Us

And there it was.

Life, crumbling around us, going up in flames, devouring us. Burning our lungs with smoke, it must have not only been the material things around us that were filling the air with a vibrant, pungent smell, but the fire within us, one that may have never burnt as brightly as I had prayed for it to.

For a moment I had allowed myself to believe that it would have been fine in the end, that we could’ve prevailed. Just for a moment, I had made it seem possible to myself that we weren’t doomed to die. Not like this, not ever.

But as I held your stiff body in my trembling arms, I knew that I had been wrong. We would have never made it out of here alive, not together. Maybe I would have had a chance to live if I had taken the opportunity to run, but you never stood a chance, and I couldn’t leave you behind. I just didn’t have it in me.

You were almost unrecognizable. Your skin was burnt, and open wounds marked your body beautifully, red, glistening blood mixing with the dirt in almost an artistic way. Your eyes, your pretty, dark eyes – they were too still, not observing your surroundings anymore in a way that made me jealous of your ability to predict almost every move. There was too little life in them now for me to appreciate their true beauty anymore.

I could feel the rubble under my legs, digging into my skin through the ripped-up fabric of my pants. I was painted with blood too; but it wasn’t nearly as beautiful as yours. Not nearly as pristine.

My fingers gently traced your jawline, feeling the slowly fading warmth that your body was still holding. Traced along your neck, and your collarbone, and your chest. I had always admired your tattoos. They weren’t in good shape anymore after having adorned your skin for years, but they still made you look like you. Indubitably you.

They didn’t have any particular meaning. They were simply meant to make you look tougher, designed to make you seem dangerous, even. To intimidate the people around you, and on some people it worked, giving you grim stares on the street, especially older people who were too stuck up to appreciate true beauty even when it hit them right in the face.

But they didn’t work on me, they never had. I had always seen your true self. The one I had loved dearly, the one I had sworn to never give up, to always be right where you were. And I was.

Before all this, before everything, there could have been an us. An actual us. I had always known you so well, better than you had known yourself. I knew that roses were your favorite flower. The white ones. I knew everything about you. Your favorite birds were sparrows; you had always liked to watch them in the park, just like I liked to watch you. I loved to see your face, whenever a smile tugged on your lips, whenever you cried and needed comfort, even when you were just blankly staring into nothingness, I was always there, and you knew I was.

That’s why I made you the necklace with the little bird engraved in the pendant. I made it specifically for you, wasting hours upon hours on perfecting it. It felt cold in my hands, the blood on my hands staining the material, but it didn’t matter now, for it was finally where it belonged.

The clasp closed easily around your neck, the jewelry resting against your bruised skin peacefully. It was like it was always supposed to be right there, the little sparrow sitting right above your heart like it was protecting you.

Why did you refuse to wear it? Why didn’t you love me?

It was the question that burned in my heart even stronger than the walls burning down around us, but there was no answer for it now. And I suppose it didn’t matter anymore, not when we were both about to be eaten alive by flames, both of us, together, like it was supposed to be all along.

The flames were touching the ceiling, and I tilted my head upward to watch the smoke escape through the open window to turn into thick, dark clouds; fading away like my soul had a long time ago. And with it faded the last bit of my hope for us to be together in the way I wanted us to be. This would have to do now, this was the best we could do. Until death do us part.

Every bit of life in this place, in you, had fled already. There was only the sound of crackling fire, and through the cotton that seemed to enclose my ears, I could hear the familiar sirens in the far distance.

Maybe it was time for me to leave. Or maybe, it was time to stay right here and burn with you. Take this chance, of you being with me. You would never leave me now. We would be united for all eternity, together, never to be alone again. We could’ve had that while you were alive, but you had ruined it. Ruined any chance you would’ve had at true happiness, if only you had seen me for who I really was, maybe then you would’ve appreciated me more.

I didn’t have a choice. There had been no way for me to have you, you had been too stubborn to see it. We would’ve never made it together. It was your fault, really. It didn’t have to end like this.

My eyes fell back onto you, you and the necklace that suited you so well. Next to you, the burnt match that had started this beautiful tragedy.

I did always appreciate how smart you were. How observant and careful. You had always seen me coming.

Not this time, though.