What's unspoken is the real story

The big day had finally arrived. Thirty four and a bit years, gone in a finger click. Of course there had been good times amongst the drudgery and the pressure, good laughs, great conversations, great friends made, a handful of rather nefarious relations, heated arguments, heated clinches leading to awkward moments later but it all passed by in a finger click, all consigned to history and fading memory.

James Walsh sat at the desk he'd occupied for a couple of decades and sighed to himself. The desk had changed in that time along with the chair he sat in but the position and aspect hadn't. James sat there unmoving, time hadn't damaged him too badly, still had hair though greyness dominated his head and his pate which was more prominent now due to his slowly receding hairline. He hadn't piled on the pounds and still looked trim and in reasonable condition for a man of his age.

James had always been good at keeping secrets. His pending retirement though was the biggest he'd ever managed to stay quiet about. He just couldn't stand the fake platitudes from top brass, the 'We couldn't have done it without you', 'You're one of a kind', 'His attention to detail was staggering or so the ladies tell me anyway', 'How will we survive without you' only for his replacement to be occupying his chair in less than a week later. It would be too much BS for James to handle and he knew it would damage whatever good memories he had of the place irrevocably and he just couldn't risk that. So he stayed quiet about his plans and kept them under wraps. No one suspected, no one copped he might be about to jump ship, no one had a clue and no one was any the wiser. James was smug as he sat there in his chair at his desk he'd occupied for almost three and a half decades and allowed himself a smile.  

But how was he going to play this? Would he just clock out without a saying a word? No, he could do that to his friends, the ones that had kept him sane in that insane office world, the ones who had backed him up and stayed the course, who had stood by him through the bad times and the totally shit times. No, he'd have to think of something, but he'd known about this day for months even years, surely he considered his work friends before now? The truth is he'd just assumed he could wing it and on the day he'd know what to do. Trouble was no ideas were coming to him. If he left without so much as a salutation, some would be mad at him, others would be downright furious. This was a real dilemma, he was clueless as to how to square the circle. It came to him like a flash: All he'd do was approach them one by one and get their numbers, if he didn't have them already and just say cryptically 'I'll be in touch'. It was simple, polite and to the point.

His work friends seemed bemused at his request so out of character, so strange coming from the shyest man in the office they had ever known. Some suspected James was about to depart but didn't say anything not wanting to cause embarrassment and that's why those approached were approached, they were honorable, they were kind, they were nice, they were true friends and he really wanted to see them again at some time in the near future.

James took his lunch in the canteen that day at his usual time with his usual cohort of colleagues eating his usual packed lunch and discussing the usual topics of the day: world news and some sports taking place later that evening. These usual topics were 'Safe' and in the politically correct landscape that they found themselves in, they were the only ones that could be discussed in the canteen at the usual time over the usual packed lunch with the usual cohort of colleagues on a normal and distinctly usual day where nothing unusual was likely to take place later to any of the canteen diners apart from, of course James.

The pension that he would receive was adequate. It would mean a sizable income drop of course but James had been a good saver all his life and a man who always looked for bargains, had non-expensive hobbies, rarely socialised, rarely travelled, a casual dresser, a self haircutter, a non-smoker, a two drink a night man if he ever ventured out that is. Yes James would just fine unless the sky caved in or some idiot pressed the button but then, James figured, everyone was a goner anyway if that happened, so no point in being too concerned. No, he shouldn't run into any monetary issues and if he did well, another job could be taken on if that were to happen even if it meant giving grinds to snotty nosed kids, he would do it if he needed extra funds. No, he would be ok, he could adapt to any situation that came up and he could overcome any obstacle placed in his way unless some idiot pressed the button but then it wouldn't matter anyway.

How would he pass his days? He loved to read but the stress of the office meant that he often finished his reading early to get a good night's sleep and then would never return to that particular book but pick a different book the next night. This haphazard reading method would be replaced by order and structure. He had mountains of books he wanted to read and was determined to consume them voraciously no-holds barred. But that wouldn't pass enough of his free time and he knew it. He would do some travelling certainly, James was one that the travel bug never bit but now he was looking at the world through new eyes, new adventures awaited him and he was tingling with excitement to get out there and start exploring. Good deals were to be had on midweek flights so all he had to was pick a destination and go for it. It would be great to explore new territories. With the avid reading and frequent flying the years would surely fly by(pardon the pun). There were friends he had let slip through no one's fault, these things happen, he could reconnect as they would be heading for retirement too if not already there. No, he'd have no problem passing the time with all those ideas.

The top brass doing as the top brass always do and not respecting his expressed wishes for no send off went and organised one anyway. There was a huge cake in the canteen together with bunting hanging from the walls and ceiling screaming 'Sorry you're retiring', 'We'll miss you',

'Don't forget us - we pay your pension', 'Happy Retirement' and the top brass delighting in an embarrassed looking James. A stream of cringe worthy smarminess gushed from the high ups as James felt more and more uncomfortable with the proceedings, it was like a bad nightmare that just got worse and kept getting more horrible as the fake platitudes grew louder and more distasteful. James couldn't wait for this embarrassment to be over. Then the inevitable 'SPEECH SPEECH SPEECH' echoed from every corner of the packed canteen. James got to his feet to huge cheers and frenzied clapping. He calmly cleared his throat, 'Thank you. You're all very kind. I hadn't planned on speaking today and boring everyone with tales of a lifetime ago that no one here would remember anyway so I'm not going to. I'll leave you with this: I'm going to do what I was put on this blue planet to do and that is......' and James seemed overcome with the magnitude of the occasion so he sat down. The canteen fell into stunned silence. James received a few claps on the back. He thanked the people at his table and said goodbye. He collected a few things from his desk and left the office for the last time smiling to himself and thinking about all the page turning he was going to do as he truly turned the page of his own life and started a brand new chapter.