I mean dress, I mean-

Vi: (putting their hand over Olive’s) Hey. It’s okay. I get it.

(pause where they just sit there holding hands)

Vincent: Oh shit.

Violet: I know! I’m holding hands with a pretty girl at a party!

Vincent: No, dude. Oh Shit, she thinks I’m Syb.

Violet/Vi: Oh shit.

Olive: What is it?

Vi: I’m so sorry, I… I need to go.

Olive: What?

Vi: I can’t do this, not like this, I mean-

Vincent/Violet: (at different speeds) Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck -

Vi: I just have to go. I’m so sorry. 

Olive: Wait, Syb, I’m sorry! Please don’t go.

Vi: I’ll talk to you later, okay? Just, um… Here. (scribbles on a nearby notepad) That’s my number, just give me a call tomorrow.

Olive: Okay, but… Syb, I just wanted to-

Vi: (hurriedly walking away) Call me!

(Vi/Violet/Vincent exit. All three are muttering curse words under their breath as they leave. Olive sits still, stunned.)

Felix: (waking up) Auuhhhnmf… What happened? Did you kiss? You totally kissed didn’t you-

Ollie: Nothing. (sighs) Let’s get you home, okay? You can sleep in my dorm tonight, it’s closer. (both exit, lights out)

Scene 4

(Lights up, same as Scene 2.)

Vi: (rushing in with Violet/Vincent) Oh God. Oh God. Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Shit. Fucking AAAAAAAAAAAAA- // -AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH-

Violet: / You know, I really should start seeing a therapist.

Vincent: Agreed.

Vi: What was I thinking? 

Vincent: I mean I was thinking “Pretty girl go brrr” but-

Violet: I was thinking the same thing.

Vi: What was I thinking!? Dressing up like Syb is one thing, but impersonating her! Introducing myself, as her! Gods, I have so royally fucked up.

Vincent: Aaaand I’m still wearing her clothes.

Vi: UGH! (rips off wig) 

Violet: This feels like PMS. Do I still get PMS if I’m on T?

Vincent: You know I think it might actually be worse now, ‘cause of all the hormones?

Violet: (“I don’t know” shrug) Mm-mm-mm.

Vi: Okay, okay. I can fix this. I just need to be honest with her. She seemed to really like me… But, shit. I don’t look like that on a regular basis.

Vincent: True, normally I look hotter.

Vi: What if she only liked me because I had makeup on and looked super femme? I mean sure, I like to glam up a bit here and there, but I’m no Disney princess! What if I’m not her type? What if she isn’t even into people like me? Fuck, what was it she said… 

Vincent: I dunno man, I got lost in her eyes like 15 seconds into the conversation.

Violet/Vi: “Kinda like pansexual, for everyone but cishet men.”

Vi: Right. It’s less about the gender, and more about the person. (sighs) Why am I even thinking about this right now? I have so many other things to be worried about, I just… ugh.

Olive: (walking into her room with Felix) …and that’s about it. It was so strange, I thought we were hitting it off. I guess I screwed everything up.

Felix: (drinking water) It’s not your fault, hun. You could be the first girl who’s ever shown interest in her. That’s scary for baby gays!

Olive: But we didn’t fool around or anything, we just talked. I feel like I said too much.

(Knock from offstage. Olive walks to “open door”, Orlando and Syb enter)

Syb: Hey, sorry to barge in but I found this guy wandering the halls on my way back to my room. Said he was looking for someone named Olive, is that you? He knew your room number so I brought him here. 

Orlando: (drunk) Olive! Sybastian has been brilliant at helping me find you, though she’s acting kinda weird… NEVERTHELESS! I’ve come to ask you something.

Olive: Wait, stop.

Orlando: Will you pretty please go out // with me?

Olive: / No! No, I’m sorry Orlando but I just see you as a friend.

Orlando: Oh.

Syb: Yikes. I’m just gonna get back to my sibling… 

Olive: Wait! I’m so confused, Syb, you left the party in such a rush and now you’re here? I don’t understand. 

Syb: I’m sorry, what?

Olive: I didn’t mean to offend you earlier. Can we please just talk?

Syb: I mean this without judgment, but I genuinely have no idea what you’re talking about.

Orlando: I told you she was acting weird. Sybby why so confuzzling?

Syb: Dude, what is happening? I’ve never seen any of you in my life. If you’ll excuse me, I need to get back to my sibling. They need me, they’re going through some shit and I’m the only family they have right now.

Olive: (beat) Wait. What do they look like?

Syb: They’re my… twin… (pause) Oh god I’m going to kill them.

Felix: Help, totally lost over here.

Orlando: Same bro, same.

Syb: Olive, right? Follow me.

(All 4 exit)

Vi: (on their phone) Hey Syb, are you here yet? … Huh? … I’m in your room, why? … Uh, no. I ended up staying in. Didn’t really feel like- What? What are you talking about?

Syb: (walking in with Olive/Felix/Orlando) aHA! (hanging up) You DID use my James Charles palette!

Vi: Oh my god.

Vincent/Violet: Oh my god.

Olive: Hi.

(awkward pause, everyone just staring at each other)

Orlando: Bro… Why are there two Sybastians? And why is one of them a hot girl and the other looks like their name is actually Sybastian?

Felix: I’m gonna just… Take him… Home. You guys have fun. (Exits with Orlando)

Syb: He thinks I’m hot? I’ll go with them. (Exits after them)

Vincent: Bro I am so fucked.

Violet: How is she so pretty even with that weird look on her face?

Vi: Olive, I’m so… (sighs) I should’ve told you. It’s just, I didn’t know how anyone would react to me, as I am. Being Syb just helped me blend in. I didn’t mean to lie to you, I just, fuck, I… I-

Olive: Hey. It’s okay. (taking Vi’s hand) I get it. 

(beat) 

Just, um… Tell me your real name?

Vi: (chuckles) I’m Vi.

Olive: Vi. I like it. (smiling at each other) So, are you sticking around for a while?

Vi: I think so, yeah.

Olive: Good. Call me. (She kisses Vi on the cheek and exits)

(beat)

Vincent/Violet/Vi: Yes. (Vi flops onto the bed. Blackout.)