Where Confidence Dwells: Becoming Great

Silence has the power to be more compelling than sound. The feigning smell of morning coffee. Twisted is the thought's in response to feelings. Nino topped off his cup with the last of the pot. Sipping it and wandering around the kitchen. Closing his eyes embracing Nadine’s lingering perfume. Turning from the stove while still sipping his coffee. Nino leaned in front of the sink. Staring at the empty dining room table. Replaying this morning's event. While the little voice in him injected.

“Are you gonna actually write today? Or are you gonna brainstorm and forget to write it down?”

Nino chuckled as his memory began to show its feature film. Nadine let herself into Nino’s place. She could smell the coffee’s lingering aroma as soon as she took her shoes off by the door.

“Morning, babe, is there pastry with that wonderful smell?”

Nino hollered out for her to come into the kitchen. He was stirring her cup. Placing it on a saucer with two 7 layer biscotti(cookies). Nadine strolled in maligned by excitement for her question’s manifestation.

“Thank you so much. Now I have you under my spell. We need to have a real breakfast one time.”

“Don't sleep in tomorrow morning. Your mom, Lanita and I have a blast over the morning table. I understand being an RN takes a lot out of you but we all enjoy your company too.”

Nino embraced his darling ignoring her evasion of observation.

“How about silly supper tonight? I’m talkin’ eggs, biscuits, sausage and gravy, hash browns and bacon. No plate in the microwave. I’ll give you the breakfast you want but for dinner.”

Embarrassed by Nino’s adjustment Nadine blurted out.

“Pancakes?”

Nino pulled her tighter to himself.

“Of course bella(beautiful). Lanita asked for them last Thursday morning. You also want’em? What kind of pancakes do Lanita and you like?”

Blushing Nadine pulled away to finish her cookie. She kissed him upon her escape from his clutches.

“Strawberry, please!”

Chasing and cornering Nadine Nino asked if it was both their likes. As he grabbed her Nadine squirmed away.

“My ‘Nita prefers breakfast food and loves strawberries. Strawberry pancakes are a fav. I believe we talked about this. Regardless, I came to see you to invite you for dinner tonight at my place. NOT ta fool around, I got to leave for work in 20 minutes!”

Awkwardly Nino laughed at her sincerity. Vaguely recalling the second date conversation. As Nino reentered the kitchen where his body was. Entirely back into the present Nino took the last swallow of coffee. His heart wide open as he smiled, rinsing the cup. Strolling through the threshold to the living room. Grabbing a bottle of water on his way out of the kitchen. Whistling on the short walk to the stairs. Upon his ascension hitting the refrain to Everybody Loves Somebody Sometimes by Dean Martin. Aware of his feelings for Nadine. Nino used his diaphragm as a tool to release them. While entering the first room on the second floor. Without checking the record on the turntable by the door. Shaking his head to loosen the thoughts swarming his relationship and his current home life. Nino flipped and started the album. Which was side two of Stand! Sly & The Family Stone.

Deep breath, hold: through nostril release. Sitting at his desktop he vocalized his internal concern.

“What is my Naddy contriving? Tonight she comes over with Nana and Lanita. They bring life into this place. Even with Kramer moving out it’s still masculinity. The three of them balance it out. So what is she contriving?”

Another deep breath nostril release. Nino hopped into his novel. Picking up where he left off. Finally breaking away he gulped half the water bottle. Realizing it was noon he saved his progress and went into his freelance projects. Several of them needed to be started or finished. The first two were ad campaign writing. Then on to landing page writing. Checking his notes Nino approached all three as prose. Breezing threw them effortlessly. After earning a living from writing. It was still his favorite hobby. The dread, though, was the ghost writing of a memoir. Commissioned to him by the agent of a retired Pro Football player. Breathing as he recalled Meditations book one number five. Fandom of athletics is something that Nino felt to be a distraction. After reading the email Jaylen’s sister sent to him. Which was a summary of Jaylen’s ascension into NFL lore for the modern age.

Nino found the appropriate tone to articulate Jaylen’s narrative. The treatment request was for an introduction and the first two chapters. Upon sending the doc to Jaylen’s sister Nino checked the time again, being 2pm. Upon its realization Nino became elated. He could meet Nadine on her lunch break. Making sure all of his obligations were met, he rushed to her. Elated in flow, Nino sent Nadine a text.

“Don’t go to the vending machine mama. I’m comin’ through with lunch, I gotchu.”

