Submitted into Contest #119 in response to: Start your story with an unusual sound being heard.... view prompt


Black Suspense Crime


She was going up and down the track, waiting for the train, when she heard what  more than a sound sounded rather  as  a cannon shot . A cannon shot being fired in a very high place, which was ( seemed to be) very above….of her head, aven far above the tracks, the trains, the station.  As soon as she heard that rumble, loud but dull ( deaf), it was instinctive for Angie  to look up, to look at the sky. Since that  very powerful , and yet even dull sound  came from above, from very high ( above) it could have been from an airplane. But, at least as far as she could see, there was no plane flying in the sky above there.  The sky was covered with a compact blanket of gray. Perhaps the plane that had made that sound , which, however, was not the sounds that airplanes make, was behind that blanket of gray. When  Angie, after looking up at the sky, looked down again, she started to watch ( to observe) the faces, the look ( gaze) of the other people who were  on the platform along the track, some of them still, standing or sitting, some walking up and down as she did.  But it was impossible ( for her) to meet the gaze of even one of them. Everyone, whether they were still or walking, looked down, even with their head bowed, just as they  were afraid, but even more they were annihilated by that powerful and dull sound ( rumble), which had been heard only for a few moments, which had boomed as if it were the roaring voice announcing an imminent threat, hanging over their heads, something terrible which was going to crash them all.

Angie had no doubt that everyone present in the station, not only people along that platform, had heard the terrible sound looming from above. Since none of those people ( passengers) waiting along the platform (of that track) had said a word about that threatening rumble  , which everyone had to have heard, she dared to ask a young man, walking on the platform opposite her: “ Did you hear?”, while she gestured  with her head and her hand up, towards the sky. “Heard what, sorry? What should I have heard? “ the young man said, as he looked at her with a face that meant: “ But listen to this one…..For sure she is raving…..Ouch, and I’m even listening to this one here….”   “ But that sound… that rumble , which came from up there” Angie was now speaking frightened, her hand raised, her finger pointed to the sky.  “ But what sound? What rumble? I didn’t hear anything” The young man said, shrugging his shoulders. “ On, it’s impossible that you didn’t hear that….very strong sound….a sound, indeed a rumble , very loud , but even dull….as if it were a cannon shot fired at a metal barrier…..It came from up there….So I thought it was from an airplane. But I saw that there were no airplanes above here, passing in the sky…Oh, and then I wonder and wonder again : but what was it that made  that terrifying sound (rumble)? “ Anne spoke with her heart in her throat, more and more afraid. “ Eh, of course no airplane is above here…oh, and there is no rumble! At least I didn’t hear it!” The young man said, with an air of annoyance. Then Angie, running up and down, had started asking, first to individuals, whom she , anguished, approached, then addressing her question aloud, indeed screaming, to everyone:” Oh, but did you heard that menacing rumble from up there, you too, didn’t you?” And no, no one had heard that terrible sound ( rumble) . Oh, but it was impossible….she couldn’t believe it! Instead Angie thought that all those present there on the platform  denied having heard that rumble because they were frightened, indeed terrified, since they, unlike her, knew well WHAT that terrible sound meant, what it announced. Not only did they all claim not to have heard that rumble, but they started also to look at Angie with crooked looks, as if they were accusing her of something, such as the threat, the danger to them was….precisely she, who was saying, indeed shouting, she had heard that …. sound, and not the sound itself, which they kept on denying to have heard, perhaps  because they knew well it was something not to be talked about.

When the train arrived  Angie, was still repeating her question, she was still looking for someone who said that yes, he too had heard that rumble from up there. But no one admitted to have heard it, and everyone  casted ( poured) on her looks full of distrust , looks that said : “Better to stay away from this one”_____Angie got on the train frightened, and during the journey she was almost always locked in the bathroom.

That night Angie dreamed of a sky full of stars, with just a crescent moon. In her dream she was lying down maybe on the bed, maybe on the ground , and she saw that sky above her. Suddenly a fireball burst into the sky, scattering all the stars. That fireball  seemed to be the sun, ah, but it couldn’t be the sun, since it was night. That flaming sphere, which looked like a fiery sun, was moving towards the earth at swirling speed, it was going to fall on the earth. Angie had woken up with her heart in turmoil, she had gone at the window and had opened the window. In front of her here the starry sky appeared, like that of the dream_____there was also a thin crescent moon. But, incredible….the stars were moving, were changing their place (position). The stars of Ursa Minor were descending, approaching Arturo, the quadrilateral  of Pegasus were moving towards Vega.  All the stars were moving….they changed theit position ( place). Then they all started running, as if they were running away….Ah, but of course, they wanted  to escape, to get safety before that fireball arrived, which would disrupt them, which would destroy all them,  so Angie thought, as she still had the images of her dream in her mind.  And she couldn’t believe her eyes: in front of her, in the night sky, the stars were really moving, running.

That same night, before Angie, who had fallen asleep again, woke up and thought that…it had been all a dream, even the stars she had seen moving, running in the sky, that too had been a dream, just that night, an airplane , with over one hundred passengers, which was flying in the sky she had seen when she had opened the window, had crushed into the sea. That airplane had been shot down by a missile in an air battle which had taken place in that sky, that night. Since there was no war declared, that air battle was silenced, it had not to be known that there had been ( happened). It was said that the airplane  had crushed due to a technical failure.

November 11, 2021 04:13

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Tanya Humphreys
20:21 Nov 18, 2021

Hi Mara, Reedsy critiquer here... Without reading the story, I could tell right away that the too long paragraphs would make for awkward reading. In adition to way too long paragraphs, a couple sentences didn't make sense- "when she heard what more than..." and "...going to crash them all. It just seems there are words missing or perhaps just not the right ones. Didn't really get all the ( )s as well, that was kind of annoying. Dialogue ought to be separated into each speaker's voice, a new line for each character. That would have been a...


Mara Masolini
06:54 Nov 20, 2021

I thank you very much and all of you at reedsy for any criticism, observation, comment on the short stories I send to reedsy prompts. I know that my English leaves a lot to be desidered. Despite my poor English I decided to write in English, also for strong reasons that I can't say There is also this, this I can say. Every week, when the lines for the short stories arrive( from reedsy), I find them so much suggestive that I would like to write a short story for each line ( prompt). Since reedsy prompts has this effect on me: I read a...


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