Echoes of Solitude

8:40 a.m.

The blaring alarm clock rattles in his ear, pulling him from the depths of sleep. His vision slowly fades into color as the room materializes before him, and he blinks away the remnants of slumber. The crimson and emerald tassels sway gently against the vent, which blows cold air into the surprisingly hot spacecraft.

He slips out from under the gray covers and swings his legs over the edge of the bed, planting his feet onto the cool metal floor. He spreads his toes and wiggles them, a small chuckle escaping his lips. "R.I.C.E, turn on the lights," he commands. The room illuminates, the brightness momentarily overwhelming before dimming to a more tolerable level. The robotic voice chimes in through the speakers. "Sorry about that, Alex. Hopefully, this setting is better suited. Good morning."

"Good morning. Yes, this is better. Give me the updates," he murmurs, meandering toward the en suite bathroom to brush his teeth. The toothpaste is bubblegum flavored— he hates mint. "If you head out onto the observatory deck, you will be able to see Saturn in approximately two hours. At 11 a.m., there will be a party on floor 3 to celebrate Captain Reyes's birthday. You also have a message from Victoria. Would you like me to play it?"

"Yes."

He spits into the sink and pours some blue mouthwash into his mouth, nearly choking when he hears Victoria’s voice. He quickly rushes back into the bedroom to watch the accompanying video being projected onto his wall.

“It’s one in the morning, and I know you’re asleep, but I just had a dream about you,” her red hair is disheveled and pulled back from her face. Her nightgown is gripped tight in her hands as she rolls onto her stomach, her face still in the camera. “Come find me at breakfast, and maybe I’ll tell you about it.”

Alex hurries to get dressed, and his boots are barely laced up by the time he’s rushing down the hallways of the sleeping quarters and on his way to the dining hall. He exchanges passing greetings with fellow crew members, his mind preoccupied with Victoria’s message. He nods in acknowledgment to a man with a bushy gray beard and offers a friendly wave to a woman adjusting her uniform.

He spots Victoria in the crowds of mingling bodies loading plates with food at the buffet. His pace quickens, a faint flutter of anticipation stirring in his chest. He approaches her with a warm smile and covers her eyes from behind.

“Guess who?” He teases, attempting to deepen his voice as if she wouldn’t recognize him immediately. She giggles, pretending to ponder for a moment before replying, “Hmm. I wonder…”

Alex removes his hands, and she turns around to face him. She leans in and plants a soft kiss on his cheek, and he blushes under her gentle touch. “Good morning, sleepyhead,” Victoria says with a smile, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “Your shampoo smells really good.”

Alex’s brow furrows in confusion, a subtle pang of unease tugging at his thoughts. He was in such a rush to see her that he hadn’t even showered yet. Before he can voice his confusion, Victoria quickly corrects herself. “I mean, your laundry detergent. You’re just so tall that I can never tell when the smell comes from your hair, aftershave, or your clothes!” She quips, her laughter tinkling like metallic wind chimes.

He brushes it aside. “Right, of course,” he replies with a forced smile. She frowns, then places a mug of coffee on the table next to them. “Alex, I didn't mean anything by it. It was a genuine accident. And if you’re gonna be pouty all day, you’re never gonna know what I did to you last night…”

This catches his attention, and he shifts his collar in an attempt to cool himself down. “Fine,” he says, lifting his coffee to his face. He never drinks it; he just enjoys holding the mug and chatting with her. She gets him one every day, and he doesn't have the guts to tell her that he can’t drink it. He likes being with her in these mundane moments. He doesn’t want to ruin that.

As breakfast comes to an end, Alex stands amidst the bustling dining hall and listens to the mingling conversations that ebb and flow around him. To his left, a group of engineers huddle together, their heads bent in animated discussion. Their voices rise and fall, punctuated by the occasional burst of laughter or enthusiastic hand gesture. Charts and schematics hover in the air around them, projected by displays that flicker with data and calculations.

To his right, a cluster of holograms mingle with the human crew. They laugh and chat with their organic counterparts, seamlessly integrated into the fabric of daily life aboard the spacecraft. He catches snippets of gossip and banter. Despite the lively atmosphere, unease gnaws at the edge of Alex’s consciousness. He’s in a room full of people, and he still feels alone. He always does.

He watches the mingling crowds with a sense of detachment, as if he’s observing them from a distance, a spectator in his own life.

But as the time for the party draws near, Alex pushes aside his doubts and joins the throng of people making their way to the third floor. The black doors are pulled open, and the bass of music fills the hallway. Everywhere Alex looks, there are decorations adorning the walls and ceiling, creating a kaleidoscope of colors that dance in the flickering light.

There are roughly a hundred people here, yet Alex’s gaze is drawn inexorably to the person of honor. Captain Reyes stands tall, his face well-groomed and his black uniform tight against his muscles. His heart skips a beat as he catches sight of him, a rush of memories flooding his mind. Reyes’s gaze surveys the room, and once they land on Alex's, he begins to approach.