Nadine’s heart emoji response went unnoticed. As Nino pulled out the garage. With the chicken salad, croissants, romaine and charcuterie he quickly put together. Arriving at the front of the hospital with the bag. Nadine with a 45 minute lunch was waiting out front. After a warm embrace they settled for their lunch at a nearby picnic table. Overjoyed Nadine exclaimed with adulation.

“I was excited for silly supper tonight but lunch too!”

“Lunch is to bait for the truth. Why aren’t you guys staying the night at my place tonight?”

Nadine looked up from the table picnic. Searching for the intent behind his question. Seeing his confusion Nadine adjusted her tone.

“Mmhmm, Lanita’s recital is tomorrow afternoon. You live two hours away from the school. I won’t have the energy to get her and mom together in a timely manner. On top of getting there on time. I just don’t want to go through that tomorrow. If I can avoid it.”

“That’s a fair point I can understand completely. So the overnight is at your place?”

Shocked and maligned by Nino’s question. Nadine realized she could quote Nino back to himself.

“You always say the most obvious realities are the hardest to see. I genuinely feel like I got one on you.”

Bewildered by her retort, Nino laughed.

“I find it funny you keep score. I've never championed my intelligence. Always thought of it as something I had to work on. You're right though I genuinely don't see it. I just know if you want me there I will be.”

“I do and I know you will be. You also say expectations are bad. But I expect you to be you and you haven't let me down. That's part of the reason why I changed your routine. So prove me right. I got to get back thank you for lunch hon.”

As the wind moves swiftly and soundlessly. Nadine stood up as she retorted. Kissing him on the head and leaving with some of the charcuterie. All before he could respond himself. Amazed by her grace Nino couldn't shake the bewilderment. So he sat quietly reflecting on the lunch. Trying to find what he missed. All he could think of is how he had to pack an overnight bag. Which is something he laughed at. Thinking he hadn't done it in years.

Sitting with his confusion Nino packed up lunch and left. In a mindful state Nino found the flow. Nino grabbed everything for silly supper. Upon reentering his place Nino dove into the silence landing in a meditative state. After the dinner components were put together along with his overnight bag. He collapsed on his bed having forgotten to let go of his confusion and bewilderment. If one can sit with feeling and not engage with them. One must figure out their way to let the ostracized feeling go. Otherwise it will turn poisonous. Turning into negative feelings of dissociation, avoidant behaviour and self doubt. As it did for Nino who responded to these feelings with a power nap.

Waking up around 6:30pm turning a power nap into a several hour sleep. Quickly Nino rushed into a cold shower. Upon finishing getting ready. Nino realized his phone had several unread messages and two missed calls from Nadine. Walking out of his room to the lower floor. Nino observed the texts were 10 minutes apart sent 2 hours ago. Requesting if he figured out why she made the switch. For the location of the overnight. To which upon entering the garage. While loading his car Nino responded. Texting back through one voice(mind, heart & soul).

“Took a nap that turned into sleep. Forgot to let go of my confusion. Hold on to your one over me mama. I’m not focused on a reality I can't see. I’m focused on spending time with you. Everyone and thing else to me is a plus.”

Unaware of Nadine's thoughts or reaction to his response Nino left for Nadine's place. Nino pulled into Nadine’s driveway. Pulling all the way to the garage door. So Nadine had room to park when she got home from work. In the present moment aware of thoughts and feelings. Though not in either Nino knocked on the front door. Lanita opened the door eagerly ushering Nino inside.

“Are we really having breakfast for dinner? You said we were last week. I thought mom was messing with me, you were coming over tonight.”

Holding his internal laughter at Lanita’s banter. He asked if she took a breath through the entire rant.

“I think so?”

“Are you gonna cook with me tonight? You said you were gonna help last Thursday morning.”

Entering the kitchen Lanita reminded Nino that she said she’d help with breakfast. Deloris was sipping tea and corrected her granddaughter.

“Nita, Nino’s cooking breakfast for dinner. The time frame is irrelevant. Fulfill your word and aid him, thank you.”

Seeing Lanita being defeated vocalized his opinion. Stating that Lanita shouldn’t force herself to help. Thanking Deloris for taking his stead.

“A dude cooking breakfast for her hasn’t been common. So her saying she wants to help comes from a heavy heart. If she doesn’t help it’s not a big deal. The thought is just as meaningful, no worries.”

Nino unpacked and moved around unaware of the silence surrounding his banter. Getting into the flow of getting silly supper together. He heard Deloris’ declaratory statement.

“Just ask’em baby.”

