The Price of Silence

Thump, Thump, Thump, the walls were trembling uncontrollably as if fireworks were being set off in the apartment above Lara. Groaning, she threw a pillow over her head and tried to block out the noise. Nothing she did would make the sounds stop, nothing even quieted them; enough was enough, it was time to take action. The exercises were becoming far more frequent and they cost Lara about three hours of sleep that her exhausted mind desperately needed. With University exams in full swing, Lara had been up almost the entire night frantically reading her Physics textbook. If she didn’t get some rest soon, her body and brain were bound to fail her and she would never live her dream of getting accepted into med school. She was not about to let a selfish neighbor who apparently couldn’t find an acceptable hour of the day to exercise, take it from her. 

Feeling miserable and absolutely defeated, Janey crawled out of bed and slowly started her day. The faint pang of a hangover drummed at her ever so numb mind. Even though she drank, it was not enough to allow her the sleep she longed for with every part of her body.  Instead, she spent the entire night trying not to think about the loan payment, the rent that was due and, of course, the utilities bill that she would need to pay the following afternoon. As Janey tossed her frizzled hair into a ponytail and tied the laces to her favorite shoes, she tried to brainstorm any way to produce the money that didn't involve asking her abusive father for yet another extension to her loan. Swallowing hard, she tried not to think of the bruises, the pain, the misery. Her body collapsed to the floor, then she pushed up again releasing her frustration in a jump as she started her first set of burpees. 

Fuming and fully annoyed at her neighbor, Lara slowly rolled out of bed and started her morning routine. She couldn’t help but wonder if anyone else was also disturbed by the rude performance of acrobatics most mornings. Stepping into the shower, she welcomed the warm water over her sore, exhausted body. I cannot believe that when I first saw her moving in, I thought we might actually become friends.  Lara reflected as she tried to wash the tired out of her eyes that now looked more red than blue from all the straining she had been doing. It hadn’t taken long for her to realize that the girl upstairs was not a University student like herself. She seemed to work very strange hours and was hardly around. Lara suspected she had a drinking problem since she often found multiple empty wine bottles in the glass recycling bin. Lara actually felt a bit bad for the girl upstairs. She never saw her with any friends or family. She quickly pushed the thought away; she couldn’t lose focus because she felt empathetic. Lara reluctantly stepped out of the shower, dried herself off and grabbed a much needed cup of coffee. She took out paper and a pen and sat down at the kitchen table to write the letter. If she didn’t do it first thing, she would probably lose herself in her exams and studies and then tomorrow would start just as awful as today. 

Screeeeeeeech,  the tires of the bus made a loud whiney sound as Janey watched the bus pull away from the curb. Miserable and out of breath, she kicked a rock into the street in anger. That morning, she had gotten lost in her exercises, the only thing that made her feel somewhat human, and now because of it, she would be late to work. Buses were very infrequent this early in the morning, but she desperately needed the morning shift stocking the shelves at the grocery store. If she didn’t have this shift to rely on, she would never make it to the tavern for the afternoon shift on time. Having spent three long hard years studying law and failing miserably, Janey had a massive amount of debt to pay. Her father, who had forced her into law school, happily paid for her to study. However, when she quit, in a fit of rage and anger that had sent her to the hospital, he also decided that she would pay him every single cent that he had wasted on her. He had called her a garbage human who deserved to be sifting through the dumpsters. Shivering at the thought, Janey wrapped her arms around herself and started to run down the street. She had forgotten her jacket due to the rush and it was particularly chilly this morning. 

I am sure you also wish for me to have a clear head so I can pass my exams. Lara signed her name and sealed the letter. She was pleased with how she had explained her point of view in the letter. It would definitely get the point across, after all, it was just common courtesy to remain quiet until at least 9 am. She finished eating her bagel, then grabbed her school bag and set off for the day. Going upstairs first, she gently laid the letter in front of her neighbor's door. She cringed as she saw not one but two empty bottles laying next to the dirty welcome mat. Trying not to think about it too hard, Lara turned around and headed down the stairs feeling as if a burden had been lifted from her shoulders. She slipped into her car and when she revved the engine, she realized that she still had plenty of time before her Physics exam. Without hesitation, she planned a stop at her favorite coffee shop on the way. It would definitely help her fight off the extra tiredness from waking up monumentally early.

