My fault

           This is all my fault. I do blame my nephew though. This is all my fault. I'm being evicted from my home, losing all my friends, my cell phone and ipad, my girlfriend, my meals, my cleaner, my future. My nephew had to tell my parents the “good news”. I should give him a fat lip. Fuck America. The constitution applies to everyone but me. Fuck America.  Kill the parents and my sister's family. All they had to do was nothing. Nothing. Don't talk about it. We need to tour this other facility where my parents think I'll be happy. Shitty gym with a quarter of the equipment of the gym I'm at now, no garbage disposal, no dish washer, oh, and I've lost all control over my own money. Then, they wonder why I'm anti-semetic. Kill the kikes. All they had to do was keep their mouth shut and I would have gotten a contract, appealed, got married, bought a house, had two cars in the garage, a family. The American dream, but my nephew had to open his big, fat mouth. Son-of-a-bitch.

           My new home has a shared kitchen. I had my coffee maker in the kitchen since that's the place to have the coffee pot. Until, after hearing my neighbor say the same shit over and over at the top of his lungs, I told him to shut the fuck up, he broke my coffee pot on the floor which I had to clean up. When I got a new coffee pot, I moved all my dishes and glasses into the bedroom and my coffee pot into the bathroom. This is all my fault.

           See, I trusted my parents.  They told me if I trusted them with legal guardianship, they wouldn't abuse it. They'd just help me if I got in trouble. They wouldn't treat me like a dog on a leash, but that's what they did. I can't eat something unless they think it's good for me, I can't use an anti-persperant, since they want me to use deoderant, I can't have friends, e-mail, or Facebook, because what if they don't like my friends. They're Jewish and that's why I'm anti-semetic. Kill the kikes. 

           This is all my fault. My girlfriend's facing homelessness because I fucked up and then I fucked up again by trying to start a church, but I used copyrighted material and was disbarred. Life sucks. This is all my fault. I look on the counter: Aceteminaphine. Maybe that's the answer is aceteminaphine. See, aceteminaphine is metabolized in the liver, not the kidney. The kidney just pisses it out, whereas the liver keeps it, which is why the bottle says to take up to six pills every three hours. Aceteminaphine. I mean, I'm never allowed to get married or have friends. My legal guardians took away my planner and my cell phone since they didn't like my friends. Kill the kikes. Oh, but they think I'll make new friends they'll approve of. Bullshit. I'm done making friends. I'm done having my heart broken. The answer is death. In the next world, there are no legal guardians, I hope. 

           My girlfriend had a gun and I had access to it, but I didn't know what calliber it was or I would have bought bullets at the local gun shows. Every night I pray the same thing: “Tonight I have died of a myocardial infarction of the interior wall of the right ventricle.” It's from the movie Schizopolis. This is all my fault. See, the time I'm happy is when I'm sleeping and the nightmare begins when I wake up.  My screaming next door neighbor wakes up at 6:30 am saying the same phrase over and over, loud. 

           I asked to see a psychiatrist and they put me on 24 hour suicide watch and anti-depressants. They administer my medication here to keep me safe and lock the doors every night at 9 pm to keep me safe, but I'm afraid of the people inside this hell hole, not outside. The person across from me is a kleptomaniac. He stole my coffee creamer. I can't even buy non-food items at the supermarket unless my case manager approves. This place the kikes moved me is like communism. I don't have control of my money; I have to wait three weeks to see a doctor if they can fit me in, I have to work at an ALC for no pay, because they don't want me to lose these fucking benefits, and they won't let me relax at the end of the night because of mandatory room checks to make sure my room is clean. Can't have privacy. That would be asking too much. When I go outside to get away from my neighbor, there's a female stalker who doesn't understand boundaries and borders.

           Then, there's my workaholism. I get up every day at 5 am, urinate, start an app on my phone, workout, study index cards, do a brain training app, do a crossword app, do a diet app, do a color by number app, work out more, get on the treadmill with interval training, more color by number and learning Spanish on an app. I meditate with a music app. Then, I shower with the meditation app in the background. I dry myself, do a healing meditation, career direction meditation, communication medition, forgiveness meditation, and psychokinesis meditation. I eat, track my food, wash up, and go to the fucking morning meeting where a bunch of morons ask stupid questions. I do an art class, go home, practice guitar and magic tricks, check stuff at the computer lab, practice drums, and burn gourds (art), then get lunch to go and read 20 pages of a book. I volunteer Monday, Wednesday and Fridays. I'm in the choir, echulaly, Special Olympics, 5 K, a talent show, I'm in everything. All I want is to go back to my old home and have my girlfriend and more freedom. 

           She could make my bed, I can't. She could fold my laundry. I can't. She could calm me down when I was angry and massage me. She would cuddle with me. I miss that. It's better to be disabled surrounded by people who aren't disabled than to be disabled and surrounded by people who are more disabled. It gives me room to grow. Here, my mind is shrinking. They can't even do simple improv games like Freeze, because they're idiots. 

           But, thank God, now my legal guardians can feel safe.  I can't e-mail anyone they don't like or call anyone they don't like. At least three people here have CD players. It's 2022, who the hell still has CD players? Idiots. It's like being in prison, but I can go outside. But, every day, it feels like they care about what they need to do to keep their license, instead of what they can do to please the customers.

           Other residents here have tried running away, but they always get caught. The police come after them. I could go AMA, but I'd starve and all my stuff would be thrown away. I hate America and I hate kikes. Kill them all. To freedom.