Alex feels a sudden surge of self-consciousness, acutely aware of Victoria's presence by his side. With a quick glance and a gentle nod, he sends her off to fetch drinks.

Alone with Reyes, they smile at one another. Genuine and unguarded. Reyes has always been real to him. “Alex, it’s good to see you,” Reyes says, his voice tinged with warmth as he clasps Alex's shoulder. “How have you been?”

He returns the smile, though beneath the surface, there is a storm of emotions raging within him. “I’ve been good, Reyes. Really good.” He watches Reyes closely, searching for any sign of discomfort or hesitation, but the captain's demeanor remains unchanged. His easy charm is masking any potential hidden turmoil.

Unable to contain his curiosity any longer, Alex broaches the subject that has been weighing on his mind since he entered the room. “Reyes, I have to ask… Does it feel weird to you, seeing me with Victoria?”

Reyes’s response is immediate, his expression one of genuine confusion. “Why would it feel weird, Alex?” He replies genuinely. “You’re happy, aren't you? That’s all that matters.”

But Alex can’t shake the feeling of guilt that threatens to consume him. He shifts his feet and runs a hand through his hair. “Well, yeah… But–but we had something, Reyes,” he says, his voice barely above a whisper. “And now I’m with her. Doesn’t that bother you?”

Reyes’s brows furrow in confusion as his gaze searches Alex’s face for a sign of understanding. “Bother me?” He repeats, “Alex, do you want me to be upset?”

And in that moment, Alex realizes the truth of Reyes’s words. He wants him to be angry, to feel betrayed, but instead, he’s met with understandable and amiable attitudes. “Yes! You should be upset or jealous when I walk into a room with her!”

Reyes steps forward, his brows still furrowed. “Why would I do that?”

“Because that’s what normal people do!”

“I’m not a normal person, Alex,” Reyes speaks softly, his words hanging in the air like a lingering echo. But before he can say more, Alex cuts him off. “I have to go,” he says abruptly, his voice choking with emotion.

He turns away swiftly, leaving Reyes behind amidst the throng of revelers. Victoria sees him and follows close behind until Alex stops at the edge of the hall away from people. “Are you okay?” she asks softly, her voice filled with worry.

Alex can't find the words to respond; his mind is consumed. Without a word, he takes her hand and leads her away. They step into her dimly lit bedroom, and the door slides shut behind them with a soft hiss.

The atmosphere is charged with anticipation as they move toward the bed, fluid and synchronized. With practiced ease, they undress each other, and their hands explore the familiar curves and contours.

Even as she trails kisses down his neck and every piece of exposed skin, he can’t escape the disconnect. She is every fragment of his desires, and still, it’s not enough. He has to put in the work every time to make it feel real, to feel the sparks against his skin from warm hands. No matter how hard he tries, and she tries, there's always that lingering sense of emptiness.

After they finish, they lie intertwined in the aftermath, breaths coming in ragged gasps. She brushes a lock of red hair from her forehead, her gaze searching his face for answers. “You’ve been acting strange lately.”

Alex hesitates, unsure of how to voice the turmoil raging within him. “I just… I feel so alone, Victoria,” he confesses, his words heavy with emotion. “Even with you here with me…”

Victoria’s expression softens, her eyes filled with understanding. “Alex, I’m here for you. Always. That’s my purpose, to be by your side for as long as you need me.”

Before Alex can respond, a low battery warning flashes across his field of vision, jolting him out of his reverie. Panic grips his chest as he leaps from the bed and frantically searches the room.

“What are you doing?” She asks, her voice filled with worry. “I’m trying to find a charger!” Alex replies urgently, his hands shaking as his eyes begin to water and blur his vision. He tears through the room in a desperate frenzy. He’s searching for the only lifeline to keep him tethered to this bliss for a little while longer.

In his frantic state, he trips over something on the floor, sending him crashing to the ground. He stares at the fluorescent lights on the ceiling as a chime and robotic voice come through. “Powering off.”

Everything is dark.

He lays there, eyes closed as a single tear slides down the expanse of his cheek.

His vision fades to color as he reluctantly removes the headset, blinking as reality comes flooding back. The room is dark, a stark contrast to the world he just left behind. An old pizza box sits on the coffee table, surrounded by empty soda cans and discarded takeout containers.

His apartment is a mess, the air heavy with the scent of neglect. His eyes locate the longer charger cord, and he plugs it in. He’ll have to wait at least 10 minutes before he can go back in. Before he can go back home.

The world stills as he watches the clock, his legs jittery. And once the red light turns green, he dons the headset once more, and the darkness fades away.

He blinks, readjusting his eyes. He’s still lying on the floor, the fluorescent lights blinding. Her red hair is pulled into a ponytail as her lips part. “Welcome back, Alex! Wanna continue where we left off?”