Letting Go

As she heard the whistle of the kettle, Carrie snapped back to reality and shook her head from the thoughts which consumed her while the water had boiled. She got off the stool, picked up her empty mug and poured herself some chamomile tea, praying it would help her get some much needed sleep. She sat alone in the kitchen, unable to wind down after having just dropped off her son at college. Carrie was emotionally drained, exhausted from packing and simply spent. Her husband Tom and younger daughter Maddie had long since gone to bed. On the outside Maddie was thrilled to have the upstairs, especially the loft, to herself though inside Carrie knew she was missing her big brother. She was thankful her kids were close. Tom had remained stoic and strong on the drive home. However, Carrie had seen his eyes get misty as he gave his son a big bear hug before all 3 wished Cody well one more time.  

Carrie sat in the oversized chair in the living room, with her legs tucked underneath holding onto the warmth of the mug and savoring every sip of the tea. “Where did the time go” she thought. As she looked around the quiet, still living room, she stopped as her eyes caught family pictures. She tried to hold back the tears but they trickled down her cheek. “How is my baby 18 and off to college? I just wish I could freeze time” she whispered. As she recalled the events of the day, a smile slowly spreading across her face remembering the moment Cody headed towards his dorm with his new roommate. He looked back one last time, yelling “Love you Mom.” He was happy, excited and ready to start his new adventure. Carried remembered closing her eyes and saying a prayer, asking God to watch over her son and keep him safe.  

Thankfully the next day was Saturday and Carrie did not have an alarm set. She woke to the smell of coffee. “God bless Tom” she thought as she threw back the covers and made her way to the bathroom to brush her teeth. As she descended the stairs, she heard Maddie and Tom talking about Maddie’s upcoming lacrosse tournament. Tom looked up and smiled at Carrie as she entered the kitchen. After squeezing her daughter’s shoulders and kissing the top of her head, Tom handed her a cup of already doctored coffee, touching her lips lightly with a sweet kiss. She put her arms around his waist and leaned into him. “He’s going to be fine, babe. Parents Weekend will be here before we know it.” Without looking at Tom, she nodded and sipped her coffee. Tom cleared his throat, prompting Maddie to look up from her phone. Catching his cue, Maddie put down her phone and proceeded to try and distract her mother. “Mom, I have lacrosse practice today. Are my shirt and shorts clean? Oh and remember you said we could go shopping this weekend.” Not letting her teenage daughter outsmart her, Carrie returned with, “Well, if the shirt and shorts made their way to the laundry room, then yes, they’re clean…” Maddie bolted off the stool, running upstairs to check. Carrie let out a long sigh and looked at Tom who just shook his head.  

Tom drained the last of his coffee and rinsed out his cup in the sink before saying he was going to shower. Carrie’s phone made a sound, indicating a text. As he approached the bottom of the stairs, Tom looked back at his wife, asking “Is that from Cody?” “No it’s from Karen asking how I’m doing and if I wanted to grab lunch.” She looked up to see him smiling. That was exactly what his wife needed and said “she knows you well” as he winked and headed upstairs.  

Later that evening, Carrie and Tom sat on their patio, enjoying a glass of wine after dinner. Maddie was out with friends leaving them with an at home date night. Carrie and Tom were going over the various events for the next week. Carrie’s ringtone, the words of Tim McGraw’s Humble and Kind, interrupted their conversation. She set down her glass to answer. From the huge grin on his wife’s face, he didn’t need to ask who was calling. “Hi sweetie, how are you? Hold on Cody, let me put you on speaker so Dad can hear you too.” Cody began to fill in his parents on how he and his roommate had begun exploring the campus, gotten to know the best places to eat and that he’d signed up for a few clubs during New Freshmen Social. Tom reached over and squeezed Carrie’s hand. Feeling like she was about to lose it, she silently handed the phone to Tom. “Hey bud, that’s great. Your Mom and I are thrilled. We can’t wait to hear how your first day of classes go.” After letting the guys talk, Carrie took the phone back. “Dad’s right, honey, we are excited for you. Now remember I want daily phone calls. You’re only a few hours away and I will come check on you.” “Mom, daily calls?” Tom looked over at her, with raised eyebrows. “Okay, maybe not daily but just don’t forget to call me….none of these short texts. I need to hear your voice.” Her heart melted as he laughed. She could hear the smile in his voice as he said, “I’ll call Mom, I promise. I gotta go, we’re off to go eat. Love you guys.” She swallowed the lump in her throat before responding “we love you too, Cody.” She looked down at her phone after the call ended as a tear fell on the screen. She took the bottom of her shirt and wiped it away. As Tom twisted his gold, unmistakable ring on his right ring finger, Carrie knew he was so proud that his son chose his alma mater, Texas A & M. She knew there was something special about College Station, hard not to feel at home there. When Tom reminded her that the first home football game was only a few weeks away, Carrie began to relax. He’d see their son every time he was there. Tom reached for the bottle of wine and refilled both their glasses.  They clinked their glasses and toasted “here’s to another Aggie in the family.”