Seconds

I should have guessed that about Anna the second I met her. 

I was working a crap job, fast food burger joint. I had gotten hired way back at the start of high school and planned to be there until the end of my degree. Lucky me, living in a big city that my high school, job, and college are local.

  Fifth year into my employment - which (spoiler) ended at year eight - I was a lower manager in the store, a high step-up from the “front counter kid” I started as. In fact, I was the guy who did most of the on-job training for the new “front counter kids”.

That’s where Anna comes in. She had just moved to my city as a college freshman. And even though she was 18 and therefore allowed to use all the machines in the store and work pretty much any hours, she was a front counter kid. 

I was in charge of her on her second day at the store. When she came in, I introduced myself to her and explained that I was her trainer for the day. I asked her to go over everything she learned on her first day and then I asked if she had ever worked a job like this one before.

That’s when she told me she’d never had a formal job before, she’s only babysat on occasion. She said her parents didn’t want her to work in high school because they wanted her to focus on academics. So, she could go to a good school. But now that she was at her second-choice college, she wanted to work part time to have a little extra money.

Over the next few weeks, we chatted when we saw each other at work. I always made a point to be friendly with the new people so they would feel more comfortable while they got to know everyone else there. I learned that she was in the pre-law program at school and wanted to go on to be a judge someday. 

Anna said constitutional law was her favorite thing to study.

She had a younger brother and sister, twins in eighth grade. They lived with her parents about four hours away from the city. She was living in the dorms on campus. She took the bus to work. 

We became friends, getting on well when we worked together. Some of my other buddies at the job would offer to go out for a midnight snack at a diner after close. I’d invite Anna on the Friday nights. She didn’t close on weeknights or Saturdays. 

One night over Thanksgiving break, Jamie wanted to have a party. But he had two roommates who had massive papers and didn’t want to deal with loud drunk people all night. But I had a studio all to myself so I hosted. Jamie helped by bringing the food and booze. 

Anna heard about it, of course. We were all friends with her too. And I didn’t think she’d take me up on it, but I invited her.

She did. 

And it was an awesome party. We played drinking games, Anna won a Just Dance tournament, and then we walked down the street to the cookie store. We all crashed on my floor then went to a diner the next morning for hangover cures. A few from the group went home for Thanksgiving the next morning, including Anna, while a couple of us had to run the store since it was always open for Thanksgiving. 

Anna and I started hanging out more outside of work. She was open to some more rebellious activities. We drank together, smoked together. We were close. She was my best friend.

I binge-watched her favorite show to catch up and we caught the new episode every week. She got into my favorite band after hearing them so much and saw their show with me when they were in town. 

I knew that she felt like her family had a chokehold on her life.

She had dirty blonde hair that she always wore in a loose braid. It was the kind that was like tied into her hair down the back of her head then was regular when it started down her neck. She had brown eyes that almost always had a little bit of eyeliner making them look bigger. 

Outside of work, she always wore simple jeans, either blue or black, and t-shirts. When it got cold, she added a cardigan. She had tons of them, collecting them was like a hobby for her. Her favorite ones were all vintage.

She was out of town for winter break. I spent a night at my mom’s place but mostly just stayed between work, home, and my friends over break.

Anna got back into the city in time to watch our show at my place when it started back up. Without school or work in the morning, we followed it with a movie marathon.

We carried on as friends and co-workers for months. Then she came back from spring break. For a few days, she was bummed out. She said there was a family fight while she was with her parents.

A few more days passed and it was time for our show. We watched it together then Anna stayed over for a little while longer and we had some drinks. Then some more.

She kissed me. And I was stoked. I felt myself start to fall in love.

It was my second day at my first job. I was about to start college at my second choice, which I was trying to not let disappoint me too much. I got a part time job at the fast food spot near my dorm so I would have some extra money. 

My parents were taking care of my housing and sending me money for food every week. 

I was just walking into the restaurant and as I was hanging up my coat and keys, I could hear someone laughing loudly. I looked over and saw three guys standing in a circle. One of them, the one laughing, was a short guy with blonde hair.

“You’re terrible!” He wheezed.

Another guy spoke, “Sparta, I hate you so much it’s unreal.” He was a little taller than the other guy, he had lots of freckles all over his face and arms.

