Hell wasn't real.

I vividly saw hell and truly believed if I stopped breathing, I’d be there. Forever.

I had two days off work and a friend, Joe, asked me if I would be interested in buying a four-finger bag of pure PCP from the chemist who made it, for one hundred dollars. This is a horse tranquilizer. Sure, why not? I had no idea.  After what occurred over the next several days, I could say this. Comparing LSD to PCP, LSD is a shot of beer, and PCP is a fifth of whiskey. PCP is one of the most absolutely horrible drugs on the face of the planet.

I'm driving back to my apartment, and Joe is sitting next to me. He snorted a big line. Instantly, he said, “Hallsey'', my nickname, “Where are we going ?” “Back to my apartment.” “Where?” “Back to my apartment.” “Hallsey, where are we going?” “ Back to my apartment.” “Where is my dad?” “I don't know, Joe”. He went quiet. Wow!  I was dating a lady named JoJo. I went into the apartment and told her this stuff was very powerful. We both snorted a very small line. We were listening to the rock band Boston. Don't know why I mentioned that, except it was important at the time.  Instantly, everything went euphoric. Surrounded by white light. After a half hour, I wondered where Joe was. I went out to the car, he was drenched in sweat. He hadn't been able to open the door. He said he had been out in the universe. He crawled across the street, on all fours, like a dog. He had urinated himself. He came into the apartment and straight armed my oak coffee table straight over his head. Unbelievable strength. Then both JoJo and Joe were gone. What? Over the next two days, I'm snorting a little every four hours or so. I can handle this. Didn't sleep. I was very wrong. I went to work Friday morning, so high, I didn't know I was high. I worked at corporate headquarters, which also had a sales floor. I found out, after the fact, that I was going to be promoted to store manager. I was fired.  Here is exactly what happened.

  My first customers were two big men from a company called Stuart Sandwiches, looking to buy a used sixty-nine-dollar freezer. We had an open-to-buy list, where customers with a good buying history could take the product and pay later. I had looked at the wrong list and naturally didn't see the name. I walked upstairs into the vice president's office, which I had never done before. He was in the middle of a meeting and explained the situation. I told him there was a man named Stuart Sandwiches. It's a company. 

He told me to not let them take it. I went back down, told them, and they went ballistic. I just stood there, looking at the floor. A fellow salesman came over and peacefully resolved the situation.  I went and sat at my desk. I opened a King James Bible my mother had given me. The words became extremely “pornographic”, vial, threatening, and menacing. I closed the Bible.  A couple of minutes later, there was a man behind me, looking at a stereo. It turns out he was a semi-driver taking a load of appliances back to Bellaire, which was five minutes from my hometown, Martins Ferry. We were also a distribution center. I went back to my desk, tore the front page out of the Bible, and wrote, “Mom, just thinking of you, have a nice day. Love, Bob”. She had, what turned out to be, terminal breast cancer. I went back to the warehouse, found the driver, and asked if he would mind taking this to my mother in Martins Ferry. He said sure and asked if the semi could maneuver in the backstreets. I looked at the truck, it was miles long. I proceeded to walk back to the sales floor, the driver following me.  We were in a darker area of the warehouse when he stopped me, grabbed my hand explained he was gay, and asked if he could give me oral sex. Now, I have no issues with gay men. However, in my mind, at that moment, I had just given him a “Holy Mission''. Taking my note to my mother with cancer. I had a 280-pound bench press and on PCP strength is magnified and you feel no pain. If I had torn into him I probably would have killed. I looked at him, turned around, and went completely insane.

 I went to the sales floor and started switching all the price tags. I had an expensive Amana ice and water refrigerator, priced at seventy-nine dollars. A basic washer was over two thousand, and an inexpensive microwave was over a thousand. There were numerous customers on the sales floor.  I then picked up a can of Coca-Cola, went upstairs, and poured it into an industrial laser printer. I squirted some mustard on my suit and went down and sat at my desk. The V.P. came down a few minutes later and asked, “Bob, What's going on?” Quiet. “Are you drinking anything?” “No.” “Are you smoking anything?” “No,” “Fred, I’m scared.” “Why are you scared?” “I think I’ve overdosed on PCP.” Several minutes later, the police arrived and took me to an emergency room. They observed me for quite some time. I have no idea how long because I was lost in the madness of my mind. I was perfectly quiet, the doctor gave me a card to a mental institution, explaining that because I was not violent, I could leave. Somebody drove me back over to work, where I was told to take the weekend off. I was fired on Monday. A good friend said the printer would randomly print, “Things go better with Coke.”  

