Kundalini in a kettle

Have you ever felt so miserable but resigned at the same time because you are aware you are just one of the millions of people whose life is so bleak that simple breathing is an unworthy effort? A plain job that only fulfills your refrigerator, not your soul. A job that will never have the prospects of a career. You are in a relationship, but it sucks, however you stick to it because...you don't even know why. Maybe when you are alone you have too much room to ruminate about your unimportant existence. But today I am going to let my thoughts scald into a boiling kettle.

Here, on top of the mountain, shadiness can take over you... But mystical experiences may also occur. And everybody is willing to take risks and seek for them. It is, indeed, a double-edged sword. You cut yourself either way. You throw away the boomerang the furthermost you can and it always comes back to you with a message. And sometimes you wish it hasn't.

I sense the usual smell that dominates the hidden place, even I am not there yet. Peppermint and raspberry mixed with marijuana and wet, worn socks. You can’t see it because of the trees. Literally speaking. The facade is so dull it reminds me of an old, communist structure. Probably the point was to make it as unappealing as possible for lost adventurers. Not anyone has access here, a recommendation is always required. In my case was easy. My father is a good friend of the owner. They went to college together. When I get in, the complete silence washes me over. The fireplace in the corner creates a cozy ambiance, as you were spending Christmas with your family in a warm cottage, drinking hot chocolate and singing carols. A shell full of books is distracting your attention while you are waiting for your tea and your spiritual guide. An old typewriter gives the place the vintage look so wanted nowadays. The bar is made of dark brown walnut timber, so are the four round-shaped tables. There is no menu on them, its no need to, only non-scented candles glinting feeble. The seatbacks are dressed in fox furries. A big, red persian carpet covers the washed-out floor. What is not instantly drawing your attention, and it is meant to be this way, is the blue pale corridor on the left, situated right in front of the restroom. I’ve heard the blue color gives you peace of mind. However, at a first glance, it doesn't seem to fit well with the rest of the tea house. But it certainly has a purpose. The white, lightweight curtains conceal five empty rooms. It is not the room itself that is so precious, but the experience you get to have. A small community from all over the world comes here to find answers. Some of them want to find God. Unfortunately, if you are looking for God, you may come across his enemy. Sometimes, good and evil are never apart, they just follow one another.

“I thought you are done drinking tea”, Maya says to me, looking worried.

“Can you make me a hibiscus tea, please? While I am waiting for Markus. I froze until I got here.” I was doing my best to avoid eye contact with her, the shame was stronger than I thought it would be.

“You are not here for hibiscus tea. Tell me, what happened now? You were doing just fine, didn't you?”

“No one is here for regular tea. It's just like an appetizer, you know it. I was floating on muddy waters. My mother died last year. Dad didn't tell that, huh? When she stopped breathing, somehow I stopped too. Or maybe that's what I wanted to happen. I want to see her again, I left things unsaid. I did something wrong and I never dared to confess. I was afraid she would hate me. ”

“Of course, she couldn't hate you. She adored you. Your father did tell me about your mother. However, it is time to let her go. Whatever you did, she would forgive you. Let her rest in peace!”

“I will leave her alone when she tells me what I need to hear. Your herbs can help me reach out to her. Besides, you don't imagine how much I miss her.”

“I am ready for you”, Markus says. “Are you sure you want to do this? Not anybody can handle well what you chose for your ceremony today. Weak people can get mentally insane, even die.”

“You exaggerate only to make me change my mind. Maya, has someone ever died here because of your teas? Be honest”. Maya shakes her head in denial. “See, you are lying to protect me, and I appreciate your care but you can't stop me. Do you consider me a weak person, that's the problem, Markus?”

“Emotionally unstable, that's the issue here. I know why are you here. You are not going to see your mom. Even if you do, she will only be a hallucination, born out of your tormented mind. Will you risk your health to chase Morgana?”

“Her name was Diana, not Morgana. I’ve read stories about talking to dead people. They seem to me genuine experiences. I have to try.”

“You have also read the Bible and you don't believe what those people wrote. I will tell a funny story. You know what a woman saw when she was in trance? Brad Pitts’s head attached to a dog’s body. Another one saw her dead grandpa turning into a sunflower seed. A man once saw his dead cat growing wings and flying. Do you want me to continue? I swear I am not lying. You can't believe anything you see in that state. Yes, maybe you get to know yourself better, maybe it will change the way you see the world, for better or for worse, but is undeniable, a subjective experience. You can’t take ad litteram what you see. Are you following me?”

I was more present than ever, even if it was far away from what I wanted to. I wanted to stay loyal to my decision, but the truth is Markus’s words ignited self-doubt. What if he is right? I have no guarantee I will actually see her, not a hologram. My eyes filled with tears. It seems like my body knew before my mind what I was going to decide. I’d rather ask myself for the rest of my life if she would forgive me for what I did than torture myself whether she was real or not. The only way I can make sure she would be proud of me is to keep going, wretched but sane.

“I think I am going to have a black tea now, please. I have a long road back home, it will keep me energized.”

A FEW MINUTES LATER

“There you are. Earl Grey, plus a little bit of milk. I was reluctant too when I first tried it, but then it became one of my favorite beverages.”

“Where are the cookies?”, I asked Maya while I’m taking a sip.

“Cookies to sweeten your bitter life. For a wonderful and safe trip ”, Maya says, giving me an insistent,  mischievous look.