I Am Me

                 I Am Me

Suzanne Marsh

Foxhall Plantation 1862

The slave girl Sally pushed with all her might, Mammy waited knowing that soon a baby would be born. This baby was going to grow up to be a fine lady under the gentle hand of Lucy Townsend. Visions danced in Mammy’s head, as Sally gave a final push, a beautiful girl child. Sally mated with the Master, Thomas Townsend, he planned to make the child his own, but his wife Lucy was barren. Word was sent to the main house that the baby had arrived, and would Master come to see her. Thomas did not hesitate, strode down to the shack, and went in. Sally lay in the birthing bed holding the most beautiful baby girl he had ever seen. Sally, handed her up to Thomas:

“You take good care of her, she is part of you and me.”

Thomas was not sure how to respond:

“Sally, she is such a precious gift, I promise you that she will go to

the best schools, marry well.”

Thomas held the squalling piece of humanity gingerly as he returned to the main house. Lucy sat quietly staring out the window:

“Lucy, honey, I want you to meet our daughter..” As he parted the blankets to reveal the baby. Lucy began to cry, then anger took over:

“Thomas, I will not raise that child, there is black in her.” Thomas knew she would not react well but had not expected her to disobey his wishes.

“Lucy, honey she is my heir, Sally has given her willingly to us to raise.

I promised Sally you would raise her to be a fine lady.”

Lucy decided then she would raise the child, and then on her eighteenth birthday she would tell her the truth about her heritage. That would be her revenge for this outrage.

The child was named Rebecca Louise after Lucy’s mother. Rebecca grew into a beautiful young woman. Lucy felt pride in her upbringing. The morning Rebecca turned eighteen, Lucy asked her to come to her room. Rebecca, her blue eyes sparkling entered the room:

“Good morning Mother.”

“Good morning Rebecca, please sit down, there is something I must

tell you. You are not my natural daughter, Mam Sally is your mother

you Papa is your father. I have loved you and taught you how to

be a lady. “

Rebecca ran from Lucy’s room, she had to find Papa, why would Mother lie to her? Thomas saw Rebecca running toward him, something was wrong, he could tell:

“Papa, Mother just told me that Mam Sally is my mother, not her is this true?”

Thomas took a deep breath:

“Yes, child it is, but you are a Townsend, and so you shall always be.”

Rebecca, tears welling in her eyes, for the first time in her life ran from her papa.

New York City, New York 1882

Rebbeca Townsend after running away from Foxhall found herself on a train heading to New York City. She had no idea where she was going to live, she would have to find a job immediately upon arrival, simply to survive. She first met Matthew Weatherby on the train, they chatted as the train rumbled northward. She told him she hoped to find work in New York City. She had a good singing voice, could tat. She asked about boarding houses, and he said there was a nice one owned by some Dutch people on twenty-fourth street, he explained that there were rooms for rent there. He volunteered to take it there. Rebecca had taken several pieces of jewelry she had received that she knew were worth money. She used one for her train ticket.

The Train arrived at Grand Central Terminal, and Rebecca and Matthew disembarked. He promptly escorted her to the boarding house, explaining he had an appointment to keep. Mrs. VanZant appeared immediately at the front door. She was a tall comely woman, with a quick smile. Rebecca entered the living room of the boarding house. Rebecca, removed a diamond ring from her reticule, explaining she did not have any cash. Mrs. VanZant, called excused herself, and went to find her daughter Fanny. She returned with Fanny in tow. Rebecca noted that she and Fanny were about the same age; eighteen. Fanny worked at the Shirtwaist Factory and volunteered to get Rebecca a job. Things were already looking up for Rebecca.

The following morning Fanny and Rebecca took the street car to Washington Square, then walked a few blocks. Fanny informed Rebecca that the work was tedious but she would make enough for rent and food. Rebecca wanted so much more, she wanted to be a famous actress, and she would keep her secret. Fanny told her they were close to several theaters maybe one might have a small part for, they would go after work.

Rebecca, learned quickly just how tedious the job was, boring was the word she used to Fanny. She was grateful to Fanny because at least she had a job. Rebecca was a contrast to Fanny, Rebecca had black hair and dark brown eyes; Fanny had blond hair and blue eyes.

They entered The Casino Theater as they were auditioning for HMS Pinafore's role of Cousin Hebe. Rebecca auditioned she sang a short piece and then read from the script. She was hired on the spot. Fanny, congratulated her. Rebbeca would begin work in the morning at the Shirtwaist Factory, leave there at noon, and go to rehearsals. Fanny told her she was crazy but Rebecca was not going to give up her dreams of becoming an actress. She would show Lucy Townsend she could make it on her own.

Later that night, Rebecca cried herself to sleep as she often did. She thought of herself as a person, not a race. She thought of Sally who gave her daughter up as soon as she had been born. She thought about the confrontation with Lucy Townsend, the awful truth. She could deny it all she wanted but facts were facts, stage makeup would hide most of the flaws she had. She would show them all! She thought of Papa, when she told him what Lucy had said. She had never seen him that angry, as he stormed off to the main house. She had run away then. She would always deny her true heritage, that was a promise she made to herself while she was on the train.

1890

Lucy Townsend lay on her death bed, and she sent for her husband Tom. She asked his forgiveness for ever having told Rebecca the truth. Tom, took matters into his own hands, he would find Rebecca and bring her home to Foxhall, where she belonged, to make her mistress, and hear Lucy apologize to her. He hired a detective to find her. The detective wired Tom he had located Rebecca Townsend, she went by the name Becca Martin, her stage name.

The detective wire he was having a difficult time getting her to acknowledge who she was, would Tom come to New York City, New York to get her to see reason.

Tom was on the next train, heading for New York. The detective met him at the train station. Together they went to the Casino Theater. Tom knew Rebecca the moment he saw her, she was a beauty. Her long black hair and those eyes like round brown saucers, he strode toward the stage, slowly making his way toward the beautiful woman, the detective cleared his throat to announce their presence:

“Papa, what are you doing here? I do not wish to return to my roots

as this detective offered. I am me, color has no bearing on who I am

as a person. I have denied myself often, I can’t accept what Miss

Lucy said I won’t accept it ever.”

Tom, felt a catch in his throat:

“Rebecca, come home Lucy is dying, she needs to talk to you.

You owe us that much. You have turned into a beautiful woman.

I never thought you would become an actress but you did. Please

, daughter, come home even if for just a short time. I need your help.”

Rebecca could not deny his plea, she told the manager of the theater she needed to go home for a few weeks but would return in time for the premiere of the Pirates of Penzance. Tom and Rebecca took the trolley car to the boarding house. She quickly packed and together they caught the next train to Charleston, South Carolina, where they would be met by “Old Sam”.

Rebecca sat quietly next to Tom as the train rumbled on into the night. She did not want to return to Foxhall, she certainly did not want to see Lucy or for that matter Mam Sally. She saw blacks being made to sit in the last car of the train, away from the whites. This did not seem fair or right to her yet she denied her heritage her entire life. She married Matt, and they had two beautiful children who would never know her true heritage, Rebecca was in denial her entire life.