I had a 1969 Chevelle SS. and started driving, I swear I remember hitting one hundred mph. And I was not on the interstate. I had no idea where I was. Became lost several times. I'm on the interstate, then side roads. Back on the interstate. I'm dripping wet from sweat. I ran many red lights and stop signs, all at a very high speed. Somehow, I made it home.  Arriving safely without even a ticket qualifies as a miracle. I was blown out of my mind.  At this moment, I thought I should call my mother and explain that a gay man might be pulling up in a semi-truck with the front page of the Bible she had given me. Today this seems hilarious. She asked what on earth was wrong with me. I told her the truth, that I was overdosing on PCP, and that I thought I had just lost my job. “You son of a b_itch” and slammed the phone. I had just lost my best friend.  I went to hell. 

I'm sitting on the front porch drinking a little King beer. At this moment, my next-door neighbor, who I had never talked with for the year I had lived there, came over, sat down, and introduced himself. He was a gay man in a gay relationship.  I looked at him and he transformed. His eyes became black, he became over ten feet tall, and he grew wings and hooves. I said I was sick and had to go inside.  I went inside, locked the door, took off all my clothes, and went to bed. All this occurred on a Friday, and I came to sanity on Sunday morning.  All I can explain about those lost twenty-four hours is this. There was no concept of time. I'm visualizing spiders, snakes, bats with human heads, smelling sulfur, seeing humans on fire in agony, lakes of fire, hearing intense screaming, at times in utter blackness. For every good thought, there was an immediate bad thought. My mind was in a continuous loop. Good, bad, good, bad, good, bad. Fast, very fast. I remember looking at the clock, it was 9:01. I thought hours and hours had gone by, looked again, 9:02. One minute, I was beyond terrified.

I explained this to a doctor several years later. He told me he was writing a book about the effects of natural hallucinogens on the human psyche. Many plants are known to have hallucinogenic properties. Some of these include Common Reed, Datura, Fly Agaric Mushrooms, Hawaiian Baby Wood Rose Seeds, Magic Mushrooms, Morning Glory Seeds, and Nutmeg. These plants contain chemical compounds that can react with the human body in specific ways, affecting the brain and mental state of those who ingest them. He asked if it was pure PCP. I said yes. For some reason, he asked if I was spiritual, and I told him I was Christian. He explained that I had gone catatonic. He had patients who were in mental institutions. Put their hand up, it stays up until you put it down. Their mind is in a good/bad loop. Most came out of it, but a few hadn't. PCP “short circuits” the synapse in the brain.

I remember during those lost twenty-four hours, focusing on a small constant light and breathing, while all this hell was going on around me. I truly believed, if I stopped breathing, I would be in hell. Forever. I woke up on Sunday morning, and the first sound I heard was birds singing. I took the PCP and flushed it. I didn't even smoke weed over the next year or so. The doctor said I had experienced a miracle. Yes, I had. 

 Before continuing, I should explain what I know is true. Eternal Source did not put me through this experience. I did. The Source was the light I concentrated on with my right mind and spirit. What I experienced was an extreme attack by my insane wrong ego mind. God does not send us trials, each mind has the Holy Spirit within. All works out for the good of all parties concerned, always. You may not think so at the time. Looking back at my own life, for me, this is very true.  “You may not get what you asked for, but you will get what you need”. The Rolling Stones.

 I had been attending church regularly. Believing strongly in the existence of Heaven and Hell. Up until I became a student of A Course in Miracles, I still believed in hell because I had seen and experienced it. My mind made the whole experience up.  I now understand the power of our minds. As an example, have you ever tried to remember someone's name and couldn't? Several days later, the name “pops'' into conscious thought. Everything you have seen, heard, and experienced since birth is stored in your subconscious database. You consciously put into your database the question, and answer found and given to your conscious thought. This is why it is important to dwell and look upon what is good. Put positive in, not negative.

I didn’t stop breathing, and the light I concentrated on brought me through the worst experience of my life to date. -Bob