Finally, I looked at the guy who hadn’t said anything. He was tall. His hair was dark and shiny. He had an undercuts, with the sides buzzed down nearly to his scalp and the top portion of his hair probably long enough to tie back.

He also had a ring in his nose, a few more in the upper cartilage of his right ear, and something dangling from the other end of his left ear. I saw tattoos on his arms, some obvious and others peeking out from under his sleeves. They made his arms look muscular.

“I’m not wrong, though. Now remember kids, don’t be silly, wra- oh… Hi, there!” 

“Hi.” I waved awkwardly back.

“I am so sorry.” He shuffled past the other guys. “ I didn’t even see you come in. You’re the new girl, Anna, right?”

“That’s me.”

“Good to meet you, I’m Roman. I’m in charge of you for the day.”

“You too.” I smiled.

He stayed with me for the rest of the shift and after that, he always said “hi” to me whenever he saw me. If we were working near each other for a shift, we chatted. We had a lot in common, both going to the same school and everything.

Over the next few weeks, we became better friends. I didn’t work nearly as much as he did, I mean Roman was a manager after all, but he was there most days I was. He started inviting me to the post-close hangouts and I became better friends with all of his other work buddies.

We started hanging out outside work too. It started with me offering to help him with one of his science classes - I got a five on every AP science back in high school - and he also helped me with navigating the school’s stupid advisor directory. Then he invited me to a party over Thanksgiving break where I drank for the first time.

I loved spending time with Roman. He felt like freedom. My parents barely even let me have friends in high school unless it had something to do with school and my grades. Watching my favorite show with him or smoking weed in his apartment to his favorite album was so liberating. 

Our friendship was growing throughout the whole year. And despite both of our constant insistence that we were only friends, I couldn’t shove down this feeling that there was something else there. I mean, he was just so nice.

And I saw him be nice to everyone. He was so obnoxiously polite to every single person he encountered. He always held open doors and I could swear he flirted with the cute old ladies that came into the store. The tip jar was always full if he was helping the front counter.

But he was just so damn nice to me. He would drop everything to help me if I needed it, he constantly said nice things to me, he got me the most thoughtful Christmas gift, he even corroborated a lie to a professor for me when I forgot to add an essay to my calendar and then write it.

But then spring break happened. I went home to see my parents’ house for the Easter family reunion. The first day of the big family visit, I saw the guy I’d had a crush on since I was a kid. He ran the local church’s food drive so we got to talk for the first time since Christmas when I was dropping off my family’s donations. 

Of course, he didn’t tell me what I learned the next day over the dinner table.

It was my cousin Mary’s turn to share her life update after I gave mine.

“Well, like Anna I’m also making some big progress on the academic front. I made plans with my advisor last year to be able to graduate with my pre-med degree a year early. So after this semester I will be heading to medical school.”

“Mary! That’s spectacular, the world will be getting its next best doctor sooner than expected!” My mom raised her glass to toast.

“But that’s not actually my biggest news, Aunt Ellen.” Mary pulled her left hand out from under the table. “I’m getting married!”

My family all gasped as soon as they saw the ring. It was impressive, my uncle’s an orthodontist.

“How wonderful! Who is the lucky fella? I’m sure he must be something special to stick around with my brother giving him a shovel talk.” My mom cooed.

Mary couldn’t stop grinning. “Dad tried his best to run him off, but he took it all in stride. He followed all of Dad’s insane rules about dating me and it must have worked because not only did Dad give his blessing but he also offered to pay for the whole wedding. Including the ring.”

“Well, congratulations to the future Mr. and Mrs.….” My mom asked.

“Isaac Kingsley.”

Isaac! My Isaac?

“From church? Our Isaac Kingsley?” Mom was bewildered.

“We always hit it off when I was visiting town and we decided to be pen pals when I went off to college. Last year… well I just couldn’t keep it in any longer. I told him that I was in love with him and he asked me to bring him to Thanksgiving dinner with my family. He told Dad that he wanted to date me but he wanted to make sure he and Mom were one hundred percent comfortable with him around their daughter…”

She kept talking but I stopped listening.

“And the rest, as they say, is history.” Mary beamed.

Mom was taken aback. “Mary, my dear, I am so very happy for you. Truthfully, I thought Anna might end up marrying Isaac. But I’m so glad you two found each other, I think you’re going to have a wonderful life together.

“Aunt Ellen, Anna’s still young. She’s got all of college ahead of her to meet her future husband. With that law degree to get, she’s got all the time in the world.”

