A Library of Faces

“Come on then, boy. You wouldn’t want to be late on your first day of volunteering, now. The principal was lucky enough to give you one more chance, although I wouldn’t know why he would spare a misfit like you.”

To be honest, Lucian didn’t know, either. He didn’t need to be told these words over and over again. Once was enough. “Troublemaker”, “misfit”, “disappointment” - he was tired of it. He ignored the counsellor’s words, didn’t care enough to answer.

Today was the day that he would “redeem himself”, apparently. And ostensibly, volunteering at the library fifteen minutes away from his boarding school seemed like the perfect idea.

He sighed, looking into his watch and looking at the time.

3:45 pm.

Great. His shift started at around 4:00 pm and ended at, what, 6pm? Two whole hours volunteering at a place full of dusty books, ancient librarians, and bored retirees mulling over crossword puzzles.

Lucian found himself standing in front of a short, green-gray building which he knew was the library. It had somewhat of a cozy exterior. Warm, pale pink curtains completed with pretty rose flowers could be seen through the window. It seemed like the type of place to be playing cheesy music. He never visited the library (figures). He stepped through the intricately-carved door.

“I will come back here at 6:00 pm, on the dot. Be ready and pack up accordingly. I’m not going to waste my time giving you a lecture on what to do. Try not to get into trouble, and follow orders, just for once.” And with that, the counsellor left, much to Lucian’s delight.

For a split second, he debated on whether to actually volunteer at the library, or to skip and go for ice cream (he had a weakness for a good Rocky Road). Unfortunately, it would be too late to do that - he heard the door creak open and a head of fluffy white hair poke out.

Ah. This must be the librarian, he thought, observing the old lady. She looked frail, like most old people, with light brown eyes and white hair that stretched down till her shoulders. She trundled towards him, coming unbearably close. He could smell her sticky-sweet breath. Oh no.

“Oh, you must be the young man that Willowbrook Academy sent for us!” She smiled, clasping her hands in his. “Remind me of your name again?”

“…Lucian.”

“Oh that’s quite the name for a dashing young gentleman! Come in, come in, let me give you a tour of our library! It’s really quite charming!”

“Okay.”

She dragged him into the library, closing the door behind her in a satisfactory manner.

The library was, in fact, just how he had pictured it. It wasn’t necessarily empty. There were quite a few elderly people there, one or two adults, most likely in their mid-twenties, and a couple of teenagers. Probably also volunteers. The library was filled with tall wooden shelves and glowed with a soft golden light. A fireplace was placed in between a few cozy armchairs, and the smell of old books lingered in the air.

The librarian, Vera, as she introduced herself as much later, was showing him around the library, although there wasn’t much to see. “Here’s where you will be working for the rest of the week.” She proudly pointed across at a set of books that were messily sprawled across shelves of wood. “Your first task will be arranging that set of books! Make sure to arrange them alphabetically, and categorize them based on genres. Most people here make a mess.”

Lucian sighed, tousling his fluffy brown hair.

“Got it.”

“Great!” Vera chirped, “And once again, I really do appreciate you coming to help out. May the gods bless you!”

And with that, she walked away.

Just as Lucian was mentally preparing himself to summon up the will for a painfully boring few hours, a soft voice rang out to him from one of the armchairs.

“Excuse me, dear…can you please help me out here?”

Lucian craned his neck to see where the voice was coming from, catching sight of a small figure seated in a beige armchair. He sighed, rolling his eyes before coming to see what she wanted.

“What can I do for you?” He asked in a monotone voice

“Would you mind helping me find a book? It was a lovely shade of blue, with a few stars on the cover.”

Well, shit. Lucian didn’t know what book she was just talking about - he just got here!

“Dear, are you feeling alright? You look a bit lost.” She squinted her eyes at him.

“Uh, yeah” he replied awkwardly. “Let’s go find your book, I guess.”

“Thank you, love!” She gave a warm smile and shakily got up from her chair.

Lucian followed her as she wove in and out through some of the shelves, muttering something about “fiction” or maybe “fantasy” - he couldn’t tell. He trailed well behind her, arms crossed and gaze wandering. They had reached a somewhat secluded section of the library, with barely anyone wandering around - just them two.

“It had stars on the cover… and a dark blue suede jacket…I was reading it last time. I don’t recall the name.”

Lucian nodded half-heartedly. He wasn’t really paying attention.

The old lady stopped talking and turned around, observing him for a few seconds. Not really saying anything, just keeping her pale eyes on him.