Turning around from putting the biscuits in the oven. Nino inquired about the unasked question. To which Lanita clearly uncomfortable articulated her question.

“Will you come to my recital tomorrow?”

Unphased by the question as he was oblivious to his reality still. Nino replied through one voice.

“I don’t know why I can’t make it. Just like I told your mom today kiddo. I’ll be around as long as your mom wants me around.”

Deloris pointed out Nino’s obliviousness. At that moment everything was fired for dinner. Nino sat at the table addressing his confusion. Articulating the truth through one voice.

“Nana, Lanita, I'm fully aware of how Nadine, your mom feels about me. I’m just as aware of the hurt from past relationships she hasn’t let go. What I want out of this relationship will take time to grow. Love is a fertile ground. A relationship is like a seed. It's got to be planted before it blossoms.”

Nino got up from their shocked faces. Checking the time on the microwave. He decided to slow dinner down. Retaking his seat at the table. He asked Lanita what she was going to play at her recital. Asserting her little self exerting all of her confidence.

“I’m playing Coltrane’s A Love Supreme.”

Nino genuinely exclaimed that he was definitely going. Exclaiming that Coltrane was a favorite of his. He also enjoyed listening to Lanita practice. Without batting an eye Lanita spoke her truth.

“I want to be one of the greatest piano players ever.”

Deloris reassured her that she could do it. Nino got up to finish dinner and decided to offer a hand to Lanita to achieve her goal.

“Being great at something is achievable. I can give you a few pointers. If you want me to.”

Deloris, thinking Nino is slightly over reaching. Inquired how Nino assumed he knew the way. Nino finishes silly supper while bringing to light to the path of becoming a writer.

“Well to be a writer, you gotta read in abundance. Aside from being articulate in a particular language. Now with that knowledge you’ll come to understand concepts and topics. Ranging from Theological, Philosophical, Sociological, Existential and the nuance that is the human condition.”

Eager to achieve her goal. Lanita asked Nino what he thought was the way. Now setting the table with dinner. Nino spoke the truth from his honest interpretation of Lanita’s goal. Articulating to the young pianist through one voice.

“Greatness is defined by other people's opinion. Based on your accolades and the longevity of your career. You'll have critics who are just haters with a megaphone. You must turn to blind eye and a deaf ear to it. Focus on mastery of the art form. Some call it the Mamba mentality. To become a master you must put in an exuberant amount of time, disciplined dedication and consistent practice. Your journey to the mastery level. From a storyteller’s perspective. It's what becomes the lore or the legend of you. Over time you will arrive without ever realizing you got there. That is the nuance of the journey to mastery. Everything that doesn't serve you to get to that point is a distraction. You will come to a plethora of them especially being a female. Discipline and focus are masculine things. So you must be mindful of the fact that you have to express your femininity along the way. With a solid support system of your wonderful mother, your amazing grandmother and as long as I'm around your Nino. You'll never forget what path you have chosen to go down. You will also never be without aid and support. Hell youngin’ keep learning jazz and I'll follow you till the end of the Earth.”

Deloris began to silently weep. Unbeknownst to Nino, Nadine was standing behind him. Upon finishing his observation of greatness and making Lanita's plate. Nadine collapsed her arms around Nino's neck. Whispering softly into his left ear.

“Is this why my baby practices for 5 hours after school? You're encouraging my Nita to be the best piano player ever?”

Looking into Lanita's eyes. Nino spoke out loud answering Nadine's questions.

“We bonded last month over jazz, the three of us. In general conversation Lanita vocalized her dream of being a great pianist and her goal of greatness. As her Nino I felt obligated to show her the way. Given that, that's the way she wants to go.”

Silly supper was then met with laughter and jokes. Mixed with witty banter. As the evening closed in and nightfall made its bed. Nino noticed Lanita had fallen asleep on the couch. Finding the moment to break away from the conversation. He silently scooped her up. Beginning his ascension of the stairs to take her to bed.

With his free hand Nino pulled back the comforter. Placing Lanita down, half asleep Lanita kissed Nino’s forehead. Telling she loved him before rolling over into theta. Pulling the cover over her. Nino petted her head and declared he’d keep her in his heart forever. Upon turning he saw Nadine in the doorway wearing her night time shirt.

“Where were you 5 years ago?”

Nino closed the distance between them. Knowing there was no way she could squirm out of his clutches. Scooped her up as well.

“Learning to be the man you want to be with.”

Nadine giggled, accepting Nino’s advancement. Walking the short distance to Nadine’s room. Nadine used her right foot to close the door to her bedroom.