A Sideview on Love

I was still stuck in the time when we were running through the rain, laughing, as I awkwardly stumbled on the sidewalk. That was the day that the rain smelt like lavender, as I watched, you smiled and ran, a new feeling arose in me. 

I would go home and question the feeling, as I only felt it around you. It felt as if I were safe, calm, and fulfilled. When you left I would get tingling feelings of this tenderness in my heart, is that why the rain smelled like flowers around you?

In school, I would be one of the few to sit in the back, I got to see you as the sunshine beamed through the classroom window and brushed across your golden brown hair. I would fall in awe as you would smile, and your teeth would shine, and your eyes would glisten in the light of the sun. I seemed to be the only one to notice. Yet everyone seemed to surround you, suffocate you. You needed to breathe, and I would find a way to help you, save you.

I would soon question it when all of our bridges burned down, as the sunset that day. Once I got home I was reminiscing about our day, how your hair would fly around in the rain, and how it would shine in the sun, how each step you took was just as graceful as the next, and how your smile you'd light up every room. However, you were still trapped, do you feel the same way that I felt? If happily ever after did exist, I thought that I would want to spend each and every second with you, smelling lavender whenever the rain fell, watching as the sun formed a spotlight around you. 

Yes, yes, definitely you would like it too. 

School begins, as I watch you go to class, someone grabs you by your waist, and you blush. I had never seen this expression on you, it was strange, different, it made my stomach turn. I head to class trying to shake the feeling away, I glance to see if you would look at me, notice me, you seem too far… 

I await the sun to strike you hair just as it did in the past, yet it does not. Instead, I see it form a ring around you and around him. A new beam? Someone was sharing your spotlight, and it was not me. I was instead in the dark, I was in your shadows. 

As the days pass by, I try to catch you in the hall, but each day we are not together we grow farther in distance. As each day passes I am unable to see, I cannot reach for you as the shadows you cast become larger, and larger. 

Soon you drift away as I get sucked into the darkness obscurity of the day, where I am unable to watch you, even from afar. I am alone, I am afraid. Where has that comfort and tenderness all gone? It seemed like the whole world was awake as I was trying to fight my way out of this blackness. I felt so small in this enormous world, I was filled with nothing but uncanny emotions which I can no longer bare. 

You can't expect me to be fine as you were the one who talked about whom you see at the top, your aspirations, goals, and emotions. You seemed to forget about our time together, but I was still stuck in the time you called it love. It is a shame to see that it's all over now that you have burned every last bridge and string attached.  

Today as I left school as I could no longer hear your laughter, I was simply fading away, all I could hear was my laugh cold and chilling. My hands felt calloused from the cold nights I spent alone, my body no longer moved swiftly as I had nothing to run after. Why was it that you held on to everything so tightly? Why did I have to be the only one suffering? I continued to plod through the rain to reach what I once thought of as my home. I looked and saw webs and dust on the furniture, I could see the peeling wallpaper from all the rainy days that have come by. The window shutters rattle from the outside as I sit. My mouth felt sour and dry as I watched the rain crash onto the grass. Today, the rain smelt like rotten eggs and phantom cologne. Today was the day I realized that we were never together, it was never just me with you, I was just admiring from afar. What can I expect from that? I gave you my love, but you simply gave it away.

I couldn't save our love, it's sad, isn't it? I never saw you grown up, never got to experience what it was like to be loved by you. I still don't get it. Only a lover's wound can cut so deep, cut to the very core. So why was your heart still beating as mine was slashed? Why did I get sucked into the darkness when I had put all my faith in you?  It was obvious that the world was against the thought of us. We didn't work, because when I am alone the smell of the rain is foul and around you, it was alluring. I would suck in the darkness, while you brought the light to yourself. The universe doesn't want peace, it wants balance. Without me, you were not in peace, I couldn't save you from suffocating. I wanted to help, I wanted the rain to smell like lavender, but you did not, now I neither of us can be helped. You will never understand the damage you did until the same is done to you. 

That was the last day I hoped the darkest nights would end as I tasted the salty tears that were streamed across my face.