Why is she looking at me like that, thought Lucian, thoroughly creeped out by her adamantine gaze.

Before he broke the silence, she got it to it first

“You know, you seem familiar, somehow. Have we met before?”

“What?” Lucian replied, caught off guard. He was pretty sure he didn’t remember seeing someone so…different from what he was used to, from his childhood. “I don’t think so. Maybe you’re thinking of someone else.”

“Oh.” She gave a small laugh. “You just remind me of someone…Maybe it’s the hair. Or the eyes. Or the way you look like you’d rather be anywhere but here.”

That made him smirk, just slightly.

“Accurate.”

She smiled sweetly “What’s your name?”

“Lucian,” he replied.

“I see.” She looked at him more closely. “What’s your last name, Lucian?”

“ Ah, I didn’t realize this was an interrogation, ma’am.”

She chuckled. “Oh, no it’s not like that. I knew a small boy years ago with the same name as you, and I was very close with his grandmother.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Was?”

“Oh yes, ‘was’. Her name was Eliza. Eliza Winthrope. We were very close, like siblings, almost, Eliza and me. People always used to say to us: ‘Eliza and Agnes, two peas in a pod.’ Unfortunately, she passed away a long time ago. She had a grandson, and his name was also Lucian, so I suppose I got mixed up. You really do look like her though.” She chuckled softly. “Same eyes and frown.”

Lucian didn’t know what to say. He didn’t remember much about his grandmother. She died when he was a child. Even so, he didn’t remember nothing. She used to take him for walks in the park, and would take care of him when his parents would just leave him home alone for another business trip. He could remember the smell of warm, gooey brownies and the way her eyes crinkled when she smiled. She would visit the library often, and would always bring him back a couple of books about space, when he wanted to become an astronomer as a kid, even though he wouldn’t always read them.

Snap out of it! His mind scolded him. He didn’t like to think about all this emotional stuff, it made him feel nostalgic, and weird.

He blinked.

“I see. Did she ever mention anything about her grandson?” He asked, mostly out of curiosity.

The woman, now introduced as Agnes, started walking in short strides, presumably continuing to look for her book. Oh god, was she still looking for that damn book?

“Yes. It was all she could talk about sometimes. He was the light of her life. His parents were barely home so she would always take care of him and borrow books from the library for him. I remember he was very interested in becoming an astronaut.” She paused.

Lucian’s throat suddenly felt dry and prickly and he did not like this feeling. Not one bit.

“Dear? Are you alright” Agnes asked, looking at him worriedly.

“Y-yeah.”

Agnes looked at him closely. Realisation dawned in her eyes.

“You are her grandson, aren’t you?”

“I-” His voice trembled, unable to complete the sentence.

“Oh sweetheart, I’m so sorry.”

He wiped his nose on his jacket sleeve. “It’s fine.”

Agnes put a hand on his shoulder and didn’t say anything.

They stood like that for a moment, taking in the smell of the books and the eerie silence in their secluded area of the library. It was heartbreakingly peaceful.

Lucian stared at the floor, wondering why he even volunteered in the first place. He should’ve just ditched and got some ice cream.

“You don’t have to talk about anything if you don’t want to. I’ll be right here.”

He looked at her in surprise. He didn’t expect this kind of warmth from someone he barely knew. He wasn’t used to the idea of someone comforting him.

“Why are you helping me out so much? I mean, I know you and my grandma were close.” He took a deep breath, “But, I barely even know you.”

She smiled softly.

“I know you, though, Lucian. I was there for your birth. I was there when you spoke your first word. I was there when you were looking at the stars in the dark night, the day your grandmother gifted you a telescope for your birthday. You may not know me, but I know you, and I’m here right now.”

“I…” He sighed and straightened up shakily. “Thank you.”

He rubbed his eyes.

“Thanks” he repeated.

She smiled, patting him on the back. “Now let’s go and find that book.”

“Okay.”

Later, when his volunteering time ended, he said goodbye to Agnes, who told him that she would spend most of her time at the library so they could sit and chat a bit more. He bade a hesitant goodbye to Vera. Afterwards, when he was in his room at night, he stared up at the ceiling, counting the cracks, and recounted the events of the day. He thought about the library, the strange conversation, and the woman who knew him longer than he knew himself. And of course, his grandma, the only one who considered him the light of her life.

It was oddly comforting.

He never expected anyone to say that about him.

And sure, even though he may not have had anyone particularly close to him right then, he would always carry those memories with him.

That would be enough.