A Walk Around the Block 

By: Sammie Jeane

Going on a walk on Christmas in a snow storm wasn’t the smartest decision Shane had ever made, but she had to move or she was going to go insane. She could feel the pressure building in her chest, the antsy feeling making her shoulders twitch. So she bundled up in walking boots, a parka and a sparkly purple beanie, a gift from her Aunt. Matching purple sparkly gloved hands wrapped around a thermos. Tea, not coffee. A fact that had always disappointed her Grandma. 

She had no idea where she was going, but the relief was immediate as she took her first step on the slushy concrete. The tightness in her chest eased and the urge to twitch left her shoulders. Sometimes all one needed was a walk around the block. 

Shane hadn’t lived in downtown Clevand long enough to have a route in mind. Last week, she had met Michelle at a hipster coffee shop for the lease takeover interview. They had walked to her future apartment from the coffee shop, a few blocks, so she headed in that direction. Michelle had pointed out walking paths and features of the neighborhood, something about the Clevand Public Square being nearby.

Shane hadn’t been listening, a steady buzzing had filled her ears at the sight of a small lighthouse across the grey water.

Surprise, surprise 27 Club Coffee wasn’t open on Christmas. She walked away from the frozen over lighthouse. Blanketed in snow and incased in ice, it looked like something out of Narnia when the evil queen ruled. Her Grandma had always loved lighthouses. The one in Santa Cruz was taller than this one and they had been able to walk right up to it, waves crashing around the giant cement rocks while they searched for sea lions. 

Dark storefronts lined her path, lit by an occasional car and dimmed street lights. Bright and colorful Christmas decorations forcing their cheer  through the grey atmosphere.  Window art with welcoming messages, Santa’s and snowmen, snowflakes sparkling safely in warm buildings. Store after store filled with joyful trinkets closed up for the season. Up and down streets, lost in the grey.

A burning cold nose ripped her from the melancholy haze, forcefully bringing her back. She had no idea where she was and had to find some warmth. Squinting up and down the street. An open sign flashing at the end of the block, she let the light guide her, hopefully towards warmth. It led to old brick walls, a black and yellow sign, and a tiny green awning over a dark brown wooden door. 

Johnny’s Little Bar. 

Of course a bar was the only thing open on Christmas. What time even was it? 

A bell announced her arrival to the room and found a few wrinkled eyes glancing her way. Did she even bring her wallet? Hopefully this place had Apple Pay, though it didn’t look like it. A little dingy, she could tell the bar was going to be sticky. All the best bars were. 

Behind the bar looked empty, though a sliver of brown and grey hair was visible above an open fridge door. 

“Excuse me, do you have Apple Pay?” she directed her question to the back of the floating head. 

The floating head rose, “Do we have wh….” 

Shane felt her heart stop and the buzzing return to her ears as she met those familiar eyes. 

For in Johnny’s Little Bar, 2000 miles from her hometown, on Christmas Day Shane saw the person she least expected to ever see again. 

Her mother. 

* * *

Shane had spent every Christmas with her Grandmother. For her entire life and they all followed the same format. Everyone arrived in the early morning, buddled in pajama’s from travel or from waking up on uncomfortable guest beds. The TV was turned onto the morning football game as everyone opened presents. Chatting in the living room, the kitchen and the dining room with all bodies centered towards the TV no matter their location. Stories paused to ‘oo’ and ‘ahh’ and ‘cmon!’ at gifts and touchdowns.  A late lunch was served. Buffet style, main dishes cooked by Grandma, sides brought by all. Lunch eaten around the dining room table, TV still on. After the morning game came either the OG Christmas claymation movies or more football. 

Dishes piled in the sink then unofficial nap time. Stories continued in the living room, some already told, to a different audience or the same forgetful one. Shane’s father, uncle and great uncle dozing on their recliners. Shane having a quick doze in her Auntie’s or Grandma’s lap, hands stroking her hair.

Dessert, quick hugs and a long drive home. 

Except for the Christmas movies and football games this was how all family visits went. Change out the holiday themed activity, the rest of the day remained the same. Birthdays, Easter, Thanksgiving. Switch pie for lavish birthday cakes, Yukon Cornelius for egg hunts.  If they were feeling wild, a walk.

The location bouncing back and forth from her Nana’s and her Grandma’s. Then finally, just her Grandma’s after the funeral, a house sold, and a UHaul. Then another funeral, more UHAULs, and another house sold.

A couple changes to the schedule. No more early morning driving since her Grandma now lived with her Aunt and the room’s were getting quieter. Less noise over the TV. 

Now it was sometimes Auntie’s house, sometimes her house…until the divorce and another house sold. 

Then just her Aunt’s. 

The room actually a little louder without the oppressive presence of her mother. 

Fluffy dogs and small dogs, occasionally a temporary partner shifting in and out.

The room became smaller when a temporary partner became a permanent one. A UHaul moving her sister to Nevada. 

Another UHaul, but this time adding more space, when her Grandma bought a new house. Now they were all at Grandma’s house again. 

Small and warm, the TV still on, format of the day still the same. Just the core six of them left now. 

Through all the changes that weren’t really changes, Shane had spent all those Christmases with her Grandma. 34 Christmases.

Until this year, after another funeral and UHaul. 

* * *

Shane stared at her mother’s green eyes, her eyes, and felt her shoulders hunch up into her ears. 

