California Christmas

It was warmer than I remembered and it was a little disappointing. I had come to really love the snow and real white Christmases. Nothing here had ever felt right, it always felt like something had been missing. But it was too late, I had already made the choice to be here for Christmas. 

I drove through the familiar streets noticing all the changes that had been made through the small city of Ventura. I wondered how many of my school friends were still here. I turned left and into the old neighborhood I used to know so well. Most of the houses looked the same but with different cars out front. Not that I could have named the cars of my neighbors from childhood. 

When I parked, I sat in the car for a minute staring up at my childhood home. It looked the same. It had the same beautiful birds of paradise out front that Dad had planted. My parents' dusty old Hondas sat quietly in the driveway. Dad had hung up the same string of colorful Christmas lights around, covering all the plants and palm trees as well. I always thought it was a bit silly to decorate a palm tree as if it was the same as an evergreen tree. But I never wanted to say anything and hurt my Dad’s feelings. 

I forced myself out of the car and went to knock on the front door. My mom was still wearing her baking apron that was covered in flour. Her hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail. I was surprised at how long it had gotten. Her eyes seemed to glitter like brown zircon. 

“Lidia, you came!” she cried out, pulling me down for a hug. I pulled her in close and smelled the familiar smell of citrus and cookies. 

“Of course I came. I told you I was coming home for Christmas,” I replied. I pulled away from her but she kept her hands on my shoulders, examining me as if it’d been years since she had seen me. I tried to think about it, it might have been a year but certainly not more. 

“Well, it’s a long flight all the way from the Orkney Islands. Can you really blame me if I thought you might cancel?” 

I sighed and didn’t argue. When I walked in the place smelt of cookies, frosting and some sort of grilled meat. These were the familiar smells of Christmas. I turned the corner and saw my Dad in his usual spot. The TV was on but he was staring through his glasses at his phone screen. 

“Hi Daddy,” I called out. He looked up now and a wide smile spread across his face accenting the new wrinkles. 

“Hi pumpkin,” he replied, standing up now to come over and hug me. I breathed him in deeply. This consistent smell of coffee and aftershave was so comforting, for a moment I forgot why I stayed away so long. 

“So tell us, Lidia, how’s life on the islands? Have you met anyone interesting? Are you still working that job of yours?” my Mother asked, resuming her spot in front of the stove. I sighed and moved to sit at the counter. 

“I have friends out there, if that’s what you mean.” I knew full well that wasn’t what she meant. “Yes, I’m still at my job. I love it and it’s going well. How’s retired life going for you all?” 

“Oh it’s wonderful. I get to spend a lot of time with my grandbabies and your father has been working a lot in the garden,” she answered, not looking away from the stove. “Have you thought anymore about having kids?” 

I rolled my eyes internally. I wanted to scream at her but I remained still and collected with my practiced stone face. 

“I have not changed my mind about not having children, no. I would also need, you know, a partner. That kind of thing takes two,” I reminded her. She turned and looked at me with a saddened expression and touched her hand to her heart. 

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to remind you that you’re still single.” She looked truly perturbed, like she thought my chances of finding anyone had long since passed. I stared at her with stone eyes. 

“I’m actually fine, thank you.” 

“You’re not wearing that tonight, are you?” she asked, taking a look at my outfit now. I didn’t think I looked too bad. It was a simple jeans and t-shirt combo but knowing my mother, she probably thought I looked like I’d spent the last few months living on the streets. 

“No, I have a dress for tonight. In fact, I’m going to go shower and change,” I said, slamming my hands on the table and standing up. My mother smiled at me, clearly approving of my choice. I walked away and disappeared down the hall and into the bathroom. 

… 

It had been almost three years since I’d walked into a church and yet as I walked in it felt as if I’d never left. The Christmas decorations and candles were the same. The soft sound of Carol of the Bells filled the hall and it all just felt more like Christmas despite the heat outside. As I looked at the people I started to notice all the stares and wide eyes. I groaned internally and mentally prepared myself for all the repetitive conversations. 

We took our seats in the front row - the only option for my Mother - and waited for the worship leader to start. I kept my eyes forward through most of the service, trying to avoid acknowledging anyone. I was not looking forward to the 20 or so grandmothers that wanted to see how I was doing and if I was married or not. I rolled my eyes at the thought and a familiar smile came into view. 

I turned now and looked at this man standing in the aisle across from me. There was something familiar about him. Something I couldn’t quite place and he was looking at me as if he knew me well. 

When the service was over, he was the first to appear in front of me, saving me from many unwanted conversations. 

“Lidia?” he questioned, as if he wanted to confirm I was indeed who he was thinking. 

“Yes, I’m sorry, you look so familiar but I can’t place you,” I responded. I was glad to see that didn’t diminish his smile. 

“It’s Daniel,” he answered. My eyes widened and it all came flooding back. I remembered playing with him after church and running through the mud with him. I remembered his Grandmother blaming me for being a ‘bad influence’. He had been my first love, though we were too young to even know what that meant. 

“Daniel, I can’t believe you’re still here,” I replied, my voice was in a quiet whisper now. His smile widened. 

“Well, I don’t live here now, I’m actually working in England - London to be exact. I’m just here for Christmas and well, I was hoping you’d be here too.” He put his hands in his pocket and I could see, even in the dim light, his cheeks darken. 

“Really? Why?” I could feel my face starting to flush as well. 

“I know it’s silly, we were kids back then but I’ve never been able to get you out of my mind. You’re, like, my first love, something I’ve held onto. I’ve always dreamed what it might be like to reconnect with you,” he answered. His sheepish expression became more intense. I could feel more blood rushing quickly to my face. 

“Actually, I’ve always felt the same,” I replied. “How long are you in town? Maybe we could get together?” 

“I’m in town for a week,” he stated and his expression dropped, “but then I need to head back to London. I imagine that’s a little unrealistic to think we could have anything more than a few meetups here.” 

I smiled wider and reached out instinctively to take his hand. 

“Actually, I live in the Orkney Islands. My job is remote. It’s not that unrealistic at all.” 

He looked up now with new hope in his eyes and took my other hand. We stood there holding hands and staring at each other as if just the look could erase all the years we had been apart. It felt like Christmas had brought me home just for this moment. 

“Well, let me give you my number and you can call me when you’re free,” he said, finally breaking the moment. 

I pulled my cell phone from my clutch and took down the number he gave me. 

“I’ll call you,” I said, putting my phone away. Daniel reached over and kissed my cheek. 

“Merry Christmas, Lidia,” he whispered, lingering closer to my face. I could feel his warm breath on my cheek and it took all my willpower not to lean forward and kiss him. I could only hope he might do that in the future. 

“Merry Christmas.”