Darling Anozie

My Darling Anozie,

It's been six years already since you broke your promise to me. Just when I thought I had finally gotten over you, you broke my defenses again.

When you left me then, I thought I'd die. Maybe I died. Because after the last episode I had, I woke up in the hospital and you were gone. Anozie I jumped off the ledge because I was fighting to keep you, how was I to know that it would drive you further away?

Anozie seeing you today was like a flash back and it pleased me. Hearing your voice drove me to tears. Happy tears. I remember how you'd kiss my head and then tell me you'd never leave me alone. Ever!

Your voice hasn't changed a bit my darling. Remembered our first night, how you said I should listen to my body and tell you if I need you to stop. I never did. How could I? Your voice was my comfort my darling Anozie.

Your eyes! They are like a window to your soul Anozie. I fell in love with your soul because I saw your eyes. Through it I saw how much you love me.

Anozie you said you'd love me forever and a day after. So tell me, why did you leave me my darling? I never got to understand it. I dont understand how my love for you became a burden, please explain it to me. Then you left me for her? That plastic woman down the street. What does she give you that I never could give to you. How did I smother you with my love?

When I woke up in the hospital six years ago

The doctor said I had been asleep for four months and in that time and you had already moved on to her. Four months my darling Anozie and you had moved out of our home, never looking back. You didn't know I was already pregnant, I woke up to your baby in my womb. The doctor said they called you as my next of kin, but you never returned his calls. The doctor said it was a miracle that our baby survived the fall. We created a little survivor.

I had our baby, Ifeadina. He is sick. He has always been sick since I had him. He will die in less than three months, or so the doctor said. Ifeadina asked to meet you my darling Anozie. At least for once. Just once before his young life ends.

My darling Anozie your handsome face has not changed at all, not even a wrinkle. You have grown your beards just the way I begged you to. Thank you. I believe you did it for me.

I see you still have the sweater I made for you on our first anniversary. You always looked good in it. When I saw you in it today I knew it was a sign from above that we will be together again.

But your eyes Anozie! Chineke e! Your eyes! The minute you recognized me at your door your eyes changed. Your voice spat confusion and mixed emotions. Why were you confused that I knew your address? I found you only two months after I left the hospital. I have been writing you for six year now. I call your house too but you never come to the phone. You never reply my letters or return my calls.

You said I looked crazy. Why would you say such my darling, or maybe I should have taken time to dress up for you. But Anozie you always said you liked me looking plain and simple, just the way nature intended. I never forget.

When she came out to see the ruckus she was all dolled up, like always. She looked like one of those barbie girls you never used to like. She called me filt again, just like she did all those years ago and jut like then, you said nothing to defend me. Why did you just stand there and watch her kick me out? She wouldn't listen to what I had to say and I had alot to say, my darling.

You didn't listen to me either. How was I to tell you about Ifeadina's wishes. Anozie did you ever read my letters all these years? Why haven't you ever called me back or replied my letters. Will you read this letter?

My darling Anozie, will you ever come to see your little boy? He looks so much like you. He has your sparkling eyes but he may never have your voice. He sees your pictures but he doesn't know who you are. He thinks you're angry with me because I sometimes hurt myself. My darling Anozie is that why you left me? But you promised you'd take care of me, that you'd help me find help, but instead you plunged me deeper into self harm.

My darling Anozie, before I met you I was already diagnosed as clinically depressed. You knew this on our first date. Loving you helped me cope with the pain of losing my family. You were all I had and all I needed and I believed you when you said I was all you ever needed too. Anozie you were supposed to care for me till death do us part, remember?

Last year when I had an episode, CPS took Ifeadina away. They said I'm an unfit mother, me, can you imagine? Me, who is capable of smothering another with love. I got him back though, after I went to therapy, I got him back because the judge could see how much I love him. My darling Anozie, your son is sick. He has stage four lymphoma. Please forgive me that I didn't give you a more perfect son.

I remember the plans we had for our wedding. We both agreed to dress in white because it is the perfect colour but before that you wanted black. Because you felt we were two imperfect people that would come together to make a perfect whole. But do you remember my winning arguement? You my darling Anozie, I told you that you are the most perfect of all God's creations. You were created to perfect my imperfections and they are so many. We were meant to be Anozie. You're meant to be mine, you were mine until we met her. No! You're still mine.

Forgive my intrusion into your privacy my Darling Anozie, I know I shouldn't have shown up at your house unannounced, but I called Anozie. As always she said you didn't want to speak to me. You always complained even back then, whenever I went through your stuff. You said a couple should learn to respect each other's individuality and privacy. I learned that the hard way, but today I couldn't help myself. For Ifeadina I had to show up. We need you Anozie, even if it's for a short time.

I have decided to go away when Ifeadina is gone. I have to go take care of our boy Anozie, he is all I have left. He is all that has kept me here since your departure.

Please come home Anozie, just this once. The key is where it has always been. Your clothes are all still here. I love you my darling Anozie. Please come home.

Your beloved,

Obiageli