Paranoid

I put the aluminum can up to my nose and feel the tab against my nose. I laugh since it makes it last longer. I'd put about twenty small holes on the bent midline and the weed's on top of the holes. Paradise. I put the lighter by the can holes, push down the safety, and flick the round thing and inhale, deep, hold it like using an inhaler during an asthma attack. Pure bliss. I feel the buzz in my brain and exhale into my girlfriend's mouth who enjoyed the second coming of THC. There are religions who use pot as part of their worship and I'm a member of NORML. Don't know what that is? Go to norml.org and make a stone donation. But this is the good part. I'm laughing, flashing people, getting felt up. This is what life's all about. Laughing sustains the high. People think pot puts on weight, but if you don't eat when you're stoned, you actually lose weight. But, the can gets passed around and I keep puffing and so does everyone else. Then, shit starts shifting and I hear the song Mutherfuker on the radio and I can see the truth. Not just the truth, but THE truth. See, let's put the CD in. Nobody even knows what a CD is anymore since they took it away. Why would you throw away cassette tapes, CD's, and 8-tracks? It's because of them; the other pot smokers. Hell, they told the government to get rid of all the tape players, cd players, and 8-tracks players so they could trade it on the dark web for pot. Mutherfucker. “Everything I do is to try to fuck you up.” Someone feels my pussy through my pants and it feels great, but what if they're just trying to use my hormones to get what they want out of me. Maybe they're trying to get me to puke up the VHS tapes. Well, I'm not gonna fall for it. I hate bras. These goddamn thing are so uncomfortable. If men had to wear them, they'd get rid of these goddamn things. So, since everyone's seen my tits anyway, I put it on a plant and go braless. Hell, I'll be flashing someone again in about 15 seconds, so who gives a fuck.  

My turn. Inhale, hold, exhale. Wait, did I lock my car? Am I too stoned to drive home? What if my parents smell it? Should I try to take a bath in the bathroom sink or just use more perfume. Fuck. No, not you asshole. I'm a lesbian. Why the fuck else would I be at this place if I weren't no lesbian? Idiot. Get the fucking breeders the hell out'a this shit hole and get the dumb bitch who's monotoring us out, too. Assholes. Then, I start seeing shit. Like zebras grabbing at me after I smoke the cans and things metamorphasizing. They think I'm going to fall for it, but I ain't. You bastards are all anthropologists or collectors and you're all trying to get my rarities like the tapes, VHSes, 8-tracks, tapes, the card catalogues, the dial-up internet. Well, I ain't given none of this stuff up without a fight, so I tell the other bastards and bitches this and they laugh like I was laughing before and one of them blows liquid fire out of his mouth and it goes on the floor and smells like vodka.  

Then, I take the free gifts and do all kinds of shit to protect my antiques. I take the damn thing out of the wrapper and blow it up like a balloon. Teenagers do this shit all the time. But, before I tie it, I put my head inside and reinflate it. Someone else is fucking around with the dental dams, using them as a weapon. Gotta get the dams outta their hands. Someone asks me if I'm alright and I explain to them what the fuck these mutherfukers are trying to do, but they just give me a look like what the fuck are you talking about? They know what I'm talking about and can hear me through the rubber, they just don't want to tell me the truth about what they know. “I told you I'd shoot, but you didn't believe me. Why didn't you believe me?” I'm not a fan of Xena or Buffy, but I like other lesbian shit. Got some two sided dildos for me and my chic. Wait? Why ain't she hear tonight? Maybe she be cheating on me. I should call her through the rubber and ask her what she's doing and who she's doing it with. Mutherfuker. Everyone's betraying my trust.

See, I do a stand-hand and my shirt goes floor, but I done care. Let them enjoy view. Lose balance, fall to ground, hurts. CBD and THC for pain. You know, then I realize I've been wired. They have microphones in all my clothes so I take everything off and stomp it on the ground to get rid of the live mics and there's blood. Maybe I just killed someone. Maybe the cops are coming to arrest me for indecent exposure again. Maybe I'm bleeding to death or maybe it's my period and it'll never stop and I'll die of anemia.  

They got snacks here; pretzels, chips, crummy cola, dip, carrots, usual shift. Then, someone tells my need plate, glass, silver something. Don't know what's happening. No wait, maybe the bastards are poisoning me and that's why they gave me all the pot. So, I go to the men's room since the lady's room is locked and try getting in the stall, but it's locked, so I make myself puke in the urinal. Looks funny, like alien forces are talking through my puke. So, I try tearing the urinal from the wall, but it won't budge. Son-of-a bitch. I try flusing it and it overflows. There's more blood on the ground. Blood and water, on the rocks with lemon? What if they slip me a mickey or a minnie? Don't drink the urinal cocktail? No. Don't drink the urinal cocktail.  

Go out, still dripping, dragging clothes on right tit. Then, I put it on ground like pillow and sleep. No one can get purse/wallet if my head's on it and I be asleep. Adipost with the most. I go let squirrels see me pee outside. They look happy. Then, I rest. The can comes back and breathe in again like a kid who can't get enough candy. Then, everything stops and I realize Pacman isn't eating dots anymore but wants to eat all of me, not just my tits and pussy. I sleep and wake up home in bed, somehow. Don't remember. Try to get up but dizzy. Clothes from place in hamper and pile of blood on bed.  I need another puff.