“Mom…um, hi.”

“Shane….hi.”

Silence. 

It had always been that way between them. Silence or yelling. 

The last 10 years had been mostly silence. The last 3 pure silence.

“Lydia Ann, can you please help me unload this?”  A voice from the back broke silence causing them both to jump a little. 

“Yeah….Yeah, I will be there in a minute, just hold your horses.” She paused glancing back,  “Just take a seat right here and I’ll be right with you.”

Shane stumbled up to a seat, confirmed the bar was sticky and pulled out her phone. Had to begin planning her escape route.

She found her address in the stream of messages with Michelle-Apartment Lady. 

844 W St Claire Ave # 507 -2BD/2BA, Open Floor Plan with Large Living Room Window, located in the heart of Cleveland’s historic Warehouse District at newly renovated Worthington Square.

Her new home. 

A 4 min walk around of the block. 

 She could probably be home by the time her mother came back out from the back. 

8 minutes later her mother came back out, a look of surprise as she found Shane still sitting there. 

“Sorry, the unloading took a little longer than I thought. Jeremey decided to start unloading it himself and messed up my entire organization system. Which I don’t know how he did, because everything is LABELED!” She shouted the last words towards the back. “ What can I get you to drink?” She had her service smile on, Shane recognized it well. 

“How about something to warm me up? I can’t feel my fingers.” 

“How about a Chocolate Kiss? It usually comes with whiskey, peppermint and coffee, but I can make yours with hot chocolate.”

She got her distaste from coffee from her mother, another thing her Grandma had always disapproved of. 

“Yeah, that sounds great.”

Shane watched her mother over the bar as she worked. She looked...healthy. She moved quickly and even stopped to chat with a few other patrons at the end of the bar. Owners of those old wrinkled eyes. Snapping quick jokes as she cleaned up used glasses and swiped cards. Talking with strangers  behind the safety of work had one been one of the few gifts her mother had given her. 

“Do you want whip cream? I can’t remember if you like it.”

“Is it bagged or canned?”

“Bagged.”

“Throw it on.”

Lydia Ann set the drink in front of her, and twirled a dollop of whip cream and stood back proudly. She waited for Shane to take a sip before and smiled at her approving nod. “Good huh? Jeremey told me no one was ever going to order it, showed him cause now he lives off the things, but the nasty coffee ones.”

Her job over, the silence returned, twitching raised shoulders.

“Whose Jeremey?” Shane asked.

“Guy who owns the bar. We used to work together at the restaurant, then he moved out here to take over his Dad’s bar. Asked me to come with him.” 

“When?” 

Her mother pittered behind the bar. Cleaning with the obviously useless rag, counting out checks at the nearby register as she shared, “About 2 years ago. I like it, though I hate the cold. I’m part owner of the bar now.”

“Nice, congrats.” 

Shane sipped her drink and watched the football game as her mother began to cut lemons. 

“How did you end up here?”

“Moved about 2 weeks ago. Got a job teaching at Cleveland State. Also hate the cold, but like the area.”

Onto pulling the spouts of the soda pumps and cleaning them, “Nice, congrats. What are you teaching, Education?” 

“Nah, writing, if you can believe it.”

A pause as the whole bar cheered at the touchdown.

“So that was your book? Remember, Brianna, my old co-worker, she mentioned she saw your name on one at the store. Wasn’t sure if was you, neither was I.” She moved to washing dishes, scrubbing glasses and placing them on a drying rack. 

“Yeah, wrote a couple more, and decided to take a break from teaching the littles to try and teach adults.”

Another pause as the room yelled for a touchdown, this time a “Cmon!”

“You guys busy today?”

“Yeah, about to get busier. The night game is the Browns Steelers. Place gets pretty crazy. Christmas or not, people need a place to drink and yell at the TV.” 

“Especially on Christmas.” Shane smiled.

The bar was the cleanest it had probably ever been, and Lydia Ann fiddled with her dirty rag as she stared at Shane’s empty drink. 

“You want another one?” 

“Nah, don’t wanna pass out in the snow on the way home and freeze to death.”

A smile and then silence. Jobs all done, words weren’t coming as easy now. 

“Lydia Ann, I lost the reorder forms for the beer guy!” Jeremey yelled startling them again from their silence. 

Lydia Ann rolled her eyes with a relieved smile, “I should go help him, otherwise we will have 46 cases of Zima again.” 

“Umm yeah..do you guys have Apple Pay? I forgot my wallet.”

“Don’t worry about it, it’s on me.” Lydia Ann waved her hand and headed towards the back again. 

“Oh, thanks Mom. Umm,hey…” 

Lydia Ann paused at the open doorway to the back, glancing over her shoulder “Merry Christmas.” 

“You too kid. “ 

She smiled and stepped forward and out of sight.  Shane could hear her mother yelling “Don’t you touch my filing system Jeremy. Everything is just the way I want it.” Shane smiled, somethings never change. 

The bell announced her departure from the bar and she stepped out onto the slushy sidewalk. The snow had stopped, though the cold immediately whipped at her nose.  Bundled in her parka, sparkly beanie, gloves back on her hand and wrapped around her thermos of tea, which would forever disappoint her Grandma.

Tightness eased from her chest, shoulders lowered and stilled she headed back to her apartment. Sometimes all you needed was a hot drink and a walk around the block.

* * *