“You’re late,” her boss's shrill voice greeted her at the door. 

“Sorry” Janey muttered looking at the ground. “I missed the bus.” She felt her cheeks turning red.

“Still no excuse.” Tina’s nostrils flared with power. “It’s the fifth time you’ve been late this month.” Her voice was so condescending, Janey tried not to listen too closely. “You better watch yourself girl, you’re not irreplaceable you know, plenty of people will happily take the position.“  Janey didn’t give a reaction and this made Tina even more upset. “Probably out partying,” she retorted. “Well, hurry up won’t you, the shelves won’t stock themselves.”  

Janey muttered a “Yes, ma'am” and turned away listening as Tina’s scolding voice got fainter with each step.  Alone now, Janey pushed the heavy cart full of canned goods to aisle 6. It was an isolating job, Janey would have preferred to have the job of a cashier or even bagging groceries. At least then she would have some interactions. But, this was the earliest job available, and it was clear that Janey wasn’t winning anybody over anyway. With perfect precision, she meticulously placed can after can of beans on the shelf. Such a mundane job, she tried to stop her brain from wandering. His arm raised up over her head and she cowered, throwing her hands up in protection. THUD, THUD, THUD, Janey screamed out in surprise as a handful of cans came piling down on her. The shelf was too full and now she felt the pain from her daydreams. Grabbing the cans that had fallen to the floor, she slowly moved towards the next aisle. 

Beep, beep, beep. Confused, Lara picked her head up off the library table. Of course she had fallen asleep when she needed to be studying. Hastily, she turned off her alarm, grabbed her books and ran full force into her friend Jayde. 

“Lara?” Jayde questioned. “You look like shit, everything okay?”

“Yeah, I just can’t sleep these days, you know, stress and everything.” Lara pushed the image of her drunken exercising neighbor out of her head and tried to focus on what mattered in that moment.  

“If we head towards the exam hall now, we can stop for a coffee on the way,” Jayde suggested.  

“Good idea.” Lara figured one more coffee might very well be her saving grace, at least it couldn’t hurt. 

Trying to still her shaky fingers, Janey dialed the familiar phone number of her father. Tina had informed her on her way out that the paycheck that month may be late. Her last hope of being able to make the loan payment on time was crushed. His face glowered down at her in anger as if challenging her to console her mother who was collapsed on the floor, doubled over in pain.

“Janey,” his icy voice interrupted her vision, “to what do I owe this pleasure?”

“I can’t make your payment tomorrow.” Janey muttered through the receiver. 

“What was that? C’mon Janey, I always tell you that you cower during our conversations. How do you expect to earn people's respect? You have to at least pretend that you are an adult that has their life together. But who are we kidding really, you are of course calling me the day before your payment to me is due. What is the excuse this time? You got robbed? You spent it on drugs? Let me guess, you found a gorgeous dress you just had to have” 

“It’s out of my control,” Janey squeaked, barely audible. “My paycheck from the grocery store will be late.”

“Then go back to school and get a real job" His voice was so smooth, hissing at her like a controlling snake. “You always think you can abuse me just because I am your father. You get yourself into all these situations and expect me to bail you out time after time. Well, guess what Janey, I am done helping you out. You think you’re so smart that you don’t need school? Then you’re smart enough to figure this out on your own.  The payment is due tomorrow.” Janey felt the sting of his words like a slap to her face as the phone clicked and then went silent. He was right, she was worthless. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t make anything work. She was too dumb for law school, she chose unstable places for employment. As she sat there, numb, feeling nothing at all, she heard a burst of laughter and she couldn’t help but notice the two young ladies in front of her. They were talking and laughing, eyes shining. Sometimes touching hands, both were totally engaged, huge smiles spread across their faces and they glowed exuberantly with life. Janey looked down at her phone, she quickly scanned the numbers. Sadly, she realized that she didn’t have a single friend she could call. Gently putting her phone away, Janey tried once again to numb the pain.

