The Last Drink

It was a Friday night when I went to my local bar for a few drinks, it was the perfect place for me to wind down from a long week of hard work. I sat there at my usual stool, sipping away at the best beer in the world, a good old Budweiser. The taste brought a sense of relaxation, and yet I still felt a deep sadness, one that drinking couldn’t solve alone.

“You need another one after you're done?” The bartender asked as he tapped the counter in front of me.

It was Casey.

I knew Casey very well, he was my favorite bartender. What made him my favorite bartender wasn’t the fact that he gave me free drinks, which he gave me plenty of. The best aspect of him was the way he carried himself, then there were the moves he made when shaking drinks.

The man was someone who loved conversation, especially if it was him rambling on about his crazy conspiracy theories, the passion behind his beliefs made it hard for one not believe in him, no matter how crazy it sounded. He was a one of a kind type of guy. The kind of guy that you would want to invite to your wedding.

“Yeah sure.” I responded with confident words, but the emphasis in my tone lacked credibility. While I might have seemed cold, at least on the surface, it was normal behavior for me. The kind of guy I was would always seem cold and distant, almost to the degree one might think I was an antisocial freak.

“Coming right up” He paused and began making robotic movements. “All I need is your human money.” He sounded like an actor, coming straight from an old cheesy sci-fi movie, one that you had no choice but to laugh at, just due to the absurdly bad acting.

I placed the money on the table, ready to pass it over to Casey. “Wait.” A warm gentle touch caught my hand. My hand twitched back in a moment of hesitation. It was a woman's hand.

“Let me pay for your next drink” I almost wanted to say no. My ego found it weird to accept a gift from a woman, especially from a woman, it was typically the other way around. I was taught that a man was meant to charm the women and pay for her attention. Still, even with my reluctance, ultimately I accepted, who in their right mind could say no to such a pretty woman.

She really was a beautiful woman. Her hair was dirty blond, it was impossible for me to know for sure whether it was natural or not. But for me it didn't matter, having an attractive looking girl in your presence was really all that mattered.

After she paid there was a question on my mind I needed to know the answer to. “Why me?” She smiled and then giggled. She adjusted her hair over her ear, staring at me with a seductive look. I could see the look in her eyes as she bit her lip, while her eyes looked me up and down.

The look in her eyes told me all I needed to know. But, still I needed to know for sure, I didn’t want any room for assumptions and false hope. The last thing I needed was more depression, there was enough of that already in life.

“Why do you think?” I paused for a moment. Charm and charisma came easy for most guys, I on the other hand required a little more calculation for my thoughts.

“Perhaps I am the most deadly assassin in the world and you've been tasked to kill me.” She scoffed slightly and it led to me raising a brow “I guess I can take that for a yes?” She laughed.

I joined her in the laughter, she chatted a little more, eventually I learned her name was Lucy, and before Lucy and I knew it our drinks arrived. It wasn’t a moment too soon.

Lucy grabbed her margarita and I grabbed my beer, both of us were ready to drink our worries away or so I thought. “Let’s give a cheers. A celebration for keeping each other company. Does that sound good?”

“Sure, why not?”

“Cheers!”

After a few more drinks hit my system, everything in my memory related to the bar blended together, blurring the line between reality and a dream like fantasy, no pain, there was only one feeling, it was pleasure.

The last tangible memory I had was going to her place. It was a small apartment, we exchanged long romantic kisses, smothering each other with lustful intentions as our clothes scattered on the ground, leaving a trail to her bedroom.

I remember everything in her room vividly, like an artist painting on a blank canvas. One of my fondest memories was her candle that was lit on the dresser, it smelled euphoric or perhaps it was the lead up to the sinful act that caused my heart to pound. Either way I was having one of the best moments of my life.

The shadows of our dark acts faded into the serene silence of the night. I was out of bed once daylight hit my eyes and my face scrunched. Lucy remained laying as her white sheets covered her, she was peaceful in her rest, almost as if she were motionless. There was a part of me that wanted to stay, at least to say goodbye and yet I left without a word. It was better that way.

I was lucky it was only Saturday and that it was early. I still had time to make it home, if it was later or god forbid Sunday then I would truly be living in nightmare.

When I made it home there was something in my gut, a phantom pain. I swallowed my spit as I pulled my house keys from my pocket. I held the keys firmly as the pins raised and the tumbler rotated, unlocking the door.

I took a moment to pause, closing my eyes to pray. “Let’s do this” My eyes opened and the door swung open and I faced my fears.

“Welcome home, babe.” She heard the door notification from our security system and greeted me as she normally would. She was making breakfast like always. She came over to me and kissed me, our lips touched, just like with lucy. I had to maintain our routine, otherwise she would know something was off.

“How was your trip?” She smiled.

“It was good.” She went back to cooking. “Turns out my dads adjusting pretty well to the nursing home.” Hearing her words nauseous, it was hard to remain standing, knowing everything I had just done.

I took a seat at the kitchen counter, burying my face in my hands, trying to pull down the guilt from my expression.

“Did you hear what I said?”

“What?”

“My dad? The nursing home, remember?”

“Oh…Yeah, how is he doing?” She scoffed.

“Men really don’t listen do they?” Her arms folded, looking at me with killer eyes.

“I’m sorry…It's been my work lately.” She appeared to still be a little agitated, but I seemed to reassure her slightly. I pulled her closer, clinging to her palms. I looked her in the eyes and told her the truth, my truth.

“I love you.” That made her smile.

“I love you, too.” Her words hurt, but it reminded me who I loved and why she could never know about Lucy or what we did. I was going to die with that secret.

After that day life went on for a whole year. Everything was going great, work was better and I worked so hard to improve my marriage with Beth. It seemed like everything was finally falling into place. We were even planning to have a child of our own.

That was until I heard three dreadful words.

“Who is Lucy?” Hearing the name felt foreign. I knew who it was, but it was like hearing about someone that was dead, a person that was like a distant memory. I was taken back to the point it was hard to speak, while trying to explain the indefensible.

“What” That was all I could say.

She didn’t need to say a word, the look in her eyes said it all. In that instance reality set in for me. The deepest sadness you can feel is the moment when you realize you fucked up in your relationship, when you can’t even recognize the eyes of the person you love.

“She’s having your baby.” She threw divorce papers in my face.

“Sign it, then get the fuck out.”

I wanted to deny her, try and fight for our love, but it was too late. The moment our marriage ended was the night I slept with Lucy. I made my bed and was forced to sleep in it. I signed the paper and walked out.

“I’m sorry.”

“Fuck you.” Those were the last words I heard when the door slammed shut.

I didn’t even bother going to court, trying to fight. The hurt of losing the love of my life was more than enough pain that I could barely bear. In the end all I was left with was a child, one I loved but felt deep regret for.

Sometimes I wished I never did the things I did with lucy, but if I didn't then I wouldn't have a child that I loved more than anything in the world.