In My Bones

In My Bones

By R.R MacWilliam 

*Trigger warning: talk of Compulsive Actions (OCD) and death*

When a bone breaks, your always able to feel it, there's no denying the fact, but sometimes, if you're lucky once in a lifetime, a shiver is sent down your spine, and in that moment, you know something bad is going to happen, you're so convinced, you can feel it… in your bones. 

“I can feel it in my bones.”  

“Don’t be a fool.” They replied back, trying to retain their laughter. 

“I’m not lying.” I continued. 

They stared at me, blank faces.  

I blinked twice.  

Two times more. 

Once more.  

I sat in silence as the ladies made assumptions.  

“She's probably mental.” One lady whispered. 

“Yeah, maybe she's a skitzo.” The blond one laughed. This lady was probably in her 50s but had the smoothest skin and the most beautiful smile. Her friend on the other hand was already going gray and valleys of wrinkles covered her face, but who am i to judge, one day I would be gray and old just like her. 

I blinked twice. 

“Stop blinking like a child.” The blond one nagged in a not so playful way.  

“I’m not schizophrenic,” I replied. 

“Plus, that’s not what that even means.” I said under my breath. 

“Oh, so you're insane and a smart ass.” She snapped back. 

“Neither, I simply possess basic knowledge.”  

This time I blinked, my head tilted, eyes wide. 

“STOP BLINKING IN MY FACE.” The blond one belted. 

I looked at my feet, trying to retain my laughter.  

Then slowly I moved my head towards hers, making full eye contact. I held my eyes open, until they started to water, a single tear dripped down my cheek, I could feel it slide down my face until it reached my chin, it paused for a second then dropped into my lap. Such a small tear couldn't make a sound, it couldn't make a difference.  

“Now what are you doing?” The lady sighed. 

“I’m trying not to blink.” I mocked. 

The lady shook her head, “Stupid girl.”  

I let out a laugh.

She turned towards me. “Fine, I'll make you a deal,” She spoke loud and clear.  

I nodded steadily and pressed my eyebrows together. 

“Give me your cell number and I will call you if i'm correct.”  

I shrugged my shoulders and nodded. “If you insist.” 

She gave me a slug smile. 

I bit the inside of my lip. 

“Am I making a bet with the dead?” I thought. 

Several minutes passed. 

“Are you going to get on?” The lady asked. She sounded slightly paranoid, her voice was light, she asked the question as though she was whispering, she was acting like she didn't want anyone else to hear. Because maybe, just maybe, she didn't want to admit a part of her believed me.   

I sat there, glued to my chair. “No,” I replied, not in my usual playful tone. “And I advise you don’t either.” 

The lady faltered, obviously surprised by my dedication. For a moment it seemed as though she was wondering whether she should or not, as though one foot was stuck in concrete and the other was free. 

She bit her lip, but then suddenly blinked into realization. “Like I would take advice from a stranger.” 

Inside I wanted to beg and plead, but I knew I could do no such thing. She said it herself, my vision meant nothing. I'll forever be a compulsive kid with visions of the unwanted, visions of the things we try to avoid most in life. 

But all I could muster out was, “Suite yourself.”  

The lady stood tall. “Farewell then.” 

“Goodbye skitzo.” The other laughed. 

“Bye.” I replied. 

As both ladies walked away the blond one turned her head giving me a slight smile. She stopped for a moment and bit her lip. She swayed from side to side, as her friend tugged on her arm.  

“Was she going to change her mind?” I wondered. 

She proceeded to blink once. 

Then twice.  

Then three times. 

I smiled back at her, trying to hold back my tears.  

She took a deep breath and turned around. I was wrong. 

“There's somethings in life you can't control, at this moment, it's this situation.” I thought to myself.  

I was only a single tear; I couldn't have made a difference. I stood up from my chair, I tried to act un bothered by the mystery of what the future may hold. I held my head tall and took a deep breath in. 

“There's no point in worrying over something I have no control over” I thought.  

Later that night I sat on my couch, my legs crossed, I was tapping my finger on my thigh. 

“1,2,3,” I spoke as I rammed my finger into my leg. 

 I was unable to do anything productive all night. I sat in my living room; the lights dimmed. Nightmarish possibilities danced on my white walls. Every second that passed my heart sank deeper into my chest, the more it sank the faster and harder I tapped, but at some point, my compulsive actions couldn’t change what may or may not already be fate. 

“I've had these visions before, and I've been wrong.” I tried to comfort myself, but something about this time felt different.  

“Plus, what more could I have done?” I spoke out loud. 

“Nothing.” I answered. 

“Something?” I questioned 

“Nothing.” I had made my final decision.  

I looked at my tv and changed to the local news.  

“Up next to the daily news.” 

I blinked once. 

“Hello everyone, this is Cindy, YOUR local news lady.” 

I blinked twice. 

“Tonight,” Cindy spoke loud and clear. 

I blinked 4 times. 

“A flight to Colorado has been brought down by unexpected hail in the area,” Cindy said, disappointed. “There are no survivors.” Cindy continued.  

I blinked once more. 

“Well, like I said, there was nothing else I could have done.” I replied, like I was talking to the news lady directly. 

I wiped my eyes. 

“I told them; I could feel it in my bones.”