You Learn a Lot When You're Dying

"Thank you for coming, Lawson."

"I wish it wasn't for this."

"She's dying, and I can't stop it. Not that I could ever stop her from doing what she did before. I'm a parent. Parents are supposed to die before their children. This way. Bristol? Bristol, you have a guest."

"Is it Lawson?"

"Hi, Bristol. I'm so sorry."

"You learn a lot when you're dying. I've been remembering all the bad things I did...said. What else do I have to do? Can I do? I'm glad you came. You're better than me. I don't think I would've come if you were lying here. How horrible is that? Um, don't be shy. Talk to me, Lawson. I just want to hear a voice. You're always so cheerful. I want to hear that cheerful voice."

"I could tell you about Amy and her friends. Is that OK?"

"So long as you make me smile."

"They all moved to Texas. Now they're all pregnant. They don't miss New York. They like the wide-open spaces. They're learning to drive."

"Cars?"

"Yeah. I taught Amy in a church parking lot. They work out and go to malls."

"I'm glad that life goes on. None of my friends visit. Maybe it's for the best. They don't know what to do with death. They'd rather

not see it. But you came."

"I'm sorry. I'm talking about our lives."

"No. Don't...don't be sorry. I'm dying, Lawson. Dying is all I have left. My parents don't know what to do either."

"Is the sun in your eyes?"

"It is, and I want it to be. I was very mean to you,

Lawson."

"You were different."

"You were the one trophy I didn't get."

"Sorry to disappoint you."

"Oh, no. No. Not disappointment. I know you didn't like it, but I thought it was fun. I saw you the same way that the coyote saw the

roadrunner. It was always about the chase. Was there ever a time when you were tempted?"

"What? To let myself get caught? I'd be lying if I said I didn't imagine it."

"You have such a good imagination."

"I am a writer."

"How would it've played out?"

"What? You catching me?"

"Mmm hmm."

"Gosh, Bristol. You were the one who was imaginative. Just when I thought I'd seen everything, you came up with something...more."

"I'd lie awake at night. Imagining. But you know what?"

"What?"

"I never could make myself catch you. You...you were always about the chase, just like the roadrunner. What was it about Amy? Did I ever have a chance?"

"You and I were too different, Bristol. We would've fought like dogs and cats."

"I thought we would've fought like hyenas and lions."

"Haha. Oh, God, Bristol. I'm so..."

"No, no, no. Don't. I mean, it's OK to be sorry that I'm dying. I know I am. But don't apologize for it. You came. None of my friends have come. Why do we regret dying so much when we treated life like..."

"It's in our nature."

"I'm glad that life goes on. None of my friends visit. Maybe it's for the best. They don't know what to do with death. They'd rather not see it. But you came. I already said that, didn't I? Sorry. Sometimes I

can't make my mind do what I want it to. I have a brain tumor. Did my dad tell you that?"

"No."

"I don't know who I feel sorrier for, my mom or my dad. Mom...mom doesn't know what to do with this. I almost want to tell her to not

come in here, but...but she's entitled to whatever days I have left. It is days, Lawson. Weeks would be a miracle. My dad..."

"Are you in pain?"

"No. I don't know if that's good or bad."

"How could it be bad?"

"They say that pain tells you that you're alive. Sometimes I wonder if I'm already dead and I just haven't realized it. They just haven't come to pick up the body. Oh, Lawson, don't be so sad at that. A little dark

humor is all I have left. What advice do you have for me when I get to heaven?"

"Heaven?"

"Yeah. I found faith. Did I tell you? Didn't I? Imagine that. I had to die to get eternal life. How twisted is that? Story of my life."

"You had your moments, both ways."

"I could always count on me to be me." I am sorry for how I treated you. I couldn't help myself. I always saw you as one of God's special people. Lawson, I'm gonna beat you to heaven, but I hope when you get there, you'll put in a good word for me. I suspect you'll have some important job there. Me? Not so much."

"Bristol, when I get to heaven, if it's possible, I'll find you. We'll talk as long as you want."

"I'd like that. It feels good to have a favor in heaven. Can...can I ask you a favor here, while I'm still alive? Ha. Alive. I had to die to live. What a waste."

"Maybe more waste than you should have, but you made it. You asked for a favor here."

"Oh, yeah. Will you come to the memorial service? That kind of sounds, I don't know, self-serving. Asking you to come to my own funeral. Will you? My friends won't be there. They don't know what to do with death. Will you come? I know my mom and dad will be there, but...but I just want to know that someone will be there."

"Yeah, Bristol. I'll be there. I promise. Want me to say something?"

"About you coming? Yeah."

"I meant about the service. Want me to say something there?"

"Would you?" Nobody else will. Except maybe the pastor. And I don't know him and he doesn't know me. Would you?"

"Yeah."

"Lawson?"

"Yeah?"

"Would you say it now? I...I won't have a chance to hear it at the service. Can I hear it now? Wait. Can you record it? So that I can

listen to it again, later, if I have a later? Here's my iPhone."

"Sure. Uh, OK. Um...OK. Bristol Henry was my friend. She made my life and the lives of the people around her...well...interesting."

"Haha. That's good."

"She lived life with passion and emotion and excitement. She was unpredictable, except the times when she was totally predictable."

"Totally."

"When Bristol walked into a room, you knew she was there. And when she walked out, you knew she was gone. Bristol had regrets. Don't we all? She asked me if I'd come here, to say...something. Bristol deserves better than just something. Bristol was a daughter. She was a classmate. She lived life on her own terms. She lamented wasted time. Don't we all? Bristol was one of us. She pursued her dream...chased what she couldn't catch, but chased it to the very end. How many of us can say that? That we never gave up? That in the end, we were closer to our dreams than we were in the beginning? She died too young...fathers and mothers should outlive their children. In dying, she found life. In leaving earth she found heaven. She'll be remembered. Who of us could ask for more? She was my friend. How was that?"

"Oh, Lawson. That was wonderful."

"Here's your phone. I recorded it."

"Thank you. I'm tired. I...I'm going to rest now."

"Bristol?"

"Hmm?"

"You can go whenever you're ready. You don't have to wait for anyone else. You're never really ready, but you'll be ready enough. Um, can I ask you a favor?"

"If I can."

"Will...will you catch me...and let me kiss you?"

"Damn it, Lawson. I swore I wasn't going to cry."