Lara wracked her brain for the answers. She could already feel herself failing. It was a simple question, how come she couldn’t for the life of her produce an answer? She was just too exhausted. Her body and her brain were shutting down on her. Tick, tick, tick, she started to panic, she could hear the time passing, yet she was unable to produce anything. Nothing at all, the paper in front of her was completely blank.  She was losing it, she was about to fail her Physics exam. If she didn’t pass, she would need to retake Physics and wait another full year until she could pursue her dream. Feeling helpless, she lifted her pencil and started frantically writing. She was sure she wasn’t making any sense, but it was better than nothing at all. Lara was so upset with her upstairs neighbor. If she had any sense at all, she would head up at 5 am tomorrow and yell at her rather than leave a nicely worded letter. 

Janey piled dish after dish into the gigantic dishwasher. Such an ungrateful job, no one ever noticed her or thanked her for her efforts. No one except Marsha of course. 

“Hey weirdo” Janey was caught off guard, causing her to drop a plate. She watched helplessly as it shattered into a thousand pieces. 

Marsha rolled her eyes, “you’re such a clutz, if you could do anything right, you would be out front like the rest of us.” she laughed and spun around, leaving Janey on her knees shoveling glass into the dustpan, tears streaming down her face. She’s right, Janey thought sadly. She used to be a waitress making extra money in tips. She was horrible at the job, bad at communicating, clumsy and finally, when she spilled wine all over an important customer, she was demoted to the mundane job of dishwashing. Embarrassed yet desperate, she accepted the demotion and was dubbed the annoying clutz of the tavern. 

Exhausted after that ridiculous exam she most definitely was not at all prepared for, Lara rushed home as quickly as she could through the evening traffic jams. She dreamed of a nice hot bath, some pizza and an evening study session. Locking up her car, she saw her upstairs neighbor getting off the evening bus. This made Lara move a little bit quicker in order to avoid conflict. She hoisted her bag onto her back and ran up the steps, safely closing the door after her.  

Janey pressed the button as the bus pulled up to the familiar stop close to her apartment.  She thought she saw her neighbor who lived below her rushing inside as she approached. Janey knew they were similar in age, she always smiled politely when they crossed paths and Janey wished that maybe someday somehow they could become friends. Opening the door to her building, she headed up the steps, pausing briefly outside her neighbors door. She wondered what might happen if she knocked and said hi. She imagined her neighbor's smiling face inviting her in. She poured a glass of wine and they smiled and joked about everything. They became instant friends and Janey was able to forget her troubles, if only for a minute. Shaking the thought from her mind, she continued up the stairway. Reaching the top, she found a bright white envelope addressed to her. It was from the neighbor downstairs.  What a coincidence, had they had the exact same thought at the exact same moment? Ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump, filled with excitement and adrenaline, her heart began to beat faster, the only letters she received before this were bills.  Filled with curiosity, she frantically tore the letter open, hoping her daydream was about to become reality.

Lara gently leaned her ear on the door as she waited in anticipation for a reaction to her letter. Would she be greeted with rudeness, an angry visit perhaps? THUMP, she heard a  noise that sounded like the start of her neighbors exercise routine. She listened closer, ready to go up and confront her in person, but the noise did not continue like usual. Lara decided to head to bed early, hoping to give her mind the rest and recuperation it needed. 

Janey clutched the letter close to her heart as a tear escaped her overtired eye, her last dream of happiness had shattered in an instant.  Even the neighbor is annoyed by me, she thought to herself. She crumpled the letter, throwing it in the trash as she filled up yesterday's dirty glass with a fresh bottle of red wine. Exercise was her one escape from reality and she only had time for it early in the morning or super late at night. Pain, sadness and sorrow swept over her, she had nothing left to live for. A silent sob escaped her throat as she pressed send on her cellphone, her mother would understand. Everyone will be happier now, Janey thought to herself and smiled slightly as her lips embraced the cold plastic pill bottle, swallowing with a long, strained gulp.  

Lara felt vindicated when she woke up at 9 am to the faint sound of sirens outside her window. Feeling proud of her accomplishment, she poured herself a nice cup of coffee and headed towards the shower. Her brows furrowed in dismay as she realized the morning was not as noise free as she wished. Instead of the heavy thumping of her early morning exercising neighbor, the sirens rang shrill in the air. Peering out the window, her eyes grew large as she saw the still body of her upstairs' neighbor being loaded into an ambulance.