I cared about my parents’ dream for me, it was what I wanted too. Supreme Court Justice, a loving husband, a good life for me and my family. But I always imagined Isaac as a part of that plan.

I went back to school the next day. I promised Roman I would watch our show two days after I got back. But I was still devastated about Isaac. I didn’t tell Roman, but he could tell. “Family fight” was enough for him to leave it alone.

He ordered a pizza for us which arrived with my favorite ice cream from that restaurant. Just as the episode was ending, I got a text from my mom.

Hey, sweetie. I know you had a little crush on Isaac but like Mary said, you have all the time you need to find the right guy. Sometimes, the plan for life turns out a little different than we first thought. You will always have light to guide you through it. XOXO, Mom.

I scoffed. I undid the french braid.

Roman had some booze. We didn’t have class the next morning. I wanted to turn off my brain for a night.

Listening to a rock vinyl, sitting on his apartment floor, we talked about nothing. I asked him if he ever loved anyone, besides his family.

“Maybe. My ex, but it’s messy. You know, you loved someone for a long time and then they do something so terrible that all of that turns into hate in the blink of an eye. Makes you think if it was ever love.”

“Why’d you break up?”

“He cheated on me.”

“You’re gay?!”

Roman laughed. “No, I’m bi.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, that’s what the Sparta thing is. You know, all the men in the military weren’t with their wives all the time and all.”

“But you’re really bi? You’ve dated guys?”

“And girls. It just doesn’t matter to me. If someone’s attractive and a cool person and they want to be with me, I’d love to get to know them.”

I remembered something my mom said to me once.

Keep Thomas out of Marin’s toys. I don’t want to give him any unnecessary… exposure. People can live their own lives but other people don’t need to get sucked into it.

Fuck Ellen. Fuck her plan.

I kissed Roman. He was a gorgeous, kind guy. He kissed me back. We made out on his floor until the record ended. He flipped it, poured us both some water, and then we laid on his bed to keep kissing each other. 

The end of the night was fuzzy. I woke up the next morning in his bed and he was asleep on the floor.

We talked over breakfast and then Roman was my boyfriend.

“What’s that?” I heard a squeaky voice behind me while I stood on the rainy porch. It was humid, in the summer air. But the sweat in between my shirt and my chest was more comfortable than the screaming match I could hear unfolding in that suburban kitchen.

“Nic stick.” I turned my neck to see Anna’s little brother in the doorway behind me. He only looked more confused by my answer. “It’s a vape. You suck on it and you breathe in nicotine and some sort of flavored vapor.”

“Isn’t nicotine the bad stuff in cigarettes?” 

“Yes, but also tobacco. Tobacco screws up your lungs and nicotine makes you addicted to the thing you’re smoking.”

“Why do you smoke your vape then?”

I shrugged. “Got hooked, The nicotine feels good.”

“Can I try it?”

“No way.”

“Why not?”

I cracked a smile. “Don’t want to give your dad a reason to actually kill me.”

“He’s so mad.” He let out a giggle. “I thought he was going to pass out when he opened the door and saw you with Anna.”

“Me too.” I found myself caught up in laughter with Thomas as we both remembered David’s reaction.

“Are you and Anna going to stay together, even though my dad doesn’t like it?”

“Maybe. But, I don’t think so. At least, not for very long.”

“Do you love her?” Thomas tipped his head. 

“I do.” I nodded. I meant it.

“Then aren’t you supposed to fight to be with her?”

I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes. “What’s the last movie you watched, kid?”

“Marin picked Beauty and the Beast for movie night last time. The newer one, with real actors.”

“Makes sense.” I squatted a bit to meet Thomas’ eyeline. “Movies give you this idea that there’s one person that you’re destined to marry and be with forever. And your whole life is just this mission to find that person and love them. That’s all wrong. You’re going to end up loving tons of people in a bunch of different ways. But sometimes, those people won’t fit into your life in a way that works for you. And that’s okay, everyone’s different. You just can’t always be with them because it’s just not right.”

“Even if you love each other?”

“Even if you love each other. I love your sister and I know that she loves me, but we’re different people with different goals. I want to have some fun while I look for someone I could build a life with, and Anna…”

“What does she want? From you?”

I hesitated to answer. “What do you think?”

“To piss off our parents.”