Who am I?

I sighed as I sat on my bed trying to read a book I got from my school's library called Outsiders it was to no avail thought I could hear it even when I didn't want to. My parents were fighting yet again it seemed like it happened every single day now I could even here them fighting in my dreams. The hardest part was that it was always the same thing the same story me.

"She's Gay" I could hear the venom in my fathers voice I shivered he sounded so mad so angry like I wasn't even his daughter. That's not fair I thought to myself you raised me for fifteen years and now you can't look me in the eyes. Just because you think I am gay which I am not it was unfair and I hated it I hated him. I was shocked to find that a tear had ran down my face soon followed by another. I gasped and heaved a bit I couldn't make them stop they were all over my face blurring my vision.

"My daughter is not gay" My mother shouted back I hated it the fighting that never seemed to stop.

"She needs therapy Julia it's not right you and I both know that." His voice was softer now as if he was speaking to a wounded animal or a young kid.

"No" I could here the tears my mother was trying to choke back I wondered if she thought that what my father was saying was true even just a little of it.

"Think about it it's not right she's fifteen and has never had a crush on a boy never mentioned one name of a guy who she thought was cute. Julia she isn't normal you know this I know this I love her just like you do but this isn't right we need to find her help before it goes to far." I froze my father and mother had, had this fight many times but never did my father sound so serious about it what if my mom agreed? I thought to myself no she wouldn't or would she?

"Maybe you'r right Mark it's just so hard what did we do wrong tell me what we did wrong." My mom was begging my father now and the tears she was holding back before cane rushing out.

"We did nothing wrong and neither did Rose she's just confused doesn't know what she's doing we will get her help I promise. I didn't want there help I didn't need them I looked over at my window knowing what I had to do I softly moved over to my window and hopped out. I ran as fast as I could I didn't know where I was going or what I was going to do but I knew I just needed to get out of there. Before I blew up and screamed I ran hard though I wasn't sure if I was really running from my mother or father or from myself. Gay ran through my head over and over again I had never truly thought about it I mean sure I didn't really look at guys like other girls in freshman year did but I that didn't mean anything right? Maybe it did I thought then of a guy kissing me rough chapped lips on my own, his hand round my hair and my hand on his chest. It didn't feel right it felt like a microscope caught between the slides almost but not right. Maybe I did like girls but I couldn't my family would hate me all my family knew that it was a sin to like the same gender. My Uncle Ray had been cast out of the family for liking other guys I could picture it in my mind even though I was only five when he left. They say that liking the same gender is a sin but why? Who got to decide that just because of who you loved you weren't right in the brain? I had never thought before of why it might be a sin it was just love and love is love isn't. Shouldn't we be happy people shouldn't have to hide who they are to impress others. Or to fit into others ideas of what they must be I bit my lip as I let my mind wander then to how it would feel to kiss a girl her soft lips on mine. A slight hint of strawberry lipstick on her lips our teeth clashed but it felt so good so right. I felt weak in the knees and my head felt dizzy even in my mind it was nothing like kissing a guy. I knew then that I was only into girls. I should have been scared at that moment but I wasn't I fell to my knees a smile on my lips as I laughed i'm free. I wonder if this is how everyone feels when they discover themselves I was so happy. I didn't know that was the last time I would be happy in my life for a very long time, I walked back home slowly not wanting to take to long or to fast. I wish now as I sit here in this room that's all white and way to bright that I had taken longer. I walked into my house slowly I could feel in the air that something wasn't right but I didn't know what. That's when I saw them my mother and father were with two priest I knew what that meant. They grabbed me before I could even blink and threw me in a car I didn't know how long we drove or to where all I know is that we arrived at Saintvill Mental hospital. A women in all white came out and grabbed me taking me to the room I know knew as my room. Four walls and One bed all white all perfect I didn't know how long I had been in here or how long I would be in here all I knew was that they were